This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video Guided Meditation: Nurturing the Senses; The Five Precepts (4 of 5) Refrain from Sensual Harm. It likely contains inaccuracies.

Guided Meditation: Nurturing the Senses; The Five Precepts (4 of 5) Refrain from Sensual Harm

The following talk was given by Maria Straatmann at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on September 13, 2025. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Guided Meditation: Nurturing the Senses (link)

And so we begin again this morning, this evening, this afternoon, whatever time of day it may be. We begin again to be here, to take a deep breath and let it out. To feel our body in this space. To know we are here, to take this time to just be here. To notice that time has no meaning right now. Just now. Breathing in and out. Feeling our body in this space.

Softly acknowledging all the pieces of our bodies, our toes, our feet, our legs, our hips, our bellies. Softening, softening the torso. Softening the shoulders, the elbows, the hands, the neck. Let it be loose. Let the head be soft. Drop the chin. Another deep breath. Let it out softly. And just breathe. Feel the air moving in and out. The process of being alive.

As we settle in, be aware of the body as we experience it through our senses. The feel of the weight of our bodies on the earth, of the air against our skin, of this sound coming in. If your eyes are closed, the amount of light that is there or not there, whatever taste there may be in your mouth, this is how we experience the world through these senses. As we sit this morning, be aware of yourself in the world through these senses. This is how we experience. Relax into the breath and just feel what we feel.

In the body. What do you feel? The movement of air, the light pressure of your fingers where they rest. The body is still. The body is restless. The body is here in this room. I experience being here through this body. Here. Here in this.

Just breathing. Just breathing. Bring your attention to the center of your body. Know that you are here in this room, in this body. If there's any tightness there, see if you can let it go. Just let it go. Be in this space. Let it feel what it feels. Whatever it is, just be aware of being here through whatever you feel, peacefulness, irritation. Where do you feel it in your body? How do you know? How does your body know?

Dharmette: The Five Precepts (4 of 5) Refrain from Sensual Harm (link)

So hello and welcome to day four of our discussion of the precepts. Today we're going to talk about refraining from sensual harm, from sexual misconduct. And I want to begin by quoting one of my favorite Buddhist scriptures from the opening of the Dhammapada.¹

"All experience is preceded by mind, led by mind, made by mind. Speak or act with a corrupted mind, and suffering follows like the wheels of the cart behind the hoofs of the ox. All experience is preceded by mind, led by mind, made by mind. Speak or act with a peaceful mind, and happiness follows like a never departing shadow."

I particularly like this part of the Dhammapada. In this case, mind is sort of heart-mind. It's the attitude with which you meet the world, and it is the core of the precepts really. It is the principle under which we create our actions, the way we are. It's the attitude that we begin with. It is the way that we meet or condition the actions of our lives. What's in our heart-mind to begin with? Because what is there determines what the action is going to be, what the spirit of the action is going to be.

When we talk about refraining from sexual misconduct, there are kind of obvious things that come up. But I think what I'm going to start with is the way that Thich Nhat Hanh² describes it because it pretty well covers it. So here's the quote from him:

"Aware of the suffering caused by sexual misconduct, I vow to cultivate responsibility and learn ways to protect the safety and integrity of individuals, couples, families, and society. To preserve the happiness of myself and others, I am determined to respect my commitments and the commitments of others. I will do everything in my power to protect children from sexual abuse and to prevent couples and families from being broken by sexual misconduct."

You know, sexual energy is a really powerful force. We've all experienced that in some form or another. It can give rise to very, very strong feelings one way or another, aversion or desire. And how we deal with those strong feelings, that attraction, that repulsion is something that is a very large part of our practice really. As any desire or repulsion, compulsion, that energy is something that we have to become aware of and conscious of and learn how to experience and be present for and not be controlled by.

The most obvious thing is we don't cheat on partners, right? It has to do with commitments. It doesn't mean that sexuality is bad. Our bodies are sense bodies. Sexuality is an important part of being human, just as pleasure itself is not bad. But addiction to that pleasure, the compulsion of that where we feel like we have no control over it, that's a problem. That's the place where we need to be very careful. Where we need to say, "How is my heart-mind about that? How does that feel really? Am I making excuses about that? Is that a compulsion that I can't do anything about?"

And the word that I keep using over and over again is compulsion, addiction, things that have to do with, "Oh, it's not my fault." Our actions are determined by our intentions and the way we condition ourselves and all of the conditions that we meet. And our responsibility is to realize our responsibilities. How do I do this in a way that is wise and compassionate? How do I manage my own sexuality? How do I support other people's sexuality in a way that is respectful and maintaining integrity and compassion? This is a practice and it is something that needs to be considered and not ignored. We can't pretend that it's not an important part of life. It's an important part of life.

What do we do with our fantasies? Do we indulge our fantasies? Do we say, "Ah, well, this isn't hurting anybody," and we find ourselves engaged in something that arouses this sexual energy? And what does that do to our heart-minds? How does it set us up? What is the middle way? How do we enjoy our sensuality, which is a pleasurable experience, without it being harmful to ourselves or others, without making excuses about it? To really come to understand what is that feeling in my heart about that. Do I feel any ill will? Am I using my sexuality to punish someone? Am I withholding my sexuality? Am I using it as a power item?

It's very often about relationships. Are we afraid of it? Why are we afraid of it? What do we fear? Can we see the rise and fall of sexual energy as a wave and not a tsunami? Can we look at sexuality and faithfulness to our partners and see it as a supporting component of our relationship with our partners?

Like all of our lives, it involves both wisdom and compassion. Wisdom and compassion. Knowing, seeing the right way and being compassionate to ourselves and others. It involves sexual harassment, sexual intimidation, understanding that different folks and cultures have different standards for what constitutes a sexual boundary. And the principle of honoring and protecting others who may not be able to protect themselves, particularly children.

You know, there's a lot of noise in the news about the Epstein files and there's a lot of noise about shame and scandal, whose names might be in the files. I would like to see all of that energy directed to stopping human trafficking, which is what it's actually about, right? Misplaced concern. There are people who have really been harmed and that needs to be protected. Those people need to be protected and it needs to be prevented. This is a very important precept to think about how we can support that and what we can do to make people feel safe, to help people be safe, and to honor the fact that we are sexual beings.

So, I have a couple of poems I want to end this with. I think I'll do the women's poem first and the men's poem second. So, here's the first one. This is by Ada Limón.

Wife

I’m not yet comfortable with the word. It’s short, clean whoosh that sounds like life. At dinner last night, my single girls said in admonition, “It’s not wife-approved,” about a friend’s upcoming trip. Their eyes rolled up and over and out of their pretty young heads. Wife? Why does it sound like a job? “I want a wife,” the famous feminist wrote. A wife who will keep my clothes cleaned, ironed, mended, replaced when need be. A word that could be made easily into maid. A wife that does, fixes, soothes, honors, obeys. Housewife, fishwife, bad wife, good wife. What’s the word for someone who stares long into the morning, unable to even fix tea some days, the kettle steaming over loud like a train whistle? She who cries in the mornings. She who tears a hole in the earth and cannot stop grieving. The one who wants to love you, but often isn’t good at even that. The one who doesn’t want to be diminished by how much she wants to be yours. The one who wants to not be diminished by how much she wants to be yours.

The subtle parts of sexual roles and diminishing positions can also be hurtful.

And then, this is a poem by David Budbill. He refers to Lao Tzu,³ who is kind of a mythical character deemed to be the father of Daoism.⁴

Who I love is Siddhartha Gautama, Jesus of Nazareth, and Confucius too. But mostly who I love is Lao Tzu, because out of him rises 2,000 years of sweet melancholy and desire for this life, this place, our flesh, the now, the suckling babe, a steaming bowl of rice, stir-fried vegetables, the lone goose as she flies across the river of the stars, mists on mountains, a poached fish, the cedar waxwing in the piny boughs, a lone fisherman in a boat on a pond, the jade shaft within the jade chamber lost to the joy of the thousand loving thrusts, the shouts and sighs, the sweet ecstatic moans of love. And also, yes, the gray beard leaning on his cane as he waits to die, and the last sad bloom of autumn, the chrysanthemum. Oh, I love Siddhartha Gautama, Jesus of Nazareth, and Confucius too. But mostly, mostly who I love is the ancient, earthbound, sensuous Lao Tzu.

We are sexual beings. We are beings who experience life through these bodies. And we have a responsibility that comes with this sensual life. May you enjoy being a sexual being and may you know the joy of being responsible with your sexuality.

Thank you very much.