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Guided Meditation: The Inner Critic (1); Dharmette: Working with the Inner Critic (1 of 5) Deactivating the Critic of the Critic - Diana Clark

The following talk was given by Diana Clark at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on April 01, 2024. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Guided Meditation: The Inner Critic (1)

Good morning. I say good morning, but I recognize it's not morning for everybody. As you can see by the title, for these five days I want to talk about the inner critic.

I'll start by defining the inner critic. Not everybody has this inner critic; many people do, but not everybody. I don't want to universalize it and make you feel like, "Oh, if you don't really know what I'm talking about, then you're not with the program." No, some people have it and some people don't.

It is kind of like a sub-personality inside of us, if I could use that type of language. It is constantly putting us down and belittling us. It is this voice of negativity that's blaming us and nagging at us. It has a pervasive sense of shame—shame for what we are, how we are, or who we are. Or maybe there's a climate or an attitude of harshness. It creates an internal environment where we're really harsh with ourselves.

When this inner critic is up and running, there's a feeling of inadequacy. Like somehow, who I am is not enough, or how I am is not enough. Somehow I'm not worthy. There is so much pain, so much dukkha¹ associated with this structure, this constellation, this dynamic that many people have.

Today I want to start with a guided meditation that is designed to disarm the inner critic. Part of how we're going to do this is with a meditation that's not the usual meditation. If we do the usual meditation, the inner critic—if there is one—has probably already co-opted it. It is already saying, "Oh, you can't do this right," or "It's hard for you and it's easy for everybody else," or "You're not doing it good enough." There's a way in which this might be so familiar to us we don't even recognize it.

I want to introduce a meditation practice that can be incredibly powerful and transformative, and not in the way that we're expecting it. Maybe part of its power is because we're not expecting it.

I learned this meditation practice from Sharon Salzberg, and she said that she learned it from a 94-year-old Sri Lankan monk. He was 94 years old, had an incredible amount of energy, and was enormously happy. This sounds fantastic, right? Somebody who's 94 years old with lots of energy and happiness—this is what we all want for our lives. This person did this meditation which I would like to share with you.

Before we launch into it, I want to say that it is an opportunity where we can put the logical, reasoning, or thinking mind aside. We can allow it to observe and be present, but maybe diminish or dampen some of the way it protests and criticizes. Allow the thinking mind to relax or soften here. If you were to think about it too much, you would think, "What? This is such a weird meditation. Why are we doing this?" That's okay if that feeling comes up, but we will just engage in this anyway. Why not just run a little experiment? Come and see for yourself how it is to do this.

Taking a meditation posture, a posture that has some uprightness and some ease. This uprightness can be literal or figurative. Just taking a moment to feel into the bodily experience at this moment.

How does it feel to be in this body at this time, just in general? We allow however the body is to be how it is, because it is how it is.

I'm going to guide us in a meditation, and you can repeat silently after me as I lead us in a type of body scan—a body scan that incorporates some well-wishing, some warmth.

May the head be happy. May the head be peaceful.

May my eyes be happy. May my eyes be peaceful.

May the shoulders be happy. May the shoulders be peaceful.

May the arms be happy. May the arms be peaceful.

May the hands be happy. May the hands be peaceful.

May the upper back be happy. May the upper back be peaceful.

May the lower back be happy. May the lower back be peaceful.

I'm using this expression "May the [body part]" as an invitation. Maybe less a supplication and more an invitation for that body part to be happy, without thinking about this too much.

May the chest be happy. May the chest be peaceful.

May the belly be happy. May the belly be peaceful.

It's a little bit less thinking and more well-wishing, warm-heartedness.

May the hips be happy. May the hips be peaceful.

May the legs be happy. May the legs be peaceful.

May the feet be happy. May the feet be peaceful.

Working our way back up.

May the legs be happy. May the legs be peaceful.

May the hips be happy. May the hips be peaceful.

May the belly be happy. May the belly be peaceful.

May the chest be happy. May the chest be peaceful.

May the lower back be happy. May the lower back be peaceful.

May the upper back be happy. May the upper back be peaceful.

May the hands be happy. May the hands be peaceful.

May the arms be happy. May the arms be peaceful.

May the eyes be happy. May the eyes be peaceful.

May the head be happy. May the head be peaceful.

And then, is there any area of the body that could use some care, some goodwill, some warm-heartedness?

Continue at your own pace, maybe modifying the words if you'd like, but keeping it very simple. Do a gentle body scan up and down the body with well-wishing and warm-heartedness towards different parts of the body.

Dharmette: Working with the Inner Critic (1 of 5) Deactivating the Critic of the Critic

Good morning. Today we'll start this journey on looking at the inner critic. In this guided meditation, I used a way in which we can maybe subvert the critic. The critic can be such an integral part of our meditation practice—"Oh, you're no longer on the object, you're lost in thought." There could be this way in which these little pervasive thoughts just show up in our regular meditation. So I thought it would be helpful to do a different meditation that keeps the mind busy, gives it something to do so this inner critic isn't busily chattering. Not only that, it can provide a sense of spaciousness and warmth, which is what's needed if we're going to work with this inner critic.

Again, I'll describe this inner critic as maybe something like a sub-personality inside of us. It is a way in which it is constantly putting us down and belittling us. It's a voice of negativity that's blaming us and nagging at us. Maybe it has a sense of shame—shame for what we are, how we are, or who we are. Or maybe there isn't a sense of shame with it; maybe it's just a bunch of criticizing.

But one thing that this inner critic has is a sense of harshness. It's not warm and friendly. It has a sense of "You're not good enough, you have to do more." There's this feeling of inadequacy, of "I'm not enough," "Who I am is not enough," or "I'm not worthy." Maybe those words aren't so explicit, but it's this attitude that's often just happening as this running narrative in the back of the mind or accompanying our daily life, whatever it is that we're doing.

Wow, there can be so much dukkha associated with this. For some people, it's so prevalent and such an ongoing part of their inner world that it's hard to imagine that it can't be there. It is hard to imagine that it can diminish. Or maybe there's a way in which they have a certain loyalty to it, and a real hesitation to even put it down or to look at it. We can honor this and respect that. We're not trying to critique the critic. We're not trying to say, "Oh, I shouldn't be there." That's just more of the same.

Today I want to emphasize that it's understandable that people have this inner critic, this self-critic. I wouldn't be remiss in saying that it's a cultural phenomenon. It is something that we've learned, that we've conditioned from our family, from our education, from society, from culture. It can be enormously helpful not to blame oneself that we have this inner dynamic, that we have this type of tone in our inner life.

To be sure, some people feel like it's just them, that they are the only ones that have this inner critic. When I just started to train to be a retreat teacher and a meditation teacher, and I was sitting in on practice discussions that other teachers were doing, this was quite a big revelation for me: to recognize, "Oh, this is such a common theme." When people come to talk about their practice with teachers, they don't use this language necessarily explicitly, but underneath is this sense of "I'm not doing it right," "There's something wrong with me," "Everybody else seems to have it okay, but there's something that's inadequate with me," or "I have a problem."

This is so prevalent. We have this idea that we're unusual. We think that we're the only ones, that we are unusual to have this persuasive inner critic. We mistakenly believe that we're the only ones that have these nagging negative stories. But it's not true. It turns out that so many of us are walking around trying to convince everybody, "Okay, I got it together, I know what I'm doing, I'm not really messed up as sometimes I think that I am." Not everybody has that I am, but there's often this sense of, "Okay, I got it together," when inside we don't feel like we have it together.

In fact, one of the most healing outcomes is when people realize they're not the only ones with this inner critic. In fact, it's so common. I don't want to say everybody has it, because not everybody has it, but it is so common. As part of the pandemic, we started to have more group practice discussions on these online retreats. I heard and saw people recognizing—either explicitly or implicitly—"Oh, other people have these thoughts too." They start to hear what other people were saying in these practice discussions, and there's a certain amount of healing that happened. "Oh, I'm not the only one."

It's important to know that we're not the only one because there can be the "critic of the critic." This inner critic kind of co-ops even looking at the inner critic, and there's the inner critic of the inner critic. And then there's the inner critic of the inner critic of the inner critic, and off it goes.

Today I'd like to just mention or point to the fact that we can let ourselves off the hook for the conditioning we received—the cultural conditioning, societal, biological, familial, all the different forces that were present from when we were born until we were an adult. Certainly in our early years, we didn't ask for this particular body shape, color, or size. We didn't request this particular mind that has these habits that are unhelpful. We didn't select from a catalog: "Okay, I like this emotional style, and this way of thinking, and this certain appearance, and these challenges in our lives." None of us did that. We didn't ask for all these things that had such a giant impact on the way that we are as adults now. It's kind of this cultural conditioning, just the things that formed and shaped who we are.

So we don't have to blame ourselves for all these unhelpful patterns and idiosyncrasies and ways that we show up in the world. We don't have to blame ourselves. It's due to conditioning. With Buddhist teachings, we know that everything is due to conditioning. But so often there's a way in which we think, "Oh yeah, there's all this conditioned stuff, but somehow I'm responsible for the way that I am. That's not conditioned; it's my fault."

No, we have this conditioning. It doesn't mean we don't have responsibility. We have responsibility for working with the cards that we were dealt. We didn't deal them to ourselves, but that's the hand that we got, and it's our responsibility to work with them. This is part of where this meditation practice and Buddhist practice can help us to take responsibility and to recognize that change is possible. Of course it is. Otherwise, we wouldn't have a meditation practice if we didn't think that it would be of any benefit and that anything could ever change. Of course we can.

We don't need to believe these thoughts of the inner critic. We don't need to give them the attention they're demanding. We don't need to hold them in a really high authority and think that they are the truth, and that all other data or experiences that we have somehow don't count because we have this inner critic. We think that must be the absolute truth.

Instead, we can offer kindness to ourselves. We can offer warmth to ourselves. We can offer care to ourselves. For some, this will be a radical idea, and for some, it will be a journey. It's not something that we're going to just have this inner critic go away, but it starts with recognizing that it's here in a lawful way because there is this conditioning.

In fact, we could just notice how often there is this subtle message that comes from outside of us, comes from our environment, saying that we should be different somehow. I'm not saying that we're absolutely perfect and we shouldn't change anything, but it can be enormously helpful to just notice how prevalent this message is. How many books are there trying to help us improve something? How many podcasts are there saying that you should improve something? How many conversations do we have in which one person is putting themselves down? How many movies are there? How many television programs? How many fictional stories include somebody who's putting themselves down, who thinks that they're not worthy or isn't good enough in some kind of way?

It is so common, this idea. Let alone talk about the whole advertising industry. Its whole intention is to give you a sense of inadequacy so that you feel like you need more, more, more—and of course, whatever it is that they're trying to sell. Their whole message is the sense of inadequacy and lack.

I want to say there's nothing wrong with wanting to change. There's nothing wrong with wanting to improve. There's nothing wrong with saying, "Yeah, you know, I have some unhelpful patterns, I have some unhelpful habits which cause harm to myself and cause harm to others, and I'd like them to be different." That's healthy and perfectly normal. But what a difference it would be if we have this wanting to change that comes out of care and comes out of warmth. "I care about myself, I care about others; therefore I strive or I endeavor or I have a wish to modify some of my behaviors because I care." Out of respect for myself and respect for others. As opposed to this loathing—"I loathe myself, therefore I better be different."

Oh, so painful. It's so exhausting. I don't want to say that we're absolutely perfect, but can we try encouraging ourselves to modify ourselves a little bit, or change out of care and out of warmth, and not giving into the inner critic that wants to convince us of all kinds of terrible things? One thing it wants to convince us of is that somehow we're inadequate and have to change.

Two things I'd like to suggest for today. One: just notice how prevalent this message is—"I'm not good enough"—that comes from outside. That we just hear from our society in whatever ways, or family members, or books, or movies, or any media that we are consuming. Just notice, "Like, oh yeah, wow, it's all over the place." Maybe we hadn't noticed it before because it's so normalized.

The second thing that I encourage that you might like to explore and play around with today is when you notice the inner critic inside really ramping up and getting really loud so that you can hear it, maybe you can just say: "I'm doing the best I can right now. I'm doing the best I can right now."

It doesn't mean that in the next moment you can't do something different. And it doesn't mean in the previous moment you did something different. At this moment, right now, this precise moment, we're doing the best we can. There's a way in which that can kind of soften the inner critic. As these days go on, I'll explore and share some different ideas that we can do, but maybe we'll start with this today. Otherwise, we'll really activate the critic of the critic, and that's not the direction we want to go.

So this moment: "I'm doing the best I can right now." Just notice how many messages there are about "You should be better." It's awful.

I'll end there. Wishing you all a wonderful rest of the day, or if it's evening for you, whatever portion of the day still remains for you. I'll be back here tomorrow and we'll talk more about this inner critic. Thank you.