This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video Guided Meditation: Dharmette; Hindrances (2) Mindful with Ill-will. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.

Guided Meditation: Open-hearted; Dharmette: Hindrances (2) Mindful with Ill-will - Kodo Conlin

The following talk was given by Kodo Conlin at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on January 27, 2026. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Introduction

So, good morning all. Great to be with you and great to practice with you. I'm enjoying seeing the stream of good mornings, good days, good afternoons. Yeah, really lovely. Great.

So today, we continue with our practice of being mindful with the hindrances. Yesterday, we covered mindfulness with desire, sense desire as a hindrance, and today we'll move on to the second of the classic list, which is ill will. A topic like this, we should settle in. Let's meditate together.

Guided Meditation: Open-hearted

Beginning with a simple breath. Sensing our way back to the body. Before we do anything, what's here? And how can I settle in?

Letting the body settle right here in this place, with a lengthened and noble spine. And a few full breaths.

Let's release anything that can easily be let go in the mind, in the body.

What's happening now? Taking one aspect of experience at a time. Just a gentle check-in. How's the breathing? What's its length and texture?

And with the whole felt body, what sensations are predominant? Heat or cold? Places of tension, places of relaxation, movement, stillness. The body as the body, not the story of the body.

And lightly checking in. Is there any emotion or mood or attitude that's present right now? Even faintly in the background. If so, how do you know it?

Letting it all flow through the breathing, sensations of the body, emotions. Without leaving these behind, are there any thoughts coming through the mind? Maybe any thoughts that need a moment of acknowledgement and lightly setting aside for now.

And one more check-in with experience. How is the attention? Is it moving around, flitting from object to object? Is it steady, relatively still? Does it feel a little exhausted or ragged? Or is attention just gliding along with experience without tension?

Now for the rest of the meditation, just one simple instruction. And that is to meet all things with a very gentle, very slight inclination to openheartedness. No need to change anything that comes up. But perhaps with each breath, the slightest inclination, opening the heart like you're holding up a small candle, like a tealight in a big open space. Very gentle.

Gently meeting everything that arises with a touch of openheartedness, like holding up a small light in a wide open sky.

All right. May our practice shine a light for all beings.

Thank you very much.

Dharmette: Hindrances (2) Mindful with Ill-will

So again, welcome. Today's the second day on mindfulness with the hindrances. Maybe I'll start us off by saying that in my way of thinking about it, on the path to a fully mature heart, one that's fully mature in the dharma, a heart that's loving and steady, we are sure to encounter the opposites. And this is not an error. It's not a fault. It's not even a problem. If we ever thought the path was complete without our challenges, we would be mistaken.

Actually, I think of some of the most mature practitioners I've known, folks who've been practicing for decades. Something about them I tend to see in common is a sort of humility. And I believe that has something to do with, after establishing in the practice, coming to encounter the challenges that arise in our hearts. One among these, of course, is going to be the hindrance of ill will. So it's not a problem. It's part of the path. Joys are the path and so are the challenges. Both get to be included with mindfulness and respect.

So for this week, we're looking at all five of the hindrances, exploring an approach to being with them that emphasizes our mindfulness practice.

The second hindrance is known as vyāpāda¹, ill will is a usual translation. Also hostility, sometimes aversion. As I said yesterday, the teachings on the hindrances abound. There are a lot of them. And one of my favorites about hindrances on retreat practice is by Guy Armstrong. He gave a dharma talk in December of 1994. And in this talk, Guy gives this extensive list of just some of the ways that this hindrance can manifest. This is a sample from his list. See if you recognize any of these:

Aversion, negativity, disliking, hatred, anger, impatience, fear, sadness, grief, judgment, guilt, blame, resentment, depression, despair, resistance, conflict.

He said, "There's more, but I didn't want to bore you." I might add a simple word: friction. I think just hearing that list, it's so clear how this hindrance covers over the expression of a loving heart.

As we apply our mindfulness, one of the first questions is, what's the story that aversion is telling, ill will is telling, hostility is telling? What's the story? What are the thoughts? Some of the basic shapes of these stories might be this: "Whatever this is, this is not good enough." Maybe it's, "Who did this? You did this." Or maybe the really sticky story, "You did this to me. And I'll only be satisfied once this is gone."

So these are some of the thoughts that ill will hostility expresses. And as with the other hindrances, it can blind us to our own goodness. It covers over our ability to see what's wholesome for us and for others.

So again, I'll share this classic image with you. As the passage goes, when one dwells with a mind obsessed by ill will, overwhelmed by ill will, and does not understand as it really is the escape from arisen ill will, on that occasion, one neither knows nor sees as it really is one's own good or the good of others or the good of both. That's to say, when we're in the midst of a mind overtaken by ill will, it's difficult to see a wise way forward.

So again, the image goes on, and this time it's a bowl of water that's heated over a fire. It's bubbling and boiling. And the image says, "A person with good eyesight, if they were to look into the bowl to try to see their reflection, they wouldn't be able to do it." And it's just the same with a mind of ill will. I think of the phrase we have in English of "seeing red." There's a way that ill will shifts our perception. We may be seeing, but we're seeing in a, let's say, altered way.

One way that it obscures our vision is by an amazing power that it has, and that is to keep us glued to our story. This is expressed really nicely in a story I found in a newspaper some while back. It was an article called "Five Stories of Rage and Regret." You know, I think maybe some of us can relate all too well. These are first-person stories, and this one, this story within the story was called, "My Friends Have the Gall to Continue Being Cheerful." It goes like this:

After many months of lockdowns in England, my wife and I were finally able to visit our close friends in London. My wife and I arrived on time for our coffee, but our friends showed up 10 minutes late. This deeply annoyed me. They had suggested the time and place, and I had cut my run short to accommodate them. Wasn't that inconsiderate? I said something passive-aggressive like, "So glad you could make it." They didn't react, nor did they apologize for their tardiness. This filled me with incandescent rage. How dare they? My friends had the gall to continue being cheerful the entire time we hung out.

Later, I rehashed the incident with my wife. She didn't think it was a big deal, but I burst into sobs. "I don't want to be friends with him anymore," I said, while my wife stared at me, baffled. There I was, a 32-year-old woman sobbing on her wife's chest because our dear friends were late for coffee. "You want us to end the friendship over this?" she asked mildly. "Yes," I cried. My wife, bless her, had the awareness to let me bawl it out. Later, we laughed about my temporary insanity. The prolonged isolation of lockdown had turned me prickly, petulant, and socially brittle. I'd forgotten how to be with people.

Fascinating story. And I think it well illustrates the kind of mind we're talking about. She came to see that aversion arose, dominated her perception, and then the story became the only filter that she could see through for a while. And only then did a wider view become available, some kind of bigger picture, and then the good qualities could peek through—the appreciation, the metta² even.

So with the mind of aversion, there can be this laser focus on what we experience as not right. But we're seeing only a tiny fraction of experience. Sometimes Pam Weiss will say it's like we're looking at the sky through a straw, not the whole. It's best not to trust such partial information, of course, but it's hard to know we're in the midst of it. This is one of the hindrances that can cause so much social harm so quickly that it's a benefit to have a few active remedies ready. But let's talk about mindfulness first.

How might we get to know ill will? And remember, this is not an investigation for investigation's sake, but by examining, investigating the hindrance itself while it's active, we can nourish mindfulness and de-nourish the hindrance. In the language we used yesterday, if we're aware of aversion aversively, then we're feeding aversion. But if we're aware of aversion mindfully, non-reactively, then we're feeding mindfulness.

So let's again go through these five aspects of mindfulness practice. First, you might look at the breathing. Maybe it's faster, maybe it's forceful. How is it for you? Maybe the depth changes depending on the intensity of ill will. A little annoyance might influence your breath slightly, but all-out anger may make for a deep, forceful breath.

What's it like in the body? Tension in the jaw, the shoulders? Maybe heat, maybe increased heart rate. What else? What sensations are present? And how do I know ill will through the body right now?

Third, of course, is emotions. What emotions are present? Aversion is kind of a blanket word. It's pretty general, but can we get more specific? What are the different flavors that are here? Is it like I'm peeved, I'm irritated, I'm annoyed? Or to borrow some of Guy's list, am I disliking? Am I angry? Am I feeling impatient? Am I feeling fearful, sad, grieving, judging? It may help while we're observing these emotions to not get stuck in them by remembering that no emotion is permanent. I remember a story: someone went to Dharma Elder Mel Weitsman to talk to him about a persistent anger they were having, and Mel gave them a surprising instruction. "I want you to try to stay angry all day long." And they couldn't do it. They came to discover that no emotion is permanent, no matter how difficult. So of course, we have all kinds of tools for mindfulness of emotion to help us with this.

Then fourth, what about the thoughts? What's the story? Again, "This isn't good enough. Who did this? You did this. You did it to me." How about for you?

And then fifth, what's going on with our attention? Regarding attention, desire and aversion are two sides of one coin. They're both associated with a sort of fixation on the object of attention—that thing over there, either the object we want or the object we want to be away from. There can be a sort of momentum.

As we become more familiar with how the hindrances manifest for us, we can catch the signs earlier and earlier and earlier. And this is powerful because the longer the hindrance persists, it can be that it snowballs if we're feeding it. Of course, it can be that it fades away. But can you pick it up? Can you start to pick up the signs when it's still just a little intermittent breeze rather than picking up the signs once the gale-force winds are outside?

Some active remedies in addition to mindfulness, just to name them briefly: One is to make a resolve that whatever the situation, right now, for this moment while I'm in the midst of the hindrance of ill will, I will not make this situation worse. It's a very challenging training in restraint, and sometimes it only helps 5%.

Second might be, watch your intentions, if the presence of mind is available. Are my intentions coming out of hostility and hatred? And that may give us pause.

The third then is to be willing to pause, to take a break. To say something like, say you're in a situation where ill will is arising while you're talking with someone and you can see that you're going to make this worse, be willing to take a pause. Say something along the lines of, "This is important to me, and I need a few minutes to regroup." Take a break, come back, don't make it worse. And as Gil says, if you can, make it better.

So, that's a tall order.

There are some other recommendations, of course, for working with ill will. A lot of material relative to the hindrances. Maybe I'll close by saying part of the transformative power of bringing mindfulness and ill will together, especially, is that it's through this hindrance that we can really come to understand that the hindrances change the way we see. And if we hang in there with them and let them move through, we see that no feeling is final.

So just to sum up with ill will: know ill will as ill will. That's the power of our mindfulness practice. How is it showing up in this mind and body right now? Also, recognize when it's absent. Turn to mindfulness of breathing, the body, sensations, emotions. And in as wide a space as you can muster, let it all move through.

So may our attention, our intention to practice with these challenging states that are not an error, may this bring some compassion and wisdom into the world. May our practice be for the benefit of all beings. Please enjoy your day of practice and we'll see you in the morning. Take care.