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Finding the goal in the means - Gil Fronsdal

The following talk was given by Gil Fronsdal at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on October 13, 2024. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Finding the goal in the means

Good morning, everyone. Welcome to IMC and to our time together. I would like to begin with an ancient Buddhist analogy: picking up a quail—a small bird—and bringing it to safety. The idea is that you do not want to hold the quail too tightly, nor do you want to hold it too loosely. It should be held neither forcefully nor laxly; neither with stress and strain, nor with hesitation and complacency. It has to be just right, exactly between those two extremes.

In the same way, the Buddha says that when we make an effort in Buddhist practice, it should be like holding that quail. We should use neither too much effort nor too little—neither straining nor being lax or lackadaisical; neither stressful nor complacent. We are simply finding the "just right" way.

In this analogy, what you are doing is not the primary focus; rather, it is how you do it that is being highlighted. This is one of the central principles of Buddhist practice: more important than what you do is how you do it. The "how" then guides what you do, ensuring that your actions are ethical, appropriate, and healthy.

Finding the Goal in the Means

The "how" is so important that a fundamental principle in some Buddhist teachings is that the goal of the practice should be found in the means. The way you practice should contain the qualities and characteristics of the goal itself. For example, if the goal of the practice is to be peaceful, then you should find some sense of peace in how you do the practice. You do not arrive at peace by straining, struggling, or being in conflict; you find a way to be peaceful in the practice.

If you want to become a generous person, you practice generosity; there should be generosity in the very act you are performing. If your goal is to let go of clinging, then you should practice in a non-clinging way. While it is difficult not to cling, that should at least be our orientation as we practice.

The healthiest thing you can do for yourself in a spiritual life is to liberate the heart and mind from the causes of suffering¹—from all the ways in which you cling, resist, shut down, or push away. These are actually forms of self-harm. The very nature of clinging and intense resistance is suffering in and of itself. If we practice in an unhealthy way, we are simply reinforcing those unhealthy consequences. If we live with hate, we reinforce hate; if we live with love, we reinforce love. We must be very careful with how we orient ourselves.

Wholesomeness and Somatic Awareness

A vital principle in Buddhism is the idea of wholesomeness². The idea is to do things in a wholesome way, no matter what the task is. "Wholesome" means that the action feels nourishing and healthy for our psychophysical system. This reference point for health is somatic; you can feel it and know it for yourself in a very clear way.

I have an analogy for this, though I do not know if it works for everyone. Sometimes, after doing heavy work in the backyard—gardening, getting sweaty, hot, tired, and dirty—I will take a shower and feel so clean. My skin almost vibrates with the feeling of being clean, good, and settled.

I remember as a small child, I would take a bath in the evening and put on my pajamas. My mother had just washed the sheets, and they were still warm from the dryer. When I slipped into bed, it felt so somatically comforting, meaningful, and healthy. That is the kind of somatic feeling we are looking for: a sense that what you are doing feels good for the heart, the mind, and the body. That is what makes an action wholesome.

This also becomes a guide for our behavior, because some things we do will never feel that way. If you lie, it is not going to feel wholesome. If you are hating someone or something, and you really pay attention to the somatic experience, deep down it will not feel comforting or healthy. While hate might come with energy or a sense of righteousness that feels powerful in the moment, if you truly pay attention, it does not feel wholesome.

Bringing Practice into Daily Life

As we mature in the practice, we focus increasingly on how we are doing things. One of the benefits of this focus is that it becomes easier to bring the practice into our daily lives. At first, you might not see the connection. But if meditation makes you feel at home, calm, and peaceful, at some point you might ask: "Why should I only have that feeling while I am meditating?" The line between meditation and life is not that sharp. Why not have that healthy feeling everywhere I go?

For many meditators, this is a turning point. They find a reference point for how to live their ordinary lives without sacrificing their well-being. The task in daily life becomes finding a way to do things so that they are healthy, stress-free, and vitalizing.

When I reached this point in my own practice, I decided to live at a Buddhist meditation center. I wanted to take what was happening in meditation and discover how to live it in my daily life. I thought that by living in a community where everyone was doing the same practice, I would find myself more able to integrate it. However, because I was in a Buddhist center, we just meditated more! [Laughter]

That was not exactly what I came for, but it was a beneficial consequence. The meditation deepened, providing an even clearer reference point for daily life. Then I wanted to go even further, so I moved to a Buddhist monastery. Again, the result was that I meditated a lot more! But there was this wonderful circular movement between meditation and finding out how to apply those discoveries to my life.

Three Qualities of the Goal

The maturation of Buddhist practice involves finding this wholesome way of being throughout our entire life. We do this not because of a moral rule, but because not doing it hurts. When we do not live wholesomely, we diminish the quality of our own inner well-being. If you can feel that self-harm, why would you continue? Instead, you search for healthy alternatives: generosity instead of miserliness, love instead of hate, wisdom instead of foolishness, and patience instead of reactivity.

At some point, three specific qualities become the foundation for the practice itself. These are ways in which the goal is truly found in the means. As you practice, the qualities of awakening become the reference point for how you practice.

The first quality is non-dependence³. Most of us go through life depending on something; the mind is preoccupied with wanting to achieve or avoid certain conditions. However, it is possible to discover an awareness that is free from dependence on anything else. Of course, we live in dependence on the world for food, air, and society, but it is also possible to sit on a park bench and feel a sense of presence that is not relying on or attached to anything.

I traveled through different time zones yesterday, and my inner clock was a bit off. I woke up in the middle of the night, and at first, my mind was dependent on many ideas. It was dependent on the idea that being awake was "bad." I thought, "If I don't get enough sleep, I'll fall asleep during my talk tomorrow, and my reputation will be at stake." My whole operating system was working under the assumption that I needed to sleep.

I have done this enough times now to know that this is not a helpful position; it is almost self-defeating. I have learned to just lie there and be content with the moment. I take it as a time for practicing. I relax my body—softening the subtle tension in my forearms, chest, and face—and I tune into my breathing. I ask: "Can my mind operate without dependence on anything, without needing any particular values, purposes, or fears as its foundation?" Eventually, I found I was content. Nothing had to happen; nothing had to be different. I was just awake. The only problem was the idea that I should be sleeping.

The second quality is freedom⁴. We recognize that part of who we are—part of our awareness and our heart—already has the characteristic of non-clinging. Ultimate freedom in Buddhism is a radical, total letting go of every attachment. We build on that, letting that non-clinging spread into more and more areas of our life. It is one thing to have a sense of non-clinging while sitting; it is another to apply it to all the circumstances in which we live.

The third quality is peace⁵. A primary characteristic of liberation is a very deep state of peace. We use this as a reference point: "Is there peace as I do this?" Instead of immediately focusing on what is wrong and how to fix it, the orientation is: "How do I do this peacefully?"

I recently witnessed a situation where strangers were having a major conflict in a public place. It was uncomfortable to sit there, but it was not my place to get involved. I did not want to close my eyes and look like I was tuning them out, so I lowered my gaze and looked inside. Could I be peaceful here, as opposed to reactive or judgmental? Choosing peace was a much better alternative than the unhealthy reactions that were starting to form in my mind.

Mindfulness as a Byproduct

Non-dependence, freedom, and peace—these are the three qualities that become the basis of mature practice. The practice itself might be the same breath meditation you did as a beginner, but now it is informed and supported by these qualities. We are not just trying to become "better" at mindfulness of breathing; we are trying to become more free as we breathe.

Some practitioners find the breathing boring. They make the mistake of expecting the breath itself to be the magic solution. But the magic does not come from the breath; it comes from how we are with the breath. At some point, the "how" shifts, and the breath can be experienced as a tremendous pleasure and a beautiful thing. It is not that the breath is inherently wonderful; it is the "how" that changes the experience.

We are part of a "mindfulness movement," and we often think of mindfulness as a duty: "I have to be mindful; I should be mindful." If people ask what your practice is, you say, "I practice mindfulness." But it would be more useful if we asked each other, "How are you practicing?" If you say, "I'm practicing with a lot of aggression because I want to be the best enlightened person on my block," well, that is clear! [Laughter]

But if you say, "I am trying to find my peace with how I am in this world," then you are focusing on what is actually being developed. If you focus on how to be peaceful in the present moment, lo and behold, you have to be mindful. Mindfulness becomes a byproduct, not the thing you are "trying" to do. The "how" always puts you in the present moment.

Conclusion and Community

If you are looking for freedom from clinging, even a flat tire becomes a good time to experiment. When you have a reaction—clinging to being on time or clinging to how "wrong" the tire company was—you can ask, "How do I want to be with this?" Even if you are angry or afraid, can you hold that reaction peacefully? Can you hold your clinging with non-clinging? To do that, you have to be mindful. Mindfulness follows the motivation of how you want to be.

Please remember these few words to carry with you: "Have the goal in the means." Let the means express what the goal is, so that the two are not so far apart. If enlightenment seems like an impossible, distant idea, then the goal is not in your means. But if you say, "I can be a little less clinging right now," then you contain part of the goal right here.

We have about nine minutes left before tea time. You are all wholeheartedly welcome to stay, meet people in the community, and say hello. Even if it is your first time, you are already part of this community. If there was something in this talk that was meaningful, evocative, or even provocative for you, perhaps you can share that simple thing with someone else. Thank you.