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Happy Hour: Practicing Equanimity on US Election Day - Nikki Mirghafori

The following talk was given by Nikki Mirghafori at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on November 06, 2024. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Happy Hour: Practicing Equanimity on US Election Day

Hello and welcome everyone to Happy Hour. I hope you are as well as possible wherever you are in our world, on our planet, at this time.

In honor of Election Day in the U.S., I wanted to invite us to practice the fourth of the Brahma Viharas¹, or Heavenly Abodes. The first one is Metta² (loving-kindness or friendliness), the second is Karuna³ (compassion), the third is Mudita⁴ (vicarious joy), and the fourth is Upekkha⁵ (equanimity).

It is a good time to practice equanimity, which is closely related to goodwill and compassion. It invites us to have a sense of presence, stability, and peace, even when things are not stable or peaceful. With the level of anxiety that folks are reporting in the media and the news—no matter which side you are on—it is a great opportunity to practice equanimity, kindness, and compassion for yourself and for everyone else who is in the same boat.

Guided Meditation

I would like to invite us to settle and arrive in our posture. If you need to move and shift, find your center of gravity and a wide base. If you need to roll your shoulders back a bit to open your chest, that is a good idea so that you can sit tall like a mountain. Find a sense of integrity, feeling how your sit bones can have a sense of stability.

Take a moment to really stabilize your posture. If sitting in a chair, can you really make sure that your feet are solidly planted on the earth with a wide stance? Ensure your chest is open and your shoulders are wide, so you are not collapsed. There is a sense of integrity and dignity to the brightness of how you are sitting in this moment. As teacher Stephen Levine used to say: "Strong back, soft belly."

Can the whole front of our body be soft? Can our heart be soft while our back and sit bones are strong? The stance of our feet is stable and grounded. Take some time to really feel into what this means for you in your posture. Allow awareness to be soft and relaxed. Attend to the breath with a receptive awareness, receiving the in-breath and out-breath wherever in the body it is more salient.

Feel your feet grounded and stable in the earth, and your torso upright as if connected to an invisible string pulling up vertebrae by vertebrae. Sitting tall while you are well grounded. Receiving each in-breath and out-breath. Settling.

Release and let go of thoughts, ruminations, and stories. Invite the heart and mind to be right here, right now, present with the breath.

You can stay, if you wish, with just receiving the breath—present, calming, stilling, grounding, and embodied. Or, if you like, you can drop in the reflections of equanimity like a pebble into a calm pond or a still lake. I am going to offer a few phrases; choose your favorite.

• "Whether or not I may understand it, things are unfolding according to a lawful nature, the law of causes and conditions."
• "May I be at peace with the comings and goings of things, with the impermanent arising, passing, and unfolding of events."
• "Things are as they are right now. May my heart have stability in the midst of the unfolding of causes and conditions."
• "As much as I wish to impact others' happiness and the turn of events, I acknowledge that there are many causes and conditions unfolding."
• "May my heart be at peace with things that cannot change."

Remember, being at peace does not mean resignation.

"May I have peace. May all beings be at peace."

[Silence]

As we begin to close this sit together, I would like to invite you to wish well—friendliness—for everyone. All beings, no matter what opinions or political party they might belong to. All beings. Putting down opinions and ideas and seeing people's humanity; we all want to be happy. You might agree or disagree, but can we wish each other well?

"Hatred never ceases through hatred, but by love alone does it end." This is an ancient and eternal law, as said the Buddha.

Can we share our goodwill for our fellow humans regardless? May all beings be happy. May all beings be well. May all beings everywhere—all human beings, all animals, all sentient beings—may they be free, including ourselves.

Thank you everyone for your practice.

Reflections

The invitations tonight in the practice were very simple. We began with settling in the body and really stabilizing the body. That can go very far. Whenever you find yourself overwhelmed, notice the posture of your body. Is it a collapsed body? Is it a distressed body? Can you open your chest? Can you plant your feet? Find just a sense of a posture of integrity and dignity, sitting upright and planting your feet stably on the earth.

I brought in this way of teaching from Stephen Levine, who talked about "strong back, soft belly." A strong back is a sign of the stance of stability. A soft belly and soft heart is a sense of kindness and compassion for ourselves and others—Metta.

Then, after taking time to stabilize with the breath, I invited us to drop in any of the equanimity phrases that might work for us at this time.

"May I accept the comings and goings of things, the unfolding of things according to a lawful nature." What does lawful nature mean? It is the law of causes and conditions. Because of this, that arises. So many causes and conditions lead to what arises in our world. As Carl Sagan said, "If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe." Everything depends on everything else.

Another statement of equanimity is, "Whether or not I understand that things are unfolding according to a lawful nature... whether I like it or not." It is a statement of acknowledging that things are like this right now. Acceptance is not the same as giving up. Acceptance means you accept that things are like this right now; causes and conditions have led to what is arising. You are accepting the reality of the situation, not fighting the reality of how things are right now. It does not equate to resignation; those two are very different.

Discussion and Q&A

Participant: Sometimes you never know how what other people say may hit you. Tonight when you said "your feet firmly on the ground," that anchored me. I felt, "Okay, I'm on planet Earth. There's no asteroid at the moment hitting the Earth and I feel my feet firmly on the ground." It was a great way to anchor and stay in equanimity.

Nikki: Thank you so much for sharing this. It gladdens my heart to no end that this seemingly simple but profound shift was experienced by you. Feeling feet on the ground seems so simple, but it is profound.

Question: How do you give Metta to a parent when you are constantly being hurt by them? Distancing is my go-to, but still, it doesn't work.

Nikki: That is hard and painful. In that situation—it could be a parent or anyone else—you can create some space. This reminds me of a beautiful teaching by Sylvia Boorstein who says, "Don't take anyone out of your heart, even if you might leave them out of your life." I am not sure if that might work with a parent, but the invitation is to start with compassion—self-compassion—for yourself. Let your heart be full with self-compassion.

You may need to reduce contact to support yourself so you don't get hurt. But try to see if you can see their goodness. This is what can open your heart to compassion and Metta for them. Our mind focuses on what is bad, difficult, or the ways that they do not see us or hurt us. Try to see the good in them, how they have helped you, supported you, or loved you in their own way. Or maybe just see their good qualities. Human beings are "mixed bags."

When we allow ourselves to see the good in another being, that can open our heart to kindness. Of course, it doesn't mean that you completely open yourself to being hurt. You can still protect yourself in ways that are wise, but don't let your heart be completely closed. It is not good for you, and it is not good for the other person.

Participant: I was struck in our group by how the many things we identified as being helpful in approaching equanimity are all free. No license required, no special training, no tools, you don't need to go any place. Getting good sleep, exercise, reaching out to people we love, practicing with the intention of equanimity—these are all things that are within our grasp most of the time. It strikes me as being really different from a lot of American life where there is presumably so much equipment and other things needed to proceed in whatever you want to do. Here, the array is right there at our fingertips.

Nikki: Well said. I was touched by you highlighting the intention. It really starts with the intention for equanimity, wisdom, awareness, and presence.

Participant (Chat): Gratitude for having the Sangha⁶ practicing together tonight. After separately going on retreats with you, my husband and I are so glad to be able to share the space together.

Nikki: Yay! I am so glad that you can practice together here. This Sangha is very dear to my heart.

Participant: One thing struck me in the phrases offered. I had the image of an old-time situation where we are sitting around the table and somebody is offering a prayer at a meal. Your words were to the effect of: "May we put down our opinions and see others' humanity, and everyone wants to be happy." I have people in my family where we are so different in our views. It really struck me that this is something I can do. I can finally see another's humanity. I know that they want to be happy. I know that they are human beings. I can see their good—wonderful father, etc.—but just putting down the opinions... that is a big deal.

Nikki: Well said. As I was leading and planting these reflections again and again—for the millionth time—my heart opens even more. We have to remind ourselves always of these reflections so that they become the inclination of our minds. As the Buddha says, they might just drop at a particular time when the heart and mind are ready. Even if we have heard it again and again, keep reminding ourselves of the humanity—that everybody wants to be happy. Again, not condoning harm or hurt, but seeing people's humanity and that essentially we all want to be happy even if different values are more important to us.

This is a good time for me to bring up a reference that I have shared before: the work of social psychologist Jonathan Haidt. He has done very interesting work about finding common ground. When people disagree, it is often about them prioritizing different values. Maybe one person prioritizes loyalty more, and another person values innovation more. It is not that one value is bad and the other is good; different people just have different values.

He has done a lot of research on political disagreements showing that different people have different values that are more important to them in their ranking. It can really help find compassion, understanding, Metta, and common ground to realize they are not "bad" people, they just have different values. I refer you to Jonathan Haidt's work; one of his early books is called The Happiness Hypothesis.

We are nearing the end of our time together. Thank you all for joining, for supporting yourself, supporting each other, and supporting all beings everywhere. The cultivation of your heart towards goodwill, compassion, and equanimity is needed in our world at this time.

May all beings be happy. May all beings have peace. May all beings be well. May all beings be free, including ourselves.