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Efforting and Procrastinating - Diana Clark

The following talk was given by Diana Clark at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on February 27, 2024. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Efforting and Procrastinating

Welcome, everyone. It's nice to see you all here on a Monday evening. Tonight, I'm going to continue a series I've been doing. I think this will be the last in this series, and it's perfectly fine if you weren't here for the earlier ones. This series is on efforting, putting forth energy, having determination or resolve, and having an aspiration and then moving in that direction. I'm going to flesh it out a little bit more in the talk tonight.

The Story of Meghiya

I'm going to start with a story that comes from the Suttas¹, the early Buddhist literature. This story is about Meghiya². At this time, he was the Buddha's attendant. Some of you may know that Ānanda was the Buddha's attendant; this was before Ānanda. The attendant was someone who would just take care of whatever the Buddha needed. In my mind, it was like when people wanted to talk to the Buddha, maybe the attendant would say, "Not right now, he's talking to somebody else. Why don't you come back in an hour?"

One day, Meghiya goes for alms rounds. All of the monastics did this; this is how they had food and how they supported themselves. On his way back, he's walking along the banks of the Kimikālā River³. Why is this detail added? There's no particular reason, but in my mind, I'm thinking it must have been a really pleasant river, because while walking back to where the Buddha is, he notices a mango grove nearby. He describes it as really pleasant and tranquil, and he thinks, "Oh, this would be a good place to meditate." We can imagine—it's not like they had meditation centers or retreat centers. They had to find a good place to meditate in nature.

So he comes back and says to the Buddha, "I think I'm going to go meditate at this mango grove."

The Buddha says, "No, it's not the right time right now, Meghiya. Wait for someone else to come here." The Buddha needed an attendant and didn't want to be without one at this time.

Meghiya says, "But sir, you have no more work to do and nothing that needs improvement, but I do." I kind of appreciate this. Meghiya is saying, "Compared to the Buddha, I have a lot of work to do. I have no time to waste, I better hop to it."

The Buddha says no a second time: "Please stay here until there's another attendant."

Meghiya replies again, "But sir, you have no more work to do and nothing that needs improvement, but I do."

This is the third time that Meghiya is asking. It's part of the tradition that if you ask three times, there is an acquiescence. So the Buddha says, "What can I say to someone who is speaking of practicing? Do as you wish," and lets him go.

Meghiya seemed pretty determined to go meditate, insisting and putting his own needs in front of the Buddha's. He goes to the mango grove, he sits, and he meditates. But he has a hard time. He finds that his mind is assaulted by unwelcome, unhelpful, unwholesome thoughts. He saw this mango grove and had this idea that he was going to be tranquil, peaceful, and calm.

Specifically, he says to himself, "Wow"—which we can translate in a number of different ways, but I think the word "wow" is appropriate here. He says, "Wow, I left the lay life and became a monastic, and yet I am harassed by these three kinds of unwholesome thoughts⁴: sensual thoughts, aversive thoughts, and cruel thoughts."

There are thoughts of sensuality—maybe it's some inappropriate sexual activity, as he's a celibate monk after all. Or maybe it's just thoughts of wanting comfort, like, "Why am I here when the mangoes would be so much more comfortable?" There are thoughts of aversion, like, "That Buddha guy didn't let me go," or "The other monastics are in the way." And there are even thoughts of cruelty, a little bit of harming or ill will. "Wow, I left the lay life and became a monastic, yet I am harassed by these three kinds of unhelpful, unwholesome thoughts." I like the verb "harassed." Sometimes it can feel like that. Maybe for you guys it doesn't happen, but for me sometimes it can feel that way.

Five Supports for Ripening

So he goes back to the Buddha and reports what had happened about having these unhelpful thoughts. I think it's interesting that here is Meghiya, a monastic who has dedicated his life to practice and has what we could say is one of the world's best meditation teachers, and yet he's having a tough time. It normalizes our experience. Humans are humans; we can't just automatically make things go the way that we want.

He tells the Buddha, and the Buddha says to him, "When freedom of the heart has not fully ripened, there are five things that are conducive to full ripening." The term for freedom of the heart is ceto-vimutti⁵, which we could also translate as liberation of the mind. The word citta⁶ can be translated as either heart or mind, and sometimes it's helpful for us to think about whether it is the heart or mind that needs to be opened, liberated, softened, or transformed.

I like that the Buddha is pointing out that ripening is a natural process. Fruits ripen; we don't have to make them ripen, they know how to do it. The Buddha is saying, "Here are some things to help ripen what's already going to happen."

Here are the five things:

1. Good spiritual friends and companions. People that are on the spiritual path with us. It doesn't mean we have to have best friends, it just means practicing with associates. It can be just being here at IMC practicing together, or having a group of friends you talk about the Dharma with.
2. Ethical behavior. We all know this: if we have some unethical things in our lives, it weighs on us. We have to hide it, or we feel shame.
3. Conversations with others. Conversations about contentment, arousing energy, and a number of other topics. It is the opportunity to share and talk about what's happening with life and with our practice.
4. Applying effort. I'm going to unpack this one some more.
5. Having wisdom. Wisdom, in particular, about seeing the changing, impermanent nature of things. Seeing the inconstant nature of our experience.

Three out of five of these guidelines are related to effort. Number four is the obvious one specifically about applying effort. But the sutta also says a practitioner with good friends, companions, and associates can expect to be energetic. Practicing with others can be motivating. Sometimes we borrow other people's motivation when ours is lagging, or they borrow ours. Then there's the idea that conversations are about arousing energy: what is motivating? What supports us through difficulties? What helps us come back to the cushion or continue with our efforts? Our wholesome, ethical behavior also takes effort. We're never finished with it; it's not a box we check and never think about again. Showing up in our lives in a way that brings the most ease and freedom for ourselves and others is something we will always be doing.

Procrastination and Baby Steps

When I thought about this, I wondered: what was wrong with Meghiya's effort? He was the one that insisted and demanded to go meditate. Why is the Buddha giving instructions to Meghiya about effort? We don't know, of course, but maybe Meghiya was procrastinating. Maybe he was supposed to be meditating earlier, didn't do it, and then thought, "I have to go now because I didn't earlier."

We all know what procrastination is. It's putting off or delaying something that we need to do. It can feel like this force that prevents us from following through on what's important to us. Maybe it's not surprising, because as humans we prefer immediate gratification. We want to do what's pleasurable, enjoyable, and comfortable now. Sometimes what we should be doing is not enjoyable and comfortable, so we'd rather watch something on Netflix than do our taxes.

There's a sutta passage that highlights this. It says there can be a practitioner who has some work to do, and they think, "I have some work to do, but while doing it I'll get tired, so let me lay down." So they lay down, they don't arouse energy, and they are unable to attain the unattained, unable to achieve the unachieved, unable to realize the unrealized. These are the goals, and you won't reach them if every time you have this idea you just lay down. In contrast, another practitioner thinks, "I have some work to do, and while working it's not easy to focus on the instructions of the Buddha. So I better rouse up energy for attaining the unattained, realizing the unrealized, achieving the unachieved."

But how do we rouse up energy? One way to work with procrastination is an idea I heard from James Clear, the author of the bestselling book Atomic Habits⁷. He recommends taking "baby steps"—doing something really small that can be done in two minutes. We have to get creative to find the very first thing that can be done in two minutes. For me, having to pull together talks can be daunting. I'll have ideas in my mind, but they're not organized yet. Something that helps me is taking a colored pen and a blank piece of paper. I write down some ideas, draw lines connecting them, cross out unrelated ones, and I can do this in two minutes. Starting turns out to be really difficult, but once we've started, it's a little bit easier.

This is my interpretation of one reason why the Buddha goes into such minutiae when describing meditation. He says a meditator goes to the forest, or to the root of a tree, or to an empty hut, and they sit down. Maybe that's all you do. Maybe you go to your equivalent of a meditation spot and you sit down, and maybe that's your two minutes. The Buddha continues: "Having folded their legs crosswise, they set their body erect." So take the meditation posture. Take some time to get comfortable in a posture you think you can hold. Maybe your knee is bothering you and needs support, or it's chilly and you need a blanket. Take time with that posture. Then, "establish mindfulness in front of them. Mindful, they breathe in; mindful, they breathe out." Half a breath in, half a breath out.

Instead of thinking, "Oh, I have to go meditate," what if we broke it down into these tiny little steps? Go to the place, sit down, set the posture, observe half a breath, and see what unfolds next.

James Clear talks about a few advantages to doing these baby steps. For one, you have a feeling of accomplishment: "Okay, I did this. I went to my meditation place and I sat down." Having these small wins and a sense of progress shouldn't be underestimated. It helps shift our attitude toward productivity, letting go of beating ourselves up, which allows a sense of momentum to grow. Instead of waiting for momentum before we sit, doing a baby step creates the conditions in which momentum can begin.

Overcoming Obstacles to Effort

Another way to understand why we procrastinate is through self-reflection. A big part of meditation practice, whether it is our intention or not, is gaining self-understanding. We learn a lot about ourselves, what our minds like to do, and how we distract ourselves when we are physically uncomfortable.

Why might we procrastinate?

1. We don't know how to do something. I have a clicker for my garage door and the battery is getting low. I know I should fix it, but I don't really know how. I could go find a YouTube video to watch, but since I don't know how right away, I keep putting it off.
2. We don't feel in the mood. We wait to be in the right mood. That works until it doesn't, because often we're not in the mood to do the things we need to do.
3. We are in the habit of waiting. We have a habit of waiting until the last minute because we think we work better under pressure.

We can use our practice as a support by dropping in some reflections. Why are we practicing? Often our aspirations are not well articulated. What supports my practice? Why am I doing this? Touching into this aspiration can touch our heart and serve as a support.

Another question we can ask ourselves, perhaps after settling a little bit in meditation, is: what's getting in the way of my best efforts? Maybe there's some fear we haven't noticed, or an addiction to comfort—this feeling that we have to be comfortable at all times, and if we're not, we need to blame somebody. Or maybe our ethical behavior can be cleaned up a little bit. Maybe there's some dishonesty with ourselves or others that takes a lot of our energy or is nagging at us. Clarifying what our obstacles are is a worthwhile reflection.

Right Effort

Maybe the Buddha wasn't pointing to procrastination with Meghiya. Maybe he was pointing to Right Effort (Sammā vāyāma⁸). Right Effort means wise effort; "right" as in the appropriate tool, just like a hammer is the right tool to put in a nail, as opposed to tweezers.

Right Effort is actively diminishing what leads to our suffering and the suffering of others, and actively increasing what leads to our well-being and the well-being of others. It helps bridge the gap between how we are here and the aspirations we have. Activity and energy are essential if these teachings on greater freedom are going to be anything other than theoretical.

Right Effort has different qualities. Sometimes this effort shows up as hard work, manual labor, perseverance, or a gritty application of just hanging in there. And sometimes wise effort shows up as a gentle opening of the heart. A gentle, persistent turning towards, allowing things to shed so that there can be some calming and settling. Sometimes effort takes energy in a conventional way, but there can also be this effort to soften our habits of busyness, or soften our habits of trying to prop ourselves up all the time.

Often when we hear the word "effort," we think of striving and straining. Our society these days really promotes a sense of "go, go, go, busy, busy, busy, achieve, attain." We feel like if we aren't doing that, we aren't doing it right. We have shame about not always being busy. Sometimes it actually takes effort to relax. It takes effort to say, "No, actually I can't do that right now," or "I'm going to go to bed early to take care of myself, even though I really want to do this, that, and the other thing."

Maybe Meghiya was putting forth effort in the wrong way. Maybe he was only concerned about himself and not concerned about others. Or maybe he only wanted to meditate in the beautiful place and wasn't willing to meditate where the Buddha was. We don't know exactly why the Buddha spoke to Meghiya about effort, but we can ask ourselves: what can be a support for our lives? What is important to us, and how can we increase what's helpful and decrease what's unhelpful?

Questions and Answers

Janet last week had asked, "Can you talk about procrastination?" and I was like, well, okay... so here we are! [Laughter]

Question: I'm afraid this won't be very well-posed, but you were talking about social supports. I couldn't really decide what the difference was between item one (good spiritual friends) and item three (conversations). What's the distinction?

Diana Clark: The things to talk about are actually quite a long list. I just mentioned two, but there are about eight topics in that list, and some of them are things we often don't talk about. But the first point—having friends and associates—doesn't require conversation. Sometimes you just see somebody on a meditation retreat, or even right here, sitting calmly and upright, and that alone can be a support. You're not talking to them, you don't even know them, but just practicing with others can be a support.

Question: Thank you for your talk, Diana. I've been thinking about energy and effort. I had conversations with two spiritual friends who have blocked energy, and they've been doing Somatic Experiencing⁹. It seems a little bit different—it's not so much seeing how thoughts are getting in the way of energy, but maybe there's a physical blockage. I was thinking about things like Somatic Experiencing, Qigong¹⁰, or energy work of various kinds. Do you have any thoughts about those?

Diana Clark: I have two thoughts. First, we could apply these teachings on effort to motivate ourselves to go do our Qigong practice or see our SE practitioner. Second, there is not so much in the early Buddhist literature about energy moving or being blocked in the body. I know it's in some other ancient traditions, and maybe in some later Indian traditions, but it's not in early Buddhism. I honestly don't know why.

Question: You were talking about how Right Effort could sometimes be arduous, like manual labor, and other times very subtle. What are the cues to look for to distinguish between the two across that spectrum, and determine what is the right amount of effort?

Diana Clark: I have a clear answer for this: is this increasing my suffering, or decreasing my suffering? We have to recognize that there is suffering that leads to the end of suffering, and then there is suffering that leads to more suffering. I'm using "suffering" as a really broad word here, from something really mild to something terrible. Often, if suffering isn't showing up as physical discomfort, it is a thought that supports a certain amount of tightness, tension, or closing down. There's this kind of bearing down—"I gotta do this." In contrast, Right Effort is marked by an uprightness and openness—"I am going to do this." The whole idea is to increase our well-being, peace, freedom, and ease, and to decrease our suffering. Check in with yourself to see which direction your effort is pointing.