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Guided Meditation: Trust; Dharmette: Knowing & Not-Knowing (5 of 5): Trust, Doubt and Wise Questioning - Ines Freedman

The following talk was given by Ines Freedman at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on November 08, 2024. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Good day to you. A warm welcome to this time of practicing together again. It's wonderful seeing all of you in the chat, very connected with the fact that how widespread the Sangha¹ is.

Guided Meditation: Trust

So for today's meditation, I'd like to touch upon the quality of trust or faith in the practice. The Pali word is Saddhā². It literally means "to place your heart upon." Sharon Salzberg defines it as trusting our own deepest experience. It refers to an inner quality that we all have which unfolds and grows as we learn to trust that experience.

When we talk about faith, we're talking about heartfelt confidence in the possibility of our own awakening, of our own deep happiness. When we place our heart upon the moment, we're wholeheartedly present, fully here. And we can trust that that is enough: to pay attention to whatever is in front of us, whatever is here.

As mindfulness strengthens, so does our confidence not to cling, to not try to control, resist, or manipulate our experience. Often when things are challenging, the most important thing to have faith in, have trust in, is the trust not to cling—to trust the ability to meet the moment with our open heart.

So let's sit. Taking a comfortable and alert posture and gently closing your eyes. Settling into your meditation posture. Take a little time making any small adjustments so the posture feels confident, dignified. Allowing yourself to be centered in this body, sitting or lying with strength, with dignity.

Now allowing the attention to meander throughout the body, relaxing any obvious tensions that can be relaxed. Just at your own pace, relaxing the face, the shoulders, the belly. Whatever is tense, letting go of any tensions or holdings. Connecting intimately with this body. Relaxing this body.

And from within this body, you might become aware of your breathing. The simplicity of an inhale and an exhale. Just knowing you're breathing in, knowing you're breathing out. You might take a few long, slow, deep breaths, and with each inhale connecting more intimately with the moment. With each exhale relaxing a little more deeply, letting go. Settling into the ground, the chair, the Earth. Connecting and relaxing.

And letting your breathing return to normal and staying close to the breath. Placing your heart upon a moment, being aware of your experience. Nothing else is needed. Staying simple. Allowing any other physical sensations, emotions, or thoughts that arise. Allow them to come and go. See them when they arise, let them leave when they're ready to leave without clinging to them or resisting them.

Placing your heart upon the moment.

[Silence]

Allowing the breath and body sensations to remain in the foreground. With the peripheral awareness, we can be aware of the spaciousness that's all around. And in this space, there can be an awareness of the arising and disappearing of any sensations of breathing, any movement, any thoughts or feelings as they come and go. Any mental activities as they arise and pass away in the vast open field of awareness.

If agitation arises, no need to be disturbed by that. Awareness has room for it. It's just something that arises and passes away. It's just a ripple in the vast field of awareness.

Awareness has room for everything. Any wanting or not wanting that arises, it's not a problem. There's nothing to push away. We can just allow it to come and go. Just waves in the vast ocean of awareness.

There's nothing to do. Nothing is needed. Resting in awareness, allowing experience to unfold in its own time. Trusting in not clinging to anything in the world.

[Silence]

If the attention has wandered, in a friendly way guiding it back to the present. Trusting in awareness, trusting in the moment.

[Silence]

We end the sitting. I'll ring the bell in a moment. When I do, you might take a couple of slow, deep breaths again before opening your eyes.

Dharmette: Knowing & Not-Knowing (5 of 5): Trust, Doubt and Wise Questioning

In this fifth talk on the topic of knowing and not knowing, I'll focus on another aspect of not knowing, and that's the difference between the hindrance of doubt and wise or skillful doubt—doubt that's useful.

The hindrance of doubt³ can be one of the trickiest because it causes us to not fully apply ourselves in the moment. It makes it easy to get lost in our thinking, going back and forth with indecision, just holding back from applying ourselves in the moment. We can question our own ability. We can question the method we're using, the teacher, or the teachings.

You might think, "I don't think I can do this," or "Am I doing it right?" or "Should I try another method?" and go back and forth. "Maybe I'll try this, maybe I'll try that." "Is it true what the teacher said about the meditation?" "Is it true what the teachings said about practice?" Every one of those doubts might be useful, but not during meditation.

I like to think of the hindrance of doubt as premature questioning. It just isn't the right time. It's not a useful time. It keeps us from going deeper in meditation, from really engaging in the practice, because when we're caught in doubt, we're no longer seeing. We're no longer seeing the moment. We're no longer seeing what's happening. We're lost in thinking.

When I was young, I decided to learn to walk a tightrope. It was all of six inches off the ground, but I didn't know if I could do that, and I was pretty hesitant. It was a reasonable doubt. But when I actually got on the rope, that doubt, the question, distracted me from walking on the rope. The only way I could make it across was to steel my mind from anything else and keep my feet on the rope. After I fell off countless times, I finally made it across. And so I learned that I could do it. But the only way I could answer my doubt was to practice.

With other questions such as "Am I doing this right?" or "Is it true what the teacher said?"—again, those could be very useful questions outside meditation. Maybe we do need to understand the method or the teachings better. We may talk to a teacher or read or study about it. Skillful doubt inspires us into action to understand and can be very helpful for mindfulness practice.

The teachings refer to three kinds of wisdom, and all three are important in practice.

The first one is wisdom from learning⁴, such as what we do from teachers, from Dharma talks, from study, where we develop a clear intellectual understanding of the teachings.

The second one is wisdom from reflection⁵. That's where we actually mindfully think about a topic. Maybe reflecting on some of the bigger questions of spiritual life: "What's my life's purpose?" "Why do I practice?" "What are my priorities?" "Where am I? What are my edges in practice?" We can reflect as a practice in itself where discursive thinking is useful. We can also reflect discussing the topic with a Dharma friend or a teacher.

And the third form of wisdom is the wisdom from meditation⁶: the insight that arises from practice, from formal meditation practice. We might have personal insights or psychological insights, all the way to the liberative insights that completely free us from suffering, from clinging.

So the hindrance of doubt is not productive or useful. It drains us and disconnects us. It keeps us unwilling to apply ourselves. We might even give up. It's important to recognize it, and when we do, to fold it back into the meditation—not to ignore it, but to actually see it. We can question doubt directly: "Is this a useful question?" If it is, then we can honor it and put it aside to consider after meditation, and maybe take steps to resolve it. But we can very clearly just say, "Oh yeah, this is a great question. What a wonderful question. And I'll do it after my sitting or schedule it for later." And we can turn the attention back to applying ourselves in the moment.

We saw doubt, maybe insecurity is there—"I can't do it"—or some version of "My experience isn't the right experience." We can first recognize the hindrance of doubt. We can turn the attention from what the doubt is about, what the thoughts we're lost in, to the experience of doubt. How does the body feel? Are emotions predominant? How do those feel in the body? Or maybe our attitude is one of resistance—we don't like what's happening and we're resisting. As we engage in the present moment, it disentangles us from being caught in the pattern of doubt, that vacillating world of back and forth.

As our minds get quieter and quieter, the hindrance of doubt can still arise, but it can be much more subtle. Sometimes it's more difficult to recognize. We can get lost in thinking about it, but because the mind is still kind of calm, we tend to think of those thoughts as being even more valid. This is a time that doubting or doubt can be very helpful. And the phrase that I like is to not believe everything we think. We can question a thought directly: "Is it true?"

Now as I mentioned, one of the practices that's really important—wise questioning in wise doubt—is wise reflection. It's important to not confuse formal meditation with formal reflection. I mean, sometimes we do reflect on things spontaneously and that can be wonderful. But it can also be helpful to take time periodically to reflect on purpose for important questions.

I find it helpful not to do it on my cushion, but to either go for a walk or sit somewhere that feels particularly peaceful, maybe sitting on the sofa looking out the window. Yeah, somewhere that makes us feel kind of cozy and comfy. It's helpful not to demand that the reflection lead to a conclusion. It's an open-handed exploration. It allows us to do this without the pressure of accomplishing something.

Sometimes I've found it's about finding the right question. We might start with one question but end up with another. You know, I've asked questions about my deepest purpose in life. I've reflected on impermanence, on death, or the question "Who am I?" Or questions of whether my lifestyle is supporting my purpose, or how to relate to politics or other challenging topics with an open heart.

Sometimes even though we actively and carefully explore an issue, we still don't know. We can stay open to the possibility that it will become clear at some point in the future. But in the meantime, what's helpful is to patiently rest in the not knowing. To accept that we don't know. To be at peace with not knowing.

Sometimes in life, we have to make a decision and we just don't have enough information to make a clear decision. And we may have to take a chance. We just don't know. And it can be very uncomfortable not to know. The mind wants certainty. And it's really helpful then to recognize the stressfulness of not knowing in that situation. It's stressful, it's dukkha⁷. And to be compassionate with ourselves when that happens. And instead of being frozen in indecision when there's no way to figure it out, we may need to just take a chance and move on and jump into something.

So Sharon Salzberg said that faith is the quality of the heart that stays open beyond our current level of understanding. It's the quality of heart that allows us to persevere into the unknown in meditation practice and in our daily lives. For the insights into the deepest freedom, we need to be able to trust entering the unknown. If we knew, we'd be free already.

So, repeating: Faith is the quality of the heart that stays open beyond our current level of understanding. And that's a not-knowing mind, a beginner's mind.

I'd like to end with a quote from Gil Fronsdal. I think most of you have heard of him, right?

"To have doubt about mindfulness, of the value and importance of just being mindful, borders on having doubt about the value of being present for life in general, because mindfulness and being present for life is the same thing."

So thank you.

Let's sit with you in silence and read your messages. And I just wanted to again thank you for this week together, this week of your practice. And to extend our wishes, the benefit of this practice, to the entire world. Wishes of peace. The wishes of wisdom. The wishes for freedom. May the whole world be at peace.