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Happy Hour: Mister Rogers Neighborhood Metta Practice -- Making Ourselves Safe for Self and Others - Nikki Mirghafori

The following talk was given by Nikki Mirghafori at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on December 21, 2023. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Happy Hour: Mister Rogers Neighborhood Metta Practice -- Making Ourselves Safe for Self and Others

Hello and welcome everyone to Happy Hour. For today, I want to share a little teaching that I was inspired to learn from my dear beloved friend and teacher, Sylvia Boorstein¹. This teaching is about making your minds and hearts safe for yourself and others, the same way that it's as if it were Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.

Anyone not familiar with Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, raise your hand. I'm looking at my other iPad, I'm not seeing any... oh yeah, one person! Great. I'll tell you about Mr. Rogers. I actually became familiar with Mr. Rogers after I moved to the US when I was sixteen years old.

Mr. Rogers, or Fred Rogers, was a pastor who did children's programming. He was such a kind, beautiful being through and through. It wasn't just a performance; he was a beautiful, kind being. He taught mettā² and compassion to children of all ages. Actually, his programming was really progressive for his time in so many ways, and there are so many beautiful stories. If anyone does not know about him, I highly recommend you look up Mr. Rogers later and read a little bit about him.

One thing that he would always begin his show with was, "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood." And then he would say, "Won't you be my, won't you be my, won't you be my neighbor?" I think he would begin and end the show that way. In Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, there were a lot of sets, a lot of characters, and basically, he taught mettā, compassion, and wisdom by any name.

Sylvia uses this as a metaphor in her teaching to make our hearts and minds like Mister Rogers' Neighborhood: safe. Safe for everyone, for all these characters, for all these beings, for all these little puppets that show up in our minds and hearts. Can we make it a safe neighborhood both for ourselves and for others?

There's so much more to say about Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, but I think I'll just leave it at that. I think most of you are already familiar, much better than I am, with Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. I'll just leave it up to you to feel into your own associations and affiliations with what that means for you. If you're new to it, think of a loving bodhisattva³ teacher, a Buddha-like teacher who has made a safe neighborhood with lots of teachings on kindness and compassion, internally and externally.

So with that, let's sit together.

Guided Meditation

Let's sit together. Arriving. Arriving in our bodies. With awareness. With kindness.

How can we offer kindness to ourselves? Can we make this neighborhood that is our heart and mind safe for ourselves? Can we make it even a little safer than it already is? A little less self-judgment. A little less criticism. A little more friendliness with each breath.

And what if this body, this mind, this heart was feeling held in safety and care? Friendliness. As if held in the friendliness of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. For those who have an association with Mr. Rogers, and his kindness, and his compassion, and his guests, the various characters and puppets... we imagine characters in our mind as these puppets. We get to offer safety and kindness to them. We get to befriend all aspects of ourselves. Treat them with dignity, with kindness, with respect.

And know that in some ways they are made up; they are puppets. And yet, it's how we cultivate our goodwill and kindness. It's how we train ourselves in goodwill. Maybe you even softly hear as a mettā chant: "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood... a beautiful day in the neighborhood." Asking all aspects, these puppets, these aspects of yourself: "Won't you be my neighbor?"

We don't have to get rid of them. Squash them. We get to know them with friendliness. Kindness. You're here for a reason.

And now, what if we made ourselves safe for others? Made our hearts, our minds, and our bodies—our physical actions, words, and thoughts—safe for others. Expanding your goodwill to others. Offering Mister Rogers' Neighborhood to others. To everyone we interact with. "Won't you be, won't you be, won't you be my neighbor?"

Radiating the kindness of Mr. Rogers. Making ourselves safe through kindness and goodwill.

Then see what is needed. Whether more internal offering of safety is needed, more external, or maybe both internal and external. No separation. Offering ourselves and others safety and friendliness. All the characters, all the little made-up puppets internally, and all the characters externally. All this impermanent arising and passing away. Everyone worthy of friendliness and kindness.

As we turn to bring this meditation to a close, remember to be kind. Everyone we meet, whether or not we see, we know, we appreciate... everyone we meet is fighting a difficult battle with challenges. This life is challenging for every single one of us in different ways. So be kind. Be kind to yourself, be kind to others.

May all beings everywhere make themselves safe for themselves and for each other. May we all make ourselves safe for one another. May there be peace in the world.

Thank you all. Thank you so much for your practice. I was having a fun time with Mr. Rogers!

Reflections

So tonight, I would like to not offer small groups because I'm a bit under the weather, and I just wanted to offer an opportunity for just a couple of reflections that we can take either through your voice, or you can type them in chat. Either to me privately or to everyone—I'm changing the settings now. And maybe we'll end there so that I can be kind to myself and offer myself some time to rest.

Are there any reflections you'd like to share, or questions about this Mister Rogers' Neighborhood practice?

And if anyone, by the way, hasn't seen the movie that came out a few years ago... I forget what the name of it is, I'm sure somebody will type it in chat. It's a really great depiction of this amazing character, this amazing being. So any reflections? What was this practice like for you? If something opened up for you?

Claire: Thank you, Nikki. I wanted to say first of all that I'm sorry you're not feeling well. I hope it doesn't spoil the weekend for you. But I was immediately reminded—I had the wonderful opportunity of going to a very famous therapist who founded the school of cognitive therapy⁴. He was aging when I went to him, but he would sit in with groups, and people were talking about things that were bothering them. Every so often, somebody would sort of beat themselves up for not doing things better, and his response almost invariably was, "Yes, we're all fallible⁵ human beings." But he put himself in as a total equal to us. There was nothing special about him; he loved us just as much as we loved him, and it showed. He really cared about everybody in the group. So your description of Mr. Rogers... I'm a great admirer of Mr. Rogers, but the approach to life is very similar.

Nikki Mirghafori: Great, thank you. Thanks for bringing this in. I appreciate it. Yeah, beautiful. And we have reflections in chat. One of you sent privately to me: "Mr. Rogers and mettā makes a perfect pairing." Yeah, I agree, it does, doesn't it?

And thank you, Neil, as always, for finding resources. The name of the movie that came out in 2019 is A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, and Tom Hanks did a really amazing job depicting him. Also, Don says, "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, I guess you can find various YouTube renditions." Thanks for your good wishes, I read them.

Diana: I just really welcomed this. It was so refreshing. I liked the idea of humming along and singing, which I did during the meditation. I'm reminded of chants and things, but the engagement of that part of the system was all very warm and very sweet. I started to think about everyone in the neighborhood. It's very simple and not complicated, and it was lovely. So thank you.

Nikki Mirghafori: Beautiful. Thank you so much, Diana. That aspect of the chant, the resonance we can have with sounds. I also, in my head, was hearing "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood" like a little chant, and it just warmed my heart. It warmed my heart more and more.

One last thing I would say is, I also remember there's a scene in the movie that shows him swimming in the pool. He was a swimmer, Mr. Rogers, and he would pray for everyone. He would think of the names of everyone and just wish them well, wish them well, wish them well. It's just such a beautiful practice of mettā, to wish others well.

So with that, and thank you for all the goodwill wishes coming my way in the chat, I appreciate it. Let's close our evening together. May our practice be a cause and condition for our hearts to be a safe place for ourselves and for others. May there be goodness, kindness, and compassion in the world for everyone. May all beings be well. May all beings be free, including ourselves.

Thanks everyone. I'm going to stop the recording.