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Happy Hour: Brightening Our State of Mind-Heart - Nikki Mirghafori

The following talk was given by Nikki Mirghafori at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on December 28, 2023. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Happy Hour: Brightening Our State of Mind-Heart

Introduction

Hello, everyone, and welcome to Happy Hour. Before we begin, I have a couple of announcements. As the year 2023 comes to a close and the new year 2024 starts pretty soon, there will be a transition. I will be stepping back from leading the Fridays. I'll only be leading Mondays and Wednesdays. Bruni Dávila will step in to lead each Friday's Happy Hour. I am delighted to welcome Bruni, and please welcome her when you see her this Friday.

Carly asked who the third party is that this stream is being sent to. It's just YouTube. We always do this, but this is the new version of Zoom, so it's asking you to accept it. Nothing has changed about Happy Hour; it's just being streamed online on YouTube, so no worries.

Also, I will be away on the East Coast teaching for the next few weeks, so I will be out for a while. You'll be in great hands with a wonderful group of substitute teachers.

Brightening Our State of Mind-Heart

With that, let's transition to practicing together. As the year is coming to a close, this is a good time for reflection, especially reflection around kindness. I had a conversation with a good Dharma friend the other day, and we were reflecting on considering our state of mind and heart as we go to bed every night. We asked ourselves: "If I didn't wake up tomorrow morning, what is my state of mind?"

This theme relates to death and rebirth because, in some ways, the old year of 2023 is dying, and the new year is being given birth to. Along the same lines, if my state of mind is filled with mettā¹ and kindness for others, myself, and the world—whether there's brightness in my heart and mind, or whether there's anger and resentment—is this what I want to remember and go to bed with? Is this how I want to be closing out this phase?

It's never too late. We always look forward to the new year with resolutions for "next year," but let's look at the endings. Let's look at right here, right now, cultivating our states of mind and heart for kindness and compassion. That is a reflection I wanted to share.

Guided Meditation

Let's transition and start meditating together. Arriving in our chair, arriving in our seat, arriving on our sit bones. Allowing ourselves to settle in this moment. Ask yourself: What is my state of mind right now? What is the state of my body, the state of my mind, the state of my heart?

Trusting that you have a choice. We all have a choice. How do I want to incline my mind in this moment? How do I want to be in this moment? Maybe if there's suffering in this mind, in this body, maybe I want to have more kindness in this moment. With each breath, breathing in kindness, breathing out kindness.

If you're having a challenging time for whatever reason—maybe with the body, maybe with emotions—can you breathe in a little more kindness to this body in this moment? Like a soothing salve.² If there's any agitation, disturbance, anxiety, sadness, or anything that needs more care, can you breathe in more kindness? Bring more care around it, through it, with all the patience in your heart. We greet our minds, our hearts, and our bodies with friendliness with every breath.

Now, can we radiate out this kindness with every breath? Bringing to mind, to your heart, a friend, a benefactor, or someone for whom kindness and care rises with ease. With every out-breath, radiating your kindness towards this being, this child, this pet. Letting your heart be subtly uplifted, just a little brighter, through this act of generosity. Giving them the gift of your kindness, your goodwill.

For the third part of this practice session, after having shared our own goodwill with ourselves and shared it with others, let's imagine ourselves completely open to receiving a gift. In the same way that when we were children, perhaps we were open to receiving gifts from Santa. Our hearts were opened; we didn't say, "No, we don't want gifts of kindness and generosity." We received gifts, we accepted them. With that same innocence of accepting generosity, let yourself receive.

Receive the generosity of goodwill. It could be either from your friend, your benefactor, the child or pet you're imagining, or it could be from an archetype. From the Buddha, from Kuan Yin,³ from a being of light, from the universe. This gift being the gift of goodwill. Just let yourself feel nourished by it. This bright light of goodwill and kindness given to you. Opening your heart, your whole body, to bask in it. There is nothing you have to do to earn or deserve it. It's here, it's provided for you. Let yourself trust it. For just this minute at least. If it's possible, it's always possible.

Whatever state of mind you have right now, is this the state of mind you would wish to have if you went to bed and did not wake up? Can you invite more kindness and brightness? Receive the generosity of goodwill towards yourself, and share it with others. We have a choice as to how we conduct our mind, our inner thoughts, our inner life, how we live it.

For the last minute or two of this practice, let yourself relax. Inviting in, breathing in kindness, breathing out kindness. Receiving and sharing.

May we cultivate awareness and mindfulness of our inner life. May we cultivate goodness, kindness, and compassion, internally and externally. May all beings everywhere be happy. May all beings everywhere be free.

Small Group Reflections

An interesting practice, right? When we connect awareness and mindfulness to our state of mind right now, what do we want this state of mind to be? Especially if we raise the stakes and think, "If this were my last moment, if I went to bed like this and never woke up, is this the state of mind I want to have?" And then, how do I let go? Do I forgive? Do I bring in more kindness? What is the wise action?

With that, I'd like to invite us into small groups to explore this theme and how it lands for you. You can talk about how this meditation was for you or how this theme impacts you. Share from your own experience. Allow the next person to share a nugget, and please do not comment on each other's experiences.

If this were the last time you saw each other, how would you want to be remembered? How do you want to leave? What gift of kindness do you want to impart? Maya Angelou famously said that people will not remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel. How are you going to touch people with kindness and goodwill in the small groups? Be kind, be generous, and take care of each other.

Q&A and Community Reflections

Nikki: Welcome back, everyone. We have a few minutes for reflections, comments, or questions about how this practice was or anything that came up in the small groups.

Mima: Thank you, Nikki. What I've noticed is that this practice brought things closer for me to be able to see. I noticed kind gestures towards myself. I mentioned in the group that I have a walking buddy, and every morning she hugs me when I see her. I'm so much more receptive to these kind gestures, and I could feel my heart light up and radiate throughout my body. I also had double vision, and my son reached out to hold my hand to help me. I felt his tenderness; it just touched me. He's a grown man, but I told him, "I notice your tenderness, you're so gentle with me," and I had not noticed it before. This practice has made me much more receptive to kindness, and also much more aware when it isn't there. It has benefited me tremendously.

Nikki: Thank you, Mima, for sharing this. This is a sensitivity training. Isn't it wonderful for us to become more sensitive as human beings? It makes us more sensitive, but it is also a strength. Someone might think, "Oh, then things hurt more." Well, yes, but at the same time, we have a choice. Do we want to be a rock going through life, not feeling anything? Like that song, "I am a rock, I am an island... I feel no pain." We can be an island. We can be a rock, not touching anyone, not being touched. And yet, we can become more sensitive, feeling when people are touching us or touched by us, and we get touched by them. This sensitivity, this tenderness, is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing this, Mima.

Marian: I came in late, sorry about that. Then I lost my internet, so if you had to continually accept me into the room, I apologize.

Nikki: No, it was all good. In fact, I had some problems at the beginning and had to restart Zoom a couple of times, so people were thrown off. Thanks for your patience, and here you are. Thanks for making it, Marian.

Marian: Hearing the invitation to just let Kuan Yin give mettā for one minute—one possible minute—was very, very powerful, I thought. Big problems can be helped by that for one minute. Who knows what a catalyst one minute of mettā⁴ like that could be. Thank you very much for that.

Nikki: Thank you, Marian. Thanks so much for sharing your experience and how powerful actually implementing that invitation was for you. It's amazing, right? Sometimes we think of this practice as, "Oh, it's hard, I can't do this." But then we think, "I can do this for just one minute," or "I can do this for just five seconds." "I can let this love in, I can accept love for one second. It's okay, I'm going to shut down in one second, no problem, but for just one second I'm going to open up and let it in." And that can make a huge difference. Because we can! That one second will become two seconds, and a minute, and then five minutes, an hour, and then that's who we become more and more. Thanks, Marian, for highlighting that.

Sara: Hello, and thank you so much for this practice. There was a beautiful reflection in our group about this practice tonight, but also in general about the space that has been created over time, allowing for this possibility of openness, of mettā, and kindness. As you were talking about reflecting at the end of the year, I felt like this could be connected to just the appreciation of having this possibility to sit here and hear your beautiful teachings. I'm still trying to understand what happens, but something happens. You can see it throughout the day. Since last time, for example, I've been singing, "It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood." I see what's happening in the neighborhood; something is really happening in me, and it comes out, and it's unbelievable sometimes. So thank you, thanks for this space. I really appreciate it.

Nikki: Thank you so much, Sara joon,⁵ for being part of the space and being a member of the sangha.⁶ For showing up and supporting others, and supporting yourself with this practice. Yes, things happen, and "it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood," right? It can be a beautiful day in the neighborhood outside and inside. When we get to see more and more beauty in the world, we become beautiful. Our minds become beautiful, our neighborhoods become beautiful.

On that beautiful note, I want to express my appreciation for our Happy Hour and this neighborhood that we are co-creating together. It's not just me, it's not just Liz and Bruni who will be joining us. After three and a half years of teaching Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I'm going to step back. I'll still be teaching Mondays and Wednesdays, and Bruni Dávila, who has been one of our substitute teachers, is going to hold Fridays moving forward. Happy Hour will continue to be five days a week, and Liz is continuing to hold it on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Also, I will be traveling to the East Coast to teach, so you will be in great hands with wonderful substitute teachers for the next few weeks.

With that announcement out of the way, I want to express my appreciation for the sangha. We co-create this space together, all of us. It's not just the teachers; it's all of you coming, showing up, practicing, and supporting each other. There is so much community group wisdom. We teach each other, we deepen each other's practice. Thank you all. Thank you for being this beautiful Happy Hour sangha and spreading your love. May we all wake up. May we shine our light in the world. May we all be happy. May we all be free. Thanks, everyone.