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Guided Meditation: Love Close to Love Far; Dharmette: Love (14) The Power of Kindness - Gil Fronsdal

The following talk was given by Gil Fronsdal at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on January 22, 2026. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Guided Meditation: Love Close to Love Far

Hello, and welcome to this meditation session. To set the stage, I’d like to read a poem from the Buddha, from an ancient collection of texts called the Udana¹:

If you searched in all directions throughout the world, you would find no one more dear than yourself. Since each person is most dear to themselves, those who love themselves should not harm anyone.

The idea is that there is something about being alive as a human being such that for each individual person, you won’t find someone more dear, more valuable, or more to be loved than yourself. But the consequence of that realization is a kind of love for others. Because if you love yourself in this way—caring for yourself and understanding that other people also see themselves as so dear—then we treat everyone as dear and we don’t want to harm anyone.

We see that we find no one dearer than ourselves because the person we are closest to is ourselves. If our love is going to be universal, we want to start close in, with ourselves. Sometimes that is where it is most difficult, but it is most worthwhile because it gives us an incredibly important foundation to not harm others.

An example of this is Martin Luther King Jr., who had a message of love and a message of non-harming. For him, the two came hand-in-hand, and he changed the world and this country rooted in those two things. This love is not necessarily selfish. In fact, to be selfish is to diminish this wonderful metta², this wonderful goodwill.

So, let's start with what is closest. Assuming a meditation posture, spend a little time adjusting yourself. Maybe rock forward and back, going slower and finding a midpoint to balance. Maybe stretch side-to-side. Engage in a little ritual of rolling or making a big circle, getting into your body and getting a bit more connected.

Find a way of being fully connected to your body without any strain or stress. Sit up a little straighter so there is a little more chi³, a little more energy of alertness and aliveness here in this body. Some find it helpful to let the back of the neck, where the spine goes into the skull, lean back to rest, perhaps as if on a pillow behind you. The head gets pulled back just a quarter-inch, and right there—in the space between the last vertebrae and the skull—tip the head slightly and lift it to create more space.

Gently close your eyes. If you are going to search the world for who is most dear, remember that the search is not through your thoughts or your eyes, but through a certain warmth and tenderness in your heart—a gentleness.

First, you want to attune yourself. You want to adjust yourself so that the wonderful capacity of the heart to feel and to sense is "turned on" and expanded. With your eyes gently closed, allow for the expansion and contraction—the lifting and pulling—of the chest and the belly. Feel the sensations of breathing in and breathing out close to the heart center.

Bring your attention to that place within where there is a predisposition to kindness and gentleness. Even if you don’t feel it right now, bring your attention to the place where you would feel it if you did. Breathe there. Breathe through it. Breathe with it.

Very softly—perhaps on the inhale, perhaps on the exhale—as soft as a whisper or like dropping a pebble in a pond, say a word that evokes metta, kindness, or friendliness. Say it gently, and as you say it, let it be received in the "kindness center"—the place of generosity, kindness, and your own goodness.

Take a few long, slow, deep breaths into this place and relax as you exhale.

Now, letting your breathing return to normal, recognize as you sit here that the person you are most close to, most physically intimate with, is yourself. To develop that universal capacity for kindness and friendliness for all beings, we start with ourselves—not even the idea of ourselves, but just the reality of this living being here, the one you are closest to.

This is a love and a kindness that doesn't need a reason. It is just a goodness of the heart, a warmth and gentleness that naturally touches you first because you are right here. It starts here because only then can it be extended in a balanced, open way in all directions for all people.

Very gently, with every cycle of breath, verbally or non-verbally remind your heart about kindness, goodwill, and metta. With every reminder, let go of your thoughts and settle further into that place of kindness. Radiating kindness.

One word that I associate with love and metta is the word "yes." A gentle, kind way of saying yes. Yes to love, to kindness. Yes. That brings a smile—maybe a smile to the lips, maybe a smile to the heart. A smile and a "yes" that quiets and reassures the anxious mind.

As we come to the end of the sitting, consider that one of the great powers of this life of ours is the power of kindness, the power of metta and goodwill. If we can be deeply settled and reassured in ourselves by filling ourselves with our own goodwill, generosity, care, and love, then there is a foundation from which to understand that others, too, are precious. They, too, have a capacity for generosity, kindness, and care.

The power of kindness is demonstrated when it awakens in others. We resonate with others and it spreads outward into the world—not as an act of aggression, but like the warmth of the spring that comes slowly and steadily.

May our capacity to be warmhearted and kind be like a radiance—a golden light, a glow that flows and fills ourselves. Every cell of our body becomes like an antenna that radiates outwards as we wish well to all beings.

May all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings be peaceful. May all beings be free.

Thank you.

Dharmette: Love (14) The Power of Kindness

Hello, and welcome to this series on love. I am currently introducing and connecting to one of the foundational social attitudes and emotions of Buddhism: metta. I often like to translate this as "goodwill," sometimes as "kindness," and sometimes simply as "love."

I think of it as a wonderful force that spreads out into the world and into others. I have seen the power and influence of this kindness to literally disarm people. I have had two friends who, while out in the world alone, were held up at gunpoint. Without any prior preparation, they looked upon the person who intended to do them harm with a certain kind of non-aggressive kindness. One of them said something like, "What would your mother think about this? Your mother would be ashamed of you."

Somehow, that diffused the whole situation, and the person was able to get away to safety. Now, I don't recommend this as a standard technique; it was likely situationally appropriate and something the person recognized in the moment. But the idea is that they met aggression with kindness.

I’ve seen people diffuse very violent situations by stepping forward with kindness, joy, and positive regard for those who were angry and aggressive. I’ve seen people present themselves in a way that was so gentle and kind that a challenge to a fight was simply dropped.

While this is not a universal recommendation, the power of kindness is often underestimated. We might ask: when is it the better option? I think it is usually the better option. It’s hard to find a better one. Meeting anger with aggression or hostility might accomplish a specific, immediate task, but it does not create lasting peace, safety, or benefit in this world.

Kindness might not be a "universal trick" that we always use, but I can confidently say that this world is a better place because of people's small acts of kindness throughout the day. It makes a huge difference as it builds up and spreads. It’s hard to find a time when anger, hostility, or hatred is a better option.

Finding a way to touch into and come from a place of kindness is a phenomenally useful thing to do. Spend time considering it and living with it. Don’t overlook it or diminish it, and don't think there are more important things to be done.

One of the ways you can see the power of this approach is if you start with yourself. We all have difficult states of mind and emotions—anger, ill will towards ourselves, guilt, shame, resentment, or deep sadness and grief. It is difficult to be a human being. But one of the great influences is to meet our own challenges with kindness and goodwill.

That can be surprising. If you find yourself with resentment and hate, bring care, bring loving attention, and bring a parental love to that. I’ve told this story before, but when my son was about two years old, we had playdates with a friend whose son was about the same age. That child developed a kind of antisocial behavior—hitting and biting other kids. The parents didn't know what to do and went to a therapist. The therapist recommended that whenever the child started this behavior, they should pick him up and smother him with love and care.

The parents were skeptical, thinking it was "positive reinforcement" for bad behavior. But the therapist insisted. They did it, and the violent behavior stopped right away and didn't start again. I don't know the exact psychology of what was happening in that child's life, but he got the message of love, care, respect, and being valued, and it changed his behavior very quickly.

For adults, it might take longer, but we can begin by trusting and offering the world our kindness. When we do this, people begin to feel safe around us. They feel that we are not going to harm them. When people can relax around us, that is the field in which warm and positive regard can operate. When there is fear, it is hard to do that.

We are malleable. We can do this for ourselves, and that is where we immediately see the power of kindness. If we are afraid, we can hold that fear kindly. The image I like for mindfulness is having two cupped hands that come from underneath the fear in our body to hold it safely. Let it be there and let it feel the warmth of our positive regard, rather than seeing fear as an enemy or a problem we have to be under the influence of. We want to shift: "Yes, I am here with you. I care for you."

If there is anger or hostility, we can be there to hold it and care for it. This does not mean condoning it or going along with it; it means allowing something deep inside to relax and soften because it feels the safety of kindness.

When we learn to do this for ourselves, our kindness for the world becomes stronger, fuller, and embodied. It’s not just an idea or a surface feeling; it is full because we have filled ourselves. We’ve learned how to hold ourselves in a wide, big way so that we can hold others in a wide, big way.

I want to read that poem again:

If you search throughout the world in all directions, you would not find anyone more dear than yourself. Since each person is most dear to themselves, those who love themselves should not bring harm to anyone.

It is a way of putting ourselves in other people's shoes. They are valuable and important to themselves. People cherish themselves and want to thrive. Because we can put ourselves in their shoes, we don't want to harm them. To harm them is to harm something very precious.

Furthermore, if we know what is valuable for ourselves—our own care and love—we wouldn't harm ourselves. And we harm ourselves by being aggressive and hostile towards others. It is a tremendous act of self-harm. I've talked to people for many years who have had to deal with the repercussions of things they thought were okay to do—things that harmed others. Soon enough, they learned it was not okay, and they lived with remorse, regret, guilt, and fear.

This topic of kindness and love is not meant to be sentimental, superficial, or something that makes us vulnerable and weak. It is the opposite. It is here to make us strong and safe in ourselves and the world. It makes us safe enough to meet the challenges and even the dangers of this world with the power of love.

In this week of Martin Luther King Jr. Day, let's remember the power of love that he and the freedom fighters carried through Mississippi and Alabama. They carried a message of love, much like the message of the monks who are currently walking toward Washington D.C.—eighteen or so Buddhist monks walking with metta and kindness.

May we all walk with kindness. Thank you.