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Happy Hour: An Embodied, Caring Presence - Nikki Mirghafori

The following talk was given by Nikki Mirghafori at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on November 07, 2023. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Happy Hour: An Embodied, Caring Presence

Introduction

Hello friends, and welcome to Happy Hour. If you can hear me okay, give me a thumbs up. Audio is good? Fantastic. I welcome you. I'm Nikki in Mountain View, California, on unceded Ohlone land. Let's start with our ritual of saying hello and where we're zooming in from as a way of bringing our mettā¹ into the space with our friends.

Hi Padma from Belmont, Maryanne in Burlingame, Leslie in San Diego, Jesse, Susan and Claudia in Seattle, and Fossil from Illinois. Hi Bill in Dallas, and Sarah from Toronto. The hellos in chat are coming in so sweet. Neil in New Hampshire, Kim from Tofino—our Canadian contingent—and Joseph from Washington State, welcome. We also have Eli from Vancouver on unceded Coast Salish lands, Fred and Barbara here in Oakland tonight, Petro from Minneapolis, and Karen from Washington. Rosa sends warm autumn greetings from New England, joining us from YouTube. We have Sandy from Western Washington, and night owl greetings from Scotland. We also have John joining us from Malaysia.

We're definitely very international tonight across so many different time zones. Take that in, everyone, for a moment. How sweet that is—a sense of lots of practitioners coming together from different places in the world. Ah, the sangha² has assembled. I feel the warmth of us coming together.

So let's formally begin. If you're new to Happy Hour, we have a low-traffic mailing list you're welcome to join. There's also a document about how to offer each other and yourself safety later when we engage in small breakout groups. With that, I will start the recording for the sake of Audio Dharma.

Guided Meditation

For tonight, I'd like to invite us to practice starting from ourselves and then going outside—internal, external, internal, external care, kindness, and compassion. This internal, external movement of the heart. Let's just lean into it, get into it, and practice. Whatever you need will be shared with you during this period.

Let us begin. Let us turn our awareness into our sitting posture, assuming a posture of integrity and stability. If your body needs to move first, if your limbs need to move, maybe shoulders need to be rolled back, maybe shifting left and right to find your seat and your center of gravity. Do this so that you really arrive with a sense of presence. Not feeling the automaticity of habit, but really taking stock of this moment of being alive. It's like this, being alive.

Feeling your feet, the bottom of your feet on the earth. If you're sitting in a chair, the bottom of your legs. If you're sitting on a cushion, the bottom of your sit bones connecting to the cushion. Taking your seat. Let's take our time to land here.

Connecting with the movement of the breath in the abdomen. The in-breath, the out-breath. The entirety of the in-breath, the entirety of the out-breath. Allowing the body to relax. Can this body relax, soften, and not feel so separate from the environment in which it is held? Letting this body, this heart in this moment, be both grounded, stable, well-rooted, and connected to the earth. And let it also feel expansive.

Appreciating the grace of this opportunity in this moment to sit and breathe, and be breathed. The grace of this gift to be able to practice together in community in this moment. The gift to be simple, the gift to be present. There are so many distractions, so many things we could be doing. There is always FOMO—fear of missing out—and yet, we take delight in this gift and this grace of being simple. The grace, the joy of simply being here exactly where we are. The moment expands and feels infinite. Breath feels intimate.

If thoughts are arising, it's okay. It's not a sin. Our minds think, it's okay. We are not berating ourselves or beating ourselves up. Just noticing what the thought is in this moment. Thank you, and I release you. Smilingly, without any guilt or shame, I release this bird of thought, taking refuge in the simplicity of this moment. With the breath, with the body, with a sense of care. Tending to this heart, to this body. Being simple. The nourishment of stability.

And now consider: in the same way that we can touch and feel a surface—say a desk or a chair, feeling the hardness of it—in the same way that we can feel water, in the same way we can feel the air by its warmth, its coolness, or the atmospheric pressure on our bodies, imagine what it feels like to touch a sense of presence. Let it be a cue not to be figured out, but as you ask this question, as you tune into it: Can I feel into, can I touch my sense of presence in this moment? Not tightening around it, but dropping in the question with curiosity and relaxing. Notice if the sense of presence becomes more palpable in an unexplainable way.

Don't struggle. Touching into the sense of each breath. It might take some time. After being with a few breaths, the sense of presence too may come more into focus, becoming a more palpable presence in this moment, right now, right here. It might be a feeling of uprightness, sitting more dignified, inhabiting your body. See what it feels like for you to touch a sense of presence right here, right now. Embodied presence.

And now, however the sense of presence is showing up for you in this moment, however much it can be sensed in this body with this breath, drop in the question: Can I become aware of a sense of kind presence, embodying a caring presence? It might help if you conjure up someone you care about. It could be a child or a pet. Feel into your sense of kind presence for them. Maybe you're just sitting at their bedside. Maybe they're not feeling well, and you're just holding silent, kind presence. No words needed. Just sitting, keeping watch caringly. Or maybe you have a memory of having held caring presence for someone at their bedside if they were hurt. Without words, just holding caring, compassionate, loving presence.

Whatever or whoever you're conjuring up and holding presence for, now substitute a younger version of yourself. Perhaps this younger version of yourself is not feeling so well, maybe sick, sad, or injured. Just holding patient, caring, loving presence for yourself. Really feeling this palpability of the stability and groundedness of caring presence.

And now, in this last step, expanding the holding of this kind, caring, compassionate presence for the world, as if you're keeping vigil for the world. Just as you and the people you care about are deserving of your care and compassion, so are all beings. Not turning away, but holding witness, holding compassionate presence, especially for beings who are suffering right now. In areas of the world where there is war, famine, hatred, and so many challenges for our fellow humans. As if you're sitting by the bedside of humanity. Humanity is hurting. Tucking humanity in under a blanket of care. Oh dear sisters, brothers, siblings on this Earth, I wish you ease, I wish you well. I hold embodied caring presence for all of us.

As we turn to bring this meditation to a close, offer caring presence to yourself. Kindness and acceptance for whatever this period was like, without judgment. Without wishing it to have been any different than it was. With gratitude and appreciation for having showed up as well as you were able to.

Offering the goodness of our practice. Trusting there is goodness, trusting there is co-created goodness here, that we've planted seeds of care, kindness, stability, and embodied caring presence. Offering the goodness to all beings everywhere. May all beings be free from sorrow, from suffering. May all beings be well, including ourselves.

Reflections on the Practice

Thank you everyone, so much for your practice.

We began with a sense of stability, groundedness with the breath and with the body. Then I invited you to tune into the idea of presence as if it were palpable, like water, or touching a surface, or touching the air. I was hoping that by dropping this in, there would be a sense of presence perhaps becoming more palpable—this embodied presence.

Then I invited us to feel into caring, embodied presence. The way you might have experienced it for a child, a parent, or a friend, sitting at their bedside with care. Then substituting yourself on that bed as a way of invoking kindness and compassion for ourselves. And finally, bringing in all of humanity and tucking them in on the bed with care and embodied presence. Not turning away, not crumbling away, but maintaining a sense of embodied care.

That was the invitation. Some of it might have worked for you, some of it may not have. It's all okay. These are experimentations for us to find our way into what works for us. So don't judge yourself. If you think, "Well, that didn't work for me, I didn't get that," it's not a problem. It's all part of exploration.

Small Group Instructions

I'd like to invite us to engage in small groups. The invitation for the groups tonight is to really show up with a sense of embodied presence. What does it feel like to show up in a small group with a sense of embodied presence? Not hiding, but with a sense of embodied care for yourself and for others. There may not be many words that need to be said, and that's perfectly fine. But see if you can feel into that palpability of presence with others. Instead of thinking about what you're going to say or what they're going to say, just rest in a sense of embodied presence. This is a supreme practice that you can take into your daily life—just not being overwhelmed by thoughts and emotions.

When your turn comes, you're welcome to explore for your own sake how this practice was for you. It's not to educate, it's not to impress. You're just exploring for yourself, and other people are holding you with witness. They're not asking questions, they're not giving advice. They're just two human mirrors reflecting, holding with embodied care what you are exploring. If you want to say pass, that's perfectly fine. The next person will offer a nugget, and it will come back to you. You go around a few times until the time is over.

Take your time. Silence is perfectly fine. Maybe you want to say, "Actually, I'm losing my sense of presence, I'm getting in my head, so I'm going to be silent, take thirty seconds, feel my presence, feel your presence." Feel free to explore out loud the process, not just the content of what's happening. You can do mindfulness out loud, speaking from that state of trying to tune into embodied caring presence as you talk with other people. It's like riding a bicycle³ and tapping your head while rubbing your belly at the same time. It can take a little bit of, "Oh yeah, how do I do this?"

So enjoy exploring. Don't just go into your habit pattern of starting to talk. Take some time. How can you be present? Stretch yourself. It's so wonderful to stretch ourselves. I'm going to create the breakout rooms. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other.

Q&A and Community Sharing

Okay, everybody is back, the rooms are closed. Welcome back, everyone. We have some time for questions, comments, and reflections.

Megan shares, "My room was such a beautiful, embodied presence, and that's such an incredible gift. Truly, truly grateful for that holding."

I'm so touched to hear how this felt sense of embodied presence was so palpable in your breakout room. Thank you for sharing that; I'm getting chills actually. In these beautiful spaces of holding we can have on Zoom, from different places—we're not even in the same physical place—and yet we can have this palpable sense of presence. How beautiful. Thank you, Megan.

Maryanne shares, "I felt very full and emotional, and I was afraid I was going to start crying or something embarrassing, but I felt very warm towards the people in the room. Thinking about tucking in a sick child really helped me become more embodied. To feel it rather than intellectually conjure it up, just sitting there being caring and concerned with nothing to say, just loving presence. That really helped."

Thank you, Maryanne. I appreciate how the practice lit up for you in your heart.

On YouTube, Victor says, "Loved the message of sitting at the bedside of humanity." And Jennifer says, "Thank you Nikki for all your beautiful meditations and being here with us."

Actually, I have a question. When I invited you to feel into this palpable sense of presence, did that shift something for you? Did that bring presence more into focus? Caring presence can be this palpable sense. If that was the case for any of you, you can put yes in chat or offer a thumbs up. This can be a way in to not just let our thoughts willy-nilly go here and there. It's like, "Oh yeah, presence." I see a thumbs up from Sarah, and Eli says yes as well. I'm so glad, because there are these different ways in for us to access our sense of presence. They're here, they're not so far away.

Bill shares, "Presence didn't register for me, but kind presence did." Megan notes, "Yes, I felt a larger container of love." And one more reflection from the chat: "It was very helpful to imagine the felt sense. My mind was wandering, but it kept coming back and feeling the presence. It was very soothing."

Thank you all. I'm so grateful to you all for the way you have engaged with the practice and with each other tonight. I'm so grateful to hear the reports from the small groups, and of the palpable sense of kind presence that you showered each other—and yourselves—with. Thank you so much for your practice, for showing up, and for cultivating your heart and your whole being for the sake of all beings everywhere. Our practice makes a difference in the world. I know it makes a difference for us, and for others. May all beings be free. May all beings be happy, including ourselves.