This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video Don't Delay - Nikki Mirghafori. It likely contains inaccuracies.

Don't Delay - Nikki Mirghafori

The following talk was given by Nikki Mirghafori at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on September 16, 2024. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Don't Delay

Thank you, Martha, and thank you, everyone. Hi, good morning. Familiar faces, new faces—well, you're all familiar. I mean, we're all cousins, distant cousins. Is the audio okay? Great, fantastic.

Before I begin the remarks this morning, I want to ask you to join me in appreciating something. It always strikes me when I come to IMC since COVID what a privilege it is to come together. I don't take it for granted. As I was walking up here this morning, I thought about how we are here as a community, being able to be together in physical form and practicing together. What a gift it is—the jewel of community.

The Triple Jewel¹—the third of the Triple Jewels is community. It is not to be taken for granted. So before I begin my remarks, I want to ask us to say hi to a few people around us. I'm going to link it to the theme of my Dharma talk: say hi to a few people around you as if it is the first and last time you'll ever say hi to them. It's so impermanent, right?

The invitation is: say your name, maybe where you came from or your pronouns if you wish, and give them a goodwill message. A little bit of Metta²: "May you be well," or "May you have a good day." Give each person a gift, and when they give you a gift, receive it wholeheartedly. "Oh, may I have a good day? How nice is that? This person is wishing me a good day." All right, let's enjoy each other's presence.

The Power of Connection

How lovely. What did that feel like? Throw out a few words. [Audience responses: Party, warm and fuzzy, exhilarating, energizing, alive, lovely, touching.]

There was such a brightness. One person came up to me—thank you, because I wasn't participating and nobody had come to say hi—and one person did. It was so sweet to receive their wish and to connect with another human being. It’s remarkable, this power of community and what is called "weak ties" in psychology.

Since the pandemic, many people have moved to working remotely and aren't as connected as before. Studies show that these "weak ties"—brief greetings to the people we don't know at the grocery store or neighbors—are vital for our well-being. Of course, strong ties with friends and family are important, but these small connections are crucial for us to thrive and fulfill our potential as human beings. Don't take weak ties for granted. Connect with others in the community, share your Metta, and don't wait.

Reflecting on Time

The title of my talk is "Don't Delay." I brought in that theme of speaking to people for the first and last time because we really don't know how much time we have. We assume we have a lot of time. It might seem like a morbid recollection to some, but it’s not morbid at all. It helps us align our lives with our true values and how we want to show up in the limited time we each have. Life is a brief flash of lightning.

There is a reflection that I loved when I was a beginning practitioner. I heard it in a Dharma talk and it stopped me in my tracks. I wrote it on a piece of paper and kept it on my bathroom mirror for decades. It's from a sutta³ where the Buddha said to reflect thus: "The days and nights are relentlessly passing. How well am I spending my time?"

I invite you to drop that reflection in for yourself: The days and nights are relentlessly passing. How well am I spending my time? Am I living according to my values? Am I delaying things I know I need to let go of or do—especially gratitude and forgiveness? We are all aging. Conditions are changing. How well am I spending my time?

Maybe in some ways, it could be better. Anyone getting sucked into social media? [Laughter] We pick up our phones to look up a word and then a notification appears and we're gone for thirty minutes. Or we go to email to send a document, get distracted by other messages, and forget the original task. This is us in the Information Age.

The Balance of Urgency and Peace

Life is impermanent⁴ and fragile. In the Maraṇasati Sutta⁵ (Aṅguttara Nikāya 6.19), the Buddha says that I will die and I am not exempt from dying. It is impossible for someone with a body not to die. One must reflect that life and death are uncertain. This brings a sense of spiritual urgency—saṃvega⁶. How am I spending my limited time?

The Buddha said one should act as if their head were on fire. One should live heedfully⁷ when the fires of birth, aging, and death burn. We must strike a balance between this urgency and a sense of peace, calm, and equanimity⁸. We don't want to get so overwhelmed by anxiety that it becomes unhelpful. You might wonder, "Wait, I'm doing this meditation to become calmer?" Yes, absolutely. We must reconcile the paradox of urgency with ease.

If you don't cultivate peace and stability of heart and mind, you won't have the wisdom to make wise decisions about what to do or what to let go of. Stability gives us access to our values. Peace and ease don't necessarily mean moving slowly. Sometimes you slow down physically to help the mind, but the heart can be at peace while actions are swift. There is a sense of stillness within.

The Path of Practice

We practiced many meditative techniques this morning: mindfulness of the breath, mindfulness of the body, mindfulness of sounds, Metta, and mindfulness of death. The Buddha taught many practices—forty different objects for shamatha⁹ or concentration (samādhi¹⁰). Mindfulness is a primary practice: Satipaṭṭhāna¹¹, the foundations of mindfulness.

He taught different practices for different people. It's important to stick to one for a while instead of "shopping" around, so you can cultivate that stability and peace. Why am I doing this? What is my goal? How do I want to have lived this short life?

Don't delay abandoning what is unwholesome and don't delay cultivating what is wholesome. The foundation of our practice is ethical conduct (sīla¹²). Abandoning actions that are not ethically sound leads to what is called the "bliss of blamelessness"¹³. It's a beautiful phrase. The Buddha teaches the Five Precepts¹⁴:

1. Not killing another living being.
2. Not taking what has not been offered—a higher bar than simply "not stealing."
3. Abstaining from sexual misconduct in ways that hurt ourselves or others.
4. Abstaining from harmful speech, including lying. Research shows how lying erodes trust in ourselves and our ethical compass. fMRI studies show that telling small lies eventually silences the brain's discomfort response, leading to a slippery slope where we mute our own conscience.
5. Abstaining from intoxicants. Clarity of mind is so important in this philosophy that we don't want to intoxicate it.

Make a decision: don't delay abandoning these transgressions. And don't delay expressions of love, gratitude, and forgiveness.

Cultivating Gratitude

The Buddha said that a grateful person is rare in this world. Are we grateful for our blessings, or do we focus on what is lacking? Humans have an evolutionary gift for focusing on the negative. Our ancestors who survived were the ones tuned into the woolly mammoth and the tiger, not the ones admiring the berries and the birds. We are hard-wired for negative stimuli. It's not our fault, but knowing this allows us to be aware of how to counter it.

When the mind becomes like velcro for what is wrong, balance it with gratitude. When I go through tough times, gratitude is my lifeline. I bring it back to the present moment: "Right here, right now, what am I grateful for?" It starts simple—clean air, the breath, the sensation in my feet. It becomes a wholesome snowball that brings the mind into balance. What is your lifeline? Is it Metta? Giving love to others or receiving it?

Reflections and Q&A

Paula: When you first started with "Don't Delay," I felt panic and anxiety until you mentioned equanimity. I have many changes in my life right now, and as deadlines approach, my "doer" mind spins, thinking I can always do more. I had to remind myself that doing isn't the ultimate goal.

Nikki Mirghafori: Thank you for bringing that in. Especially in the Silicon Valley zeitgeist, there is such a priority on doing and accomplishing. We must carve out time to be and cultivate stability. Without it, we run around like headless chickens. That state isn't productive or moral—we make decisions we regret later. Maybe we'd be better off doing less, but doing it more wholeheartedly from a balanced place. "Don't delay" also means "don't delay establishing a calm and equanimous place inside." Don't delay making space for deep reflection and stillness.

Audience Member: I was sitting here thinking about my elderly dog who has stopped going upstairs. He’s grouchy and barks, and it takes patience. But I realized he won't be here forever. Then I thought about my dad, who is about the same age in human years. He barks too, but I won't have him forever. My son in college calls and barks his requests, and I won't be here forever for him. Your point about compassion resonated—breathing in and letting that compassion fill the time I have with them.

Nikki Mirghafori: Beautiful. That sense of urgency brings in gratitude. One day you'll miss the privilege of them barking at you. It lights up the relationship in a different way. Thank you for sharing that.

Audience Member: This talk is a wonderful reminder. I find periods where I feel stagnant or resistant to change as a form of protection. Continuous change is difficult, but this is an opportunity to evolve, let go of what is in the way, and draw toward what is helpful.

Nikki Mirghafori: Change is the only constant. Our bodies, circumstances, and relationships change all the time. Don't delay. For each person, it’s different: don't delay letting go of what doesn't serve you, or don't delay cultivating a peaceful heart. Fill in the blank for yourself: "Don't delay..."

Martha: I was thinking about how I want to spend my last few years as I have the gift of old age. I read about elderly people in Japan who volunteered to clean up the Fukushima nuclear plant so the young wouldn't have to. I don't think I'm up for something that heroic, but I'm inspired.

Nikki Mirghafori: Gifts of service. Don't delay service, however it looks for you. The more we give, the more we receive. That story sounds heroic, but for them, it was likely a gift to give their lives for future generations. Don't underestimate your own humanity. It’s not a grim duty—it's joyful.

We have come to the end of our time. You have not delayed planting wholesome seeds by coming here this morning and practicing in community. May we not delay... [dot dot dot]. Thank you all for your practice. May you be well, may you be happy, may all beings everywhere be free—including ourselves.