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Guided Meditation: Gentling the Heart; Dharmete: Love (2) Choosing Love - Gil Fronsdal

The following talk was given by Gil Fronsdal at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on January 06, 2026. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Guided Meditation: Gentling the Heart

Hello and welcome to this meditation session where the orientation is towards meditating with love, with loving-kindness, with Metta¹. Sometimes it is helpful not to do that directly, but to set up a foundation for it. The foundation for meditating in the context of love is the same as setting up meditation for the context of mindfulness or awareness. That will be the focus for today.

The principle here is that when we sit down to meditate, we are not continuing business as usual. We are not just letting the mind freely do whatever it was doing earlier. Just like we don't do that with our body. If we spend our day surfing the web, or if we spend the day busily tapping our feet and fingers, being nervous, shaking our legs—when we sit down to meditate, we don't continue tapping our fingers, swinging our legs, grimacing, or complaining. We stop that in order to be still with the body.

It is the same way with the mind. We don't want to repress anything. We don't want to deny anything or cover anything over. But there are simple ways of shifting the orientation of how we are when we sit down to meditate. To do this consciously, to do this clearly, is a way of deep respect and deep care for how it is to enter into this deeper contemplative connection to oneself.

So, take the time to assume a posture. Enter into a physical posture that for you represents or expresses some sense of strength. Show up in an established, strong way where the posture is confident. You don't have to feel confident, but ask yourself: what would a confident posture be that is not overdone? An alert posture.

There is something about sitting upright—or if you are laying down, adjusting your back, your shoulder blades, and your shoulders, rolling them back down—so that there is an openness and a confidence in the area around the heart. Rather than being led by the mind, driven by the mind, or pushing forward with the mind, lead with the heart. Is there some posture of confidence that opens the chest, that opens the heart area? Gently close the eyes.

I have heard people refer to loving-kindness as a "gentling of the heart." So then gently, not too much, maybe slowly take some fuller breaths. And then as you exhale, have a long, relaxed exhale where you are gentling your body, your torso. Take some strong, long, deeper breaths, just long enough to still be comfortable. Relaxing.

One of the advantages of deeper breaths at the beginning is the way in which it opens or spreads the area around the heart, the middle of the chest. And then, letting the breathing return to normal.

Is there some simple way where there can be a gentling of the breathing? Or maybe allow a gentleness in how breathing expands and contracts, moves the chest, the torso, the belly.

As you are breathing, as if you are breathing with all of who you are, notice if there is any way that you feel afraid, anxious, or apprehensive. If that is the case, gently touch the anxiety. Gently feel it. It is okay. Having acknowledged its place, and whether you feel any anxiety or not, see if you can shift your attention, shift the way you are to feeling safe here and now.

There might be reasons to be anxious, reasons to be afraid in life, but there is no need to be involved in that, to feed that here and now in this setting with the meditation. See if you can find places in your body where you feel safe. It could be something like the back of your elbows. Could be your toes or your fingers. Maybe the lips touching.

Chances are that aside from what you are thinking about, imagining, or projecting into the world, in these few minutes we are sitting here, in the space just around your body—just the place you are sitting—for these minutes, it is safe. For these minutes here, recognize how there is nothing to be afraid of in the moment, in this location. Let other fears you have have their place, but let them recede to the background.

Switch to how nourishing, to how supportive it is to feel some modicum of safety here and now. Maybe find some places in the body and breathe with that safety. Maybe even there is a gentling in your breathing. In the ways that breathing is gentle, there is some degree of feeling safe, peaceful, content.

Now, place yourself, center yourself on how you can access a feeling, a sense of safety, of peace. That here and now things are well. Well enough that rather than being fed the opposite of safety and peace, rather than being preoccupied, occupy the place where there is peace and safety within you. From which you can breathe. From within which you can be aware of whatever is happening.

Shifting from preoccupation to a peaceful gentling of the heart. As if the peace, the safety that is here, is here to gentle the heart.

Is there something inside of you that is touched by the gentling of the heart? See if you can feel some gentleness of the heart, around the heart center, the emotional center within. In this safety and peace, is there anything for you corresponding to love that is not something you do, but something that shines, something that radiates? A gentle warmth, a gentle light, a gentle glow or vibration.

Like you are sitting taking in the warmth of the sun on a cold day, sit and take in the warmth, the glow, the gentleness of whatever for you corresponds to love, kindness, compassion, and care. Breathing with it, letting it spread through your body.

Allow yourself to be as simple and gentle as you can. A simplicity of being. Not something you make happen, but something you feel your way into. Where is the simplest, gentlest way that exists within you? Breathe with that. Let the gentleness, the simplicity, the softness be allowed to touch you, nourish you, warm you. With every breath.

As we come to the end of this sitting, let the thinking mind become quiet, or shift your attention to that deeper sensitivity to your heart center, your emotional center, that is silent of thoughts. That exists and glows and radiates and vibrates without thinking necessary; independent of your thoughts. Feel the silent way that gentleness, softness, kindness, and love can have a more central place when we feel safe, peaceful, and quiet within.

At the end of a meditation, it is invaluable to express the connection the meditation has with our goodwill for the world. I will offer you a few words. Drop a few words into the space and see if you can imagine, feel, and radiate the sentiment of these words out into the world. As if you are touching your neighbors, your communities, the world around you with these sentiments.

Happy. Safe. Peaceful. Kindness. The gentleness of your heart.

May it be that individually and collectively we give time and space to our goodwill, to spread the warmth of goodwill throughout the world. May all beings be happy, and may all of us be happy. And may we live for the welfare and happiness of all.

Thank you.

Dharmete: Love (2) Choosing Love

Welcome now to this second talk on love. Love as an integral part of Buddhist practice and a Buddhist life.

Of course, the word "love" in English has so many different meanings, but it is still a valuable word to use because it touches so many different ways in which the heart can radiate warmth, goodwill, and kindness. In Buddhism, we don't leave love to chance or accident. There is actually an orientation towards supporting and growing our capacity for a kind of deep, healthy love, goodwill, kindness, compassion, care, deep appreciation, and joy. It is an important part of human life.

The kind of love that Buddhism focuses on is different than romantic love. It is different than sexual desire. It is different than a kind of holding on, an attachment to ways in which we are praised or held up. There are many ways in which people associate love that is complicated and involves some attachment, clinging, and conceit.

There is a way of love that does not involve conceit, does not involve attachment, that speaks to the goal of Buddhism, which is liberation. One of the forms of liberation, one of the ways to attain this liberation, is liberation through love, through loving-kindness, through compassion.

It is remarkable that these sentiments of Metta¹, Karuna², Mudita³, and Upekkha⁴—goodwill, compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity—exist within us. We can cultivate them, we can grow them, we can develop them. They come with non-attachment and they support non-attachment. They support a softening and relaxing of all the places we are attached, clinging, tight, afraid, angry, resentful, desirous, and greedy.

One of the ways Buddhist practice unfolds is not only through mindfulness but through the wonderful power of this softening power of love. It is hard in the face of love to stay angry. It is hard in the face of love to stay afraid. It is hard in the face of this deep, heartfelt love to stay caught in desires. It is remarkable to allow this to spread and to open and be part of this.

The two go hand in hand. Mindfulness in some ways helps us to relax our attachments, our preoccupations, and our clinging, which opens us up to love. And love then does the same action; it begins softening and relaxing. But then we open up more to being mindful, to being present. The fullness of love only happens when we can really be present. The fullness of being really present opens up to love.

At some point, not a few people discover that to be aware, to be really settled in the present moment, very attentive, very attuned and connected to oneself—that kind of mindfulness is synonymous with, continuous with, or deeply intimate with love. And love is deeply connected to mindfulness. Mindfulness is not dry. Mindfulness is not this abstract kind of way of being attentive. It is filled with a warmth. It is filled with goodwill, kindness, and compassion as these different ones are needed.

The power of love is represented in this very famous poem from the Dhammapada⁵. This poem has been very transformative for people down through history, from the time of the Buddha. Maybe it will touch something in the heart. The poem goes something like this:

Hate is not overcome by hate. Hate is only overcome by love. This is the ancient teaching.

In the time of the Buddha, this was a verse that was associated with a man who was quite evil; he was a murderer named Angulimala⁶. Somehow he was transformed in the context of the Buddha. This was his understanding. Maybe he had a lot of hate, and that is why he was so terrible. But to try to make the world better for oneself through more hate, by getting rid of everything, doesn't really work. It is only through love.

There is a famous story of the first major emperor of India named Ashoka⁷. Apparently, he was quite a cruel, conquering king in his early monarchy. He was involved with great battles with tens of thousands—the texts say a hundred thousand—deaths on the battlefield.

There is a story of him standing in the middle of the battlefield. Apparently, he won the battle, but he was standing there in the midst of all this carnage, and coming across the field was a Buddhist monk who walked in a very stately, mindful, peaceful way. He was just walking through the field on his way to someplace. The king had never seen anybody like this. He only knew war and soldiers and anger and aggression.

He asked the monk a question: "What is your teaching? What are you about?"

And the monk said to him, "Hate is not overcome by hate. Hate is only overcome by love. This is the ancient teaching."

To hear that out of the mouth of this peaceful sage transformed King Ashoka. He became a nonviolent king and became known for his dedication to nonviolence and stopping the slaughter of animals and all kinds of things.

More recently, at the end of World War II, Japan had been conquered and vanquished. There were different powers at that time who claimed a stake to different parts of Japan because it was a conquered nation. Mostly the United States was in charge. About six years after World War II was over, something like 30 or 50 nations gathered in San Francisco, at the Opera House, to have a big meeting to discuss what was supposed to happen to Japan. Would Japan get carved up and different nations would take different parts to become their own? Or would Japan become an independent nation again?

People were afraid of Japan becoming strong again and becoming a conquering country. They couldn't decide. The foreign minister from Sri Lanka stood up in these difficult conversations and disagreements, and he gave a speech talking about his brothers and sisters in Japan and how Japan was part of the family of nations. But then he recited this poem:

Hate is never overcome by hate. Hate is only overcome by love. This is the ancient teaching.

When he said that, the story goes that all these prime ministers and foreign ministers in this difficult conversation relaxed. They all then decided that they would allow Japan to become an independent nation again.

So, the power of love—how can we tap into it? How can we learn to recognize it more often?

The suggestion I have is that your capacity for love, for care, for kindness, is actually much more often available than you avail yourself of. It is there if you can somehow look past your fear, look past your anger, look past your desires, look past your anxieties. If you can somehow not be living in anxiety, living in desires, living in aversion.

Can you be mindful, can you be aware in a different way? If you are aware anxiously of your anxiety, it feeds the anxiety. If you are aware angrily of your anger, it feeds your anger. If you are aware desiringly of your desire, it feeds your desire.

But if you can be aware of your anxiety kindly, gently, softly, it doesn't feed it. If you can be aware of your anger and hatred kindly, softly, it doesn't feed it. If you can be aware softly, kindly, it feeds your kindness. It feeds your love.

May you begin now at the beginning of this year to take love and kindness a little bit more seriously than you usually do. To follow along now as we set out this course of practice around love and kindness—to explore it, to consider it, to think about it, to talk about it. May it be that we are on a journey of love which takes us to the heart of what the Buddha had to teach.

Thank you.