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Guided Meditation: Metta for the Details of Ourself; Dhamette: Love (25) Personalizing Love - Gil Fronsdal

The following talk was given by Gil Fronsdal at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on February 13, 2026. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Guided Meditation: Metta for the Details of Ourself

Good morning, my friends, and welcome to our morning meditation. The topic of the meditation these weeks is Metta¹. It is often translated as "loving-kindness," but I tend to translate it as "goodwill."

One of the challenges of doing this form of meditation—evoking this social attitude or emotion—is to not be limited by any particular definition of what we think it is. Sometimes we find a definition, or hear a teacher say something, where the standard seems really high. It seems too difficult for us, or like we can't do it. The word "love" is a very imprecise word. Maybe it is used by individuals precisely, but the way it is used in English has a very wide range of meanings.

If the word is used, we have to understand the meaning that works for us. At least in terms of doing this loving-kindness meditation, we begin by appreciating all the different ways that we love, care, or have goodwill, and finding the way that works for us rather than some ideal way that is outside of us or foreign.

For example, many years ago I was in a foreign country and I went to get my haircut. It was phenomenal—the care and attention that the barber gave. It was more caring, maybe more loving, attentive, careful, kind, and friendly than I often receive in my ordinary life. It started off with a massage of the shoulders. The way the barber touched my head, cut the hair, and shaved me... there was so much tenderness, attentiveness, and carefulness that I relaxed deeply. I just felt safe. I felt cared for. You could conventionally say that I was loved, treated with kindness, respect, and value. I found myself feeling quite happy, content, and safe at the hands of this barber. It is easy to imagine that that was a form of love, a form of goodwill that I received.

So, what are the ingredients of Metta? One of them is attentiveness—that we simply attend to something, maybe tenderly, maybe slowly. Another is that we give time. We show that we are taking time to be with the person we are with, as if time disappears, as if this is what we are doing at this time with no hurry. Maybe there is a sense of interest there. Maybe there is a feeling that this person values you. Maybe there is a sense of carefulness, like treating something as if it is delicate, fragile, or extremely special.

I have felt a wonderful love for plants in the garden when I have been a gardener. I felt this warmth, this desire to care, to nourish, to nurture these plants. I remember feeling quite parental towards them. All these words are in the "soup" of what we might call goodwill or Metta. Within that soup, we find our own way. That is our form of loving-kindness.

This becomes particularly important when we offer this kind of goodwill to ourselves. One way to do that, rather than doing it for all of ourselves—the whole "catastrophe of self" as some people might feel about themselves—is to offer kindness to the particular parts of ourselves that seem relevant at a given time. That is what we will do today. As we do it, see if you can find your own way to attend to these different parts of yourself in such a way that it is your form of goodwill, your Metta.

Assume a meditation posture. Maybe you are the masseuse, the barber, or the nurse who is going to gently adjust the body of someone carefully, kindly, and respectfully. Adjust your body to be in a posture of dignity. You can be sitting upright or lying down. Adjust the shoulder blades, the spine, and the shoulders so that the shoulders roll backwards and down a little bit, and the chest has a chance to be more open. Gently close your eyes.

Like the way that barber of mine went to touch my head slowly and gently with care, slowly and gently become aware of your body. If you have ever had a massage where the masseuse seemed caring, gentle, kind, and friendly to your body, approach your body with that same kindness and gentleness. Feel it. Get to know it.

Within the body, with appreciation and care, become aware of breathing. This is the breathing that supports your very living without you usually needing to pay attention to it. Take time to just know your breathing. With the knowing, the time is making space for your breathing to be known, to be cared for, and appreciated.

Part of Metta is appreciation. Part of it might be a delight, a pleasure—the pleasure of being able to attend kindly and gently. If your breathing is challenged in any way, assume that simply being a friend who accompanies the challenge is enough. Being present. Giving time to know and to feel.

If there are parts of your body that are challenging, what would it be like to bring what you might call love to that part of your body? Start with giving it time to be known, to be recognized for what it is. To be present for it without struggling with it. To make room for it to have its own autonomy. To trust that maybe the body knows its own way. Make room so that there can be relaxing and opening around the physical challenge, where your desire for healing or for the absence of suffering is a non-assertive form of goodwill. It has a pleasure in it—the pleasure of wishing well.

Maybe offer a kind word or two to your body. May you be well. May you know that I care. May you find ease.

With a kind of attending that is friendly, caring, and offers a feeling of safety to what is cared for, bring a caring attention to your mind. Just to feel it, to accompany the sensations, the feelings, the mood, and the state of mind behind your thinking.

If your mind is challenged, be the friend who accompanies the challenged mind. Not to shame it, fix it, or be upset with it, but simply to give time for it to be known and felt.

Sit here now in the middle of all things—with your breathing, with your body, and whatever arises in your experience. Whatever you know, whatever you feel that is in the present moment, meet it with Metta. Meet it with attention, with care, with goodwill, with a tenderness or a gentleness that conveys goodwill not to "you" as a whole, but to the particular experience arising here and now.

May whatever you feel, whatever you know, be touched by the Midas touch—the Metta touch. In whatever simple way you can have something in the family of goodwill.

With every inhale, filling the breath with goodwill. So that an in-breath is an expression of kindness. For every exhale, infused with goodwill, kindness, and tenderness that spreads beyond the edges of breathing through your body.

As we come to the end of this sitting, see if there is something in the family of goodwill, appreciation, valuing, resonating, or offering safety, time, and attention that you can spread. Let it spread from you into your surrounding space, into the room you are in. Maybe it is like a soft, loving light that flows outwards, or a gentle warmth, or a soft wind riding the rhythm of breathing. A soft goodwill, a well-wishing flowing from the marrow of your body outwards into the world.

Wishing well for everyone. Wishing everyone can be their best selves, their happy selves, their peaceful selves. That everyone can be settled and calm. May the best of what it is to be a human being become second nature for everyone.

May all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings be peaceful. May all beings be free of suffering, free of oppression, poverty, and violence. May all beings be respected and valued. May they know that there is goodwill in this world, and may they know it because you bring it to the world.

Your goodwill is invaluable. Trust it. Treasure it. Remember it.

May we live for the welfare and happiness of others.

Thank you.

Dhamette: Love (25) Personalizing Love

Hello and welcome to this series on love, which I am delighted to share with you. It is a wonderful thing to have this continuous exploration, presentation, and contact with this very important topic for human beings.

Today I want to emphasize that the practices of love—living with love and the Buddhist ideas of living with Metta, Karuna², Mudita³, and Upekkha⁴ (kindness/goodwill, compassion, appreciative joy/rejoicing in the goodness of others, and a deep balanced love or equanimity)—need to be personal.

Love is not a single thing. There are many forms of love and there are many component parts of it. If we have some abstract idea of what it is, that abstract idea might be too idealistic for us. It might be something that seems out of reach because it is so pure, so complete, or so all-encompassing. We might have some idea that we are supposed to feel this way all the time, or that we can't do it because we feel angry, annoyed, resentful, or afraid.

I think that in all circumstances, the idea is to do the inner work to see what love can mean today. What is it? Some things are not quite what we call "love" but are components of it—so close to it that we might see it as a form of love or take it in as a form of love.

If a stranger, maybe someone in a store who is going to help us, is present for us with kindness, receptivity, and gives us lots of space to make our choice without hurrying us—friendly, appreciative, and delighted to be there—it feels like care. The fact that they give time for you to make your decision feels like a kind of delight or love that makes you feel safe, appreciated, and valued. It touches something in you. Does a store clerk love you? Maybe in some simple way you could say it seems that way. Maybe you say they don't, but it is the next best thing. It has some of the pieces and qualities that go into making love. It feels that way or has the effect on you as if that is the case.

I have seen people care for objects. I have seen craftspeople doing crafts. I have seen people cleaning objects, preparing food, or cooking, and it is just captivating to watch them. It feels like their care, their presence—giving themselves over to this one thing—evokes in me a kind of tenderness, a sense of grace, goodness, and beauty that I am nourished by. They are just taking care of an object, but we can have that kind of attitude or approach to all the things we do in our life, whether it is cleaning things, caring for objects, or interacting with strangers.

It could also be towards ourselves. We can offer a kind of attention to ourselves which maybe is in the family of love, or is a relative or sibling of love. It is close enough. We can offer this to particular parts of ourselves. Sometimes it is really fascinating to offer goodwill, kindness, or Metta to parts of ourselves rather than to all of ourselves. The benefit of this is that the parts are a little bit more specific and tangible. The general sense of self is so big and intangible, and perhaps we have some judgment or idea about the whole of who we are that makes it difficult to offer love. But we can offer it to the details—what we feel with our body, with our emotions, in our mind—the particularities that make up who we are. Maybe that can be the kind of care that someone gives when they are with a craft that they love, or gently, lovingly caring for a wounded bird that you hold gently and kindly.

What are some component parts? Mindfulness itself can almost feel like love. Mindfulness might be a kind of love. Where do love and attention—or mindfulness—overlap?

One overlap is that we give time to things. We are not in a hurry. I think there is no goodwill, no love, when we are really in a hurry. There is time to really let it be there. So, time for what it is. If our body hurts or aches, if the body feels happy, if there are emotions that are difficult or emotions that are wonderful—love them, care for them, be mindful of them. Give them time. Don't be in a hurry to fix and to change.

Part of the overlap between mindfulness and love is that whatever we are attending to, we allow it to feel safe. If we are attending to our fear, we somehow find a way to attend to it or be present for it where the fear feels safe from us. We are not trying to fix it, judge it, or make it go away. We have time to let it be there.

That also involves respect. We offer respect to things. It is like we offer autonomy. The heart knows how to grieve. There is something about giving time, safety, space, and autonomy to grief that really does grief a lot of good. If we add "second arrows"—if we have judgments about it and feel like we should be finished with grieving, or that it is not okay to grieve—then it is not so helpful. But it is really good to give autonomy and respect.

Another place where loving-kindness and Metta overlap is something more subtle, which is the resonance. We kind of feel like we are in a field of resonance with it. There is something new that arises when there is love or mindfulness, and that is the relationship between the things. If we are somehow discouraged and we bring mindfulness to the discouragement, it is not just the discouragement that is the issue. And it is not just "me, myself, and mine" that is the issue. But what is that resonance? What is the relationship between the two? Can that relationship be generous? Can it be attentive? Can there be something that happens in the magic, the chemistry between the thing that we are concerned with and ourselves—what we call the relationship or the attitude—where that becomes somehow healthy, nourishing, respectful, or kind?

There are these qualities that we are bringing. You might not call these things love; you might call them mindfulness. You might not call them mindfulness; you might call them love. At different times, different ones of them come into play. Different ones are elicited by the situation we are in.

To be able to love yourself, maybe a way to do it is simply to love all the parts of who you are. Whatever arises in the moment, just as you would if you walked down the street. We have a street where there are a lot of dog walkers. There is a kind of delight, friendliness, appreciation, and interest to be openhearted to most of the dogs. Why not do that to ourselves? To the particular parts of ourselves? To treat it not with judgment or the heaviness of some of the ways we can be with ourselves.

Even if we feel regrets or remorse for what we have done, or we feel a little bit heavy by the things of our life, maybe those things could use love. They can use attention. How do you do it? In the resonance of it, there is a pleasure. In the way that we meet it, the way we offer it, we feel like we are a better person because we offer this kind of attention and goodwill to whatever we are experiencing. Each thing that arises becomes a time for goodwill. Each moment becomes a time for awareness and attention.

Maybe, just maybe, today you could choose particular segments—five minutes, ten minutes, an hour here and there—where you are going to live at the speed of love, the speed of goodwill. The speed of this place where a careful presence for what we are doing conveys appreciation, respect, resonance, goodwill, safety, and trustworthiness.

May it be that you become the ambassador for love to all aspects of your life, all aspects of yourself. It is possible.

So, thank you. We will continue this topic of Metta next week. Next week, at least for Monday, the topic will be the Samadhi⁵ of Metta—the Samadhi of goodwill—and how it becomes a very significant way of unification and concentration in meditation itself.

Thank you very much.