This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video Sunday Morning Sit and Talk. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.

The Peace of Practice - Hilary Borison

The following talk was given by Hilary Borison at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on November 20, 2023. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

The Peace of Practice

Okay, well, I did not expect to be giving a talk today. I have a few notes from another talk I gave. So, I am Hilary, and I hope that you will bear with me as I don't know quite what I'm going to say. Thank you, I have some fans. [Laughter]

I know whoever was going to speak might have thought to speak about Thanksgiving today because it's coming up, for those who celebrate that, or for those who honor the Native Americans who have been here for thousands of years. With each prayer they teach, rather than imploring a deity or God, "Please do something for me," there is a thankfulness, a gratitude, a "thank you." And so I'd like to just offer that as a beginning: to feel deep gratitude for this place that we have, this Dharma Center where we can come together in peace.

I really want to honor how important Sangha¹ is, especially with all the things that are going on in the world right now. So starting with gratitude, but then wanting to acknowledge that there's a lot going on that's heartbreaking.

I don't know about you; does anybody wake up in the middle of the night with this deep dread and fear? Just raise your hand if that's true for you. Okay, not everybody, that's wonderful. Those of you who didn't raise your hand, somebody come up here and give a talk! [Laughter] You are farther on the path, perhaps, than I.

The poem that keeps coming to me in the middle of the night is by Wendell Berry, The Peace of Wild Things:

When despair for the world grows in me and I wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be, I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of still water. And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

I spend a lot of time outdoors in nature. I'm in the Eco-Chaplaincy program, and I find such solace and such peace in nature. So I really recommend that.

I would imagine that a lot of us wanted to gather here together for some kind of solace, for some kind of sharing the grief and the suffering. Not to do this alone, but to do this together.

I know that there are a lot of feelings that are coming up right now in all of us, and some of them are just very hard to hold. Just popcorn style, if people could just name some feelings that are coming up for you right now.

Audience: Anger. Sadness. Fear. Sadness. Grief. Gratitude. Joy. Happiness. Appreciation. Energy. Frustration. Uncertainty. Love. Connection. Wonder.

So, a lot of different feelings coming up right now. A lot is here. And our practice is here to help us to find that centeredness, that inner peace, when there's lots of chaos in our personal lives and in the world.

And it feels to me like this is the great teaching of Buddhism: it is when there is chaos, when there is uncertainty, when there's fear, when there's anger, when we don't really know the way forward, we stop. We pause. We take a breath, and we close our eyes, and we see if we can find some inner peace. And from that place, we can then respond wisely in the world, and not from reactivity of fear, anger, and retribution.

This is something that is wise for all people to do, and all organizations, all nations. Everyone, right? To pause for peace, to feel some peace, and to have compassion for all beings. I remember Thich Nhat Hanh² in the '60s; he was exiled from his country for choosing peace and not choosing sides, knowing that all people suffer—everyone on all sides—when there is not peace.

So how do we make peace with what is, what we're feeling? That's what we're here for. We have feelings for a reason, because they're here to tell us that something is right or something is wrong. Sometimes something needs to be done. So what do we do with these feelings? I mean, we can go into our fight, flight, or freeze.

I don't know how many of you are feeling some sense of anger? Who is feeling that right now? Okay. And how many people are feeling like you want to flee, just run away? You may be raising your hand more than once. And how many people feel frozen, you can't move? Okay.

So I would like to, just in this moment, acknowledge that a lot of us may be feeling kind of frozen, or feeling like we might want to run, or we might want to say some things that might be a little unskillful in this moment. Just let your body find a little bit of movement.

One of the things that can happen in our practice: we sit still and we hold these feelings in. And if we are really feeling fear, anxiety, and anger, it can really lock those feelings into our bodies, and we can be more and more traumatized. So I invite you to just bring in a little bit of movement to unfreeze. It might be a little rocking motion, might be from side to side. Just let your body find what it needs to do. You can close your eyes; you don't have to feel self-conscious. Just find a little bit of motion so these emotions have some place to go. And then you might find that you feel inclined to take a deeper breath in and out. Find a little ease in the body.

Guided Meditation

Then you might find that placing a hand on the heart or placing a hand on the belly, or finding your way of bringing some compassion to whatever you're experiencing. I invite you to explore with your eyes closed. You might even try just stroking your hands down your arms. You might like to just cup your hands around your face. Or if your mind is going and thoughts are whirring around in there, you might even place your hand on your forehead and the back of your skull. I love to do this when my thoughts are racing, just to feel the comfort of your own hands offering you support.

And then you might just bring your hands down to the tops of your legs, your thighs, perhaps just rubbing your thighs a little bit. Maybe even just holding your knees, just to let yourself know that, "Yeah, I'm here. There's a part of me that can support this part that is feeling a little bit out of balance." And then you might place a hand on your heart, and you could also place a hand on your belly, just feeling the warmth of your hands—or maybe they're cold—the warmth of your body, and just sensing whatever is present. Just feeling the support of your own kindness, your own compassion.

We also may feel some sense of guilt: "I'm okay in this moment, but a lot of people are not." But having compassion for being a witness to all that is happening, we too suffer along with all of our fellow human beings and all of our more-than-human beings. We too are suffering and deserve compassion.

Actually, let's just give ourselves a hug. One of the things that I do is I teach mindful self-compassion courses for six weeks, eight weeks. And it takes a long time to begin to learn to be able to take in compassion. A lot of us don't feel like we are worthy of that. Everyone else is worthy of our compassion, but we're not worthy of our own self-compassion. And we need to know, as the Buddha said, you are as worthy of love and compassion as any other being on the planet.

So there is a lot of sadness and grief and anger and other feelings. I invite you to just put your hands up like this. Choose a hand to put to the side, and the grief, the anger, those hard feelings—choose a hand and maybe just curl that up a little bit. Not in a fist, not tight, but just like you were holding a little bird that was wounded in your hand. And then with your other hand, come up underneath that hand and cup it. Cup those feelings with whatever compassion, love, kindness might be present in you to hold both.

There's a practice in mindful self-compassion that's called "meeting unmet needs." And so I invite you, if you feel like you want to close your eyes for just a moment or just have a soft downward gaze, to be present for an emotion that is here for you right now. Just one that you feel that you can hold without feeling overwhelmed. And seeing if you can just name the feeling: what is this?

Notice what happens when you give it a name. If it feels like it's magnifying, it's getting bigger, that's not actually where the intention is. The intention is just to meet that feeling and say, "I see you." So what is that for me? If I say the word "fear," I will feel more fear. It will magnify. And so that's not helpful. So I might say something like, "Oh, unease. Unease is here." It's honoring the truth of how I'm feeling without becoming overwhelmed by it.

Also, noticing how we're seeing the feeling, how are we relating to it? If I say "I am afraid," that becomes an identity. I become blended with that feeling. I feel like that's all that I am, and then I feel overwhelmed. So instead, we can say something like, "Unease is present." "There is unease here," or "there is anger," or "sadness," or whatever it is. So just giving it a name.

And then seeing if you can feel where it is in your body. Maybe it's in several places. You might just scan your body from head to toe and see: where does that feeling live in you? Find the place that it might be strongest. Maybe it's in your heart, in your chest, or in your belly, or forehead. Just finding that place, and seeing if you can bring your awareness to that place. Notice how close you can get to that feeling without getting overwhelmed by it. Maybe you need to stay a few inches from it, or a few feet. Or maybe you need to be really far away, bringing your awareness out as far as you need to to not feel overwhelmed by the feeling. And then seeing if you can bring your awareness closer, getting a little closer, just around the edges of that feeling perhaps.

And then seeing if you can bring some warmth, some kindness, perhaps putting a soothing hand there. And perhaps there are some words of support that might be helpful for you to hear. Perhaps it's, "I'm here. I'm here for you. I care. I see you. I feel you."

If you feel like you need to bring your awareness out, you might bring your awareness to parts of you that actually feel okay. What parts of you feel okay right now? And see if those parts can hold this part that feels sad, afraid, angry. See if you can just allow it to be here for just a little bit. If you feel like it's overwhelming, feel free to open your eyes, look around the room, feel your body connected to your seat, feel your feet on the floor. Just letting yourself soften around this feeling. Bring some warmth, some soothing, and allowing. Softening, soothing, and allowing.

And then feeling into an unmet need that you have right now. What is the need that you might have? Maybe it's a need to feel peace, safety, compassion. Seeing if you can actually, either through your hand or through your breath, breathe this in. Feel this quality that would be nourishing right now. Seeing if you can feel that in the air that we breathe together. All of our good intentions, all of our good wishes, can we collectively breathe them in from each other, and breathe them out to each other?

You might even, if you feel inclined, open your eyes and look around. Perhaps make some eye contact with someone in the room and sense some loving-kindness, some compassion from yourself to someone else. Maybe a smile to know that you are not alone. We are not alone. We are here together in loving-kindness and compassion.

Creating the World We Want

And I'd like us to think about what it is, the world that we want to live in, the world that we want to inhabit, that we want to help create. And again, I invite you to just popcorn style, say some words. What is it that you want in the world, that you want to bring into the world?

Audience: Peace. Rest. Kindness. Gentleness. Care. Understanding. Patience. Humor. Acceptance. Respect. Gratitude. Inclusion. Tolerance. Connection. Self-love.

I love that. You know, all of these qualities, when we speak of them, do you feel like you're lifted a little bit just by saying them, just thinking about them?

Because we have about 15 minutes left, I'm going to invite us for about 10 minutes to get in groups of maybe three or four. Gather with your community, and you're welcome to talk about anything that you're feeling right now, if that's feeling like, "Oh, I'm just feeling this unease." I invite you, as you share that—maybe the first round—then the second round go around and say what is it that you would like to see more of and bring in. If you would not like to participate, you're welcome to sit with me, or just sit quietly. And for those who are on Zoom, I invite you to journal if you don't have someone that you can share with. I'll ring the bell in about 10 minutes, so feel free to connect with each other.

Closing Reflection

I just wanted to close for the moment for those who are online and those who might need to be going somewhere else. My heart is just full, seeing everyone so connecting and creating community and sharing. We need to be with each other to help each other hold what is here.

I'm just going to end by reading lyrics to a song. It's so beautiful: In These Arms by Jennifer Berezan³. If you haven't already gone online onto YouTube, there's a beautiful video of her making this. I really recommend it. I'll just read one little part of this song:

I cannot turn my eyes, I cannot count the cost, Of all that has been broken, And all that has been lost. I cannot understand, The suffering that life brings, War and hate and hunger, And a million other things. When I've done all that I can, And I try to do my part, Let sorrow be a doorway, Into an open heart. And the light on the hills is full of mercy, The wind in the trees, it comes to save me. This silence, it will never desert me, I long to hold the whole world in these arms.

May all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings everywhere be free. May the benefit of our practice, the peace, the centeredness, the groundedness that we find in this practice, may it support us as we are encountering all of our own individual suffering, and also the suffering of all those around us. Bearing witness to this, may we be light, and love, and compassion in the world. May it ripple out from us in all the small ways, from a smile, to a "thank you," to a helping hand. May it ripple out into the world and grow and grow.

Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for your practice. I really feel uplifted and nourished by being with you.