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Happy Hour: Equipoise and Balance as Support in Everyday Interactions - Nikki Mirghafori

The following talk was given by Nikki Mirghafori at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on November 08, 2024. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Happy Hour: Equipoise and Balance as Support in Everyday Interactions

Hello everyone, and welcome to Happy Hour. It is lovely to see you and to be with you in this space. As you have noticed, I have been teaching this whole week because Liz has been away on retreat. I have had the opportunity and the joy to be with you almost every night.

For today, I would like to continue with the theme of this week. The theme has been equanimity, for obvious reasons, because it has been a very busy week with lots of news and tumultuousness. No matter which side you are on, it has been busy, full, and exciting—one way or the other.

Equanimity is the practice for times like this. It is establishing ourselves in groundedness, in uprightness, and in calm. It is neither being pushed away nor being dragged into things. It is a sense of equipoise. That is another alternative translation of Upekkha¹—often translated as equanimity, equipoise, calm, or balance. Balance is another very helpful translation.

I would like to continue this week with equanimity practice. Of course, we can do these practices in so many different ways. In the past few nights, we entered it in different ways, and tonight we will find our way in a different way of entering, holding, and cultivating equipoise.

That is enough of a setting and a framework for what we will do. Let's begin.

Guided Meditation

Let's land. Let's arrive in our seats. Whether you are standing, sitting, or lying down—whatever posture you might have in this moment—invite yourself to connect and really become aware of this body. Really become aware of how it is folded or unfolded.

Invite your body to relax and soften. Invite your heart to relax as much as possible, receiving the sensations of breathing—in-breath and out-breath—in the abdomen or anywhere else that the breath is very clear.

For whatever is arising in the heart, the body, and the mind, make space. Kindly, gently, lovingly—not pushing it away. "It's like this right now." Can I be okay with however things are in this moment, in this body, this mind, and heart? Just that acceptance of what is present can create a little more space, more balance. See for yourself.

Let each in-breath and out-breath bring more nourishment to the heart, more stability. "Here, sweetheart, here. It's okay. Just be here with whatever is present. It's okay."

With Mettā² encouragement, stability, and trust: "We can be with this. I can be with this." Gently. Kindly. With space.

Equipoise doesn't mean not caring or being leveled. It has warmth, care, stability. Care that is so stable and spacious, it doesn't get toppled. Make sure there is plenty of care and patience to support what is arising.

If the mind has wandered into other thoughts, or contact with the body and breath has weakened, reconnect with the body sitting stably with feet firmly on the earth. Spine upright. Strong back, soft belly. Each moment of presence and equanimity, right here, right now.

Equipoise strengthens our ability to be more stably, caringly present for future moments. This is the supreme training, right here, right now. If the mind was lost or had wandered, it is okay. No problem. Begin again. This is a fresh moment. Begin again with a smile: "How wonderful, I get to train myself thus. I get to practice for the sake of myself and everyone else." In-breath, out-breath.

If it helps to bring some phrases of equanimity, you can drop in: "Things are as they are right now. May I accept. May I have stability, presence, care with things as they are right now." Or simply: "It is what it is."

I would like to invite you to tune in, as if you were tuning an old radio. Finding how equipoise—even if there is only a little bit of it present—balance, uprightness, and care is a source of strength. A source of strength in the heart and strength in the body. Maybe you find yourself sitting more upright, feeling more balanced in your mind, more stable, more grounded. Just a tiny bit more—see if you can tune into it.

Feeling our strong back, strong posture, soft front, soft belly. Gently grounded. Present. Holding whatever this moment is, its rising and passing.

As we turn to bring this sit together to a close, appreciating that we do this practice in community, bringing the recollection of the goodness of others, our fellow practitioners who are practicing with us. Bringing it to our heart, allowing it to bring some joy, gladness, and support. How they support us and we support them. We support each other. As Ram Dass³ said, "We're just walking each other home."

May our practice be a support to all beings everywhere. May it be a cause and condition for peace, happiness, well-being, and freedom for ourselves and everyone. May all beings be well. May all beings be happy.

Thanks, everyone. Thanks for the practice. Thanks for sitting together. I don't know about you, but I feel better—more stable, grounded, peaceful.

Interactive Practice

Those of you on Zoom, we have the opportunity to take our less frantic, more settled, "at home" sense of flow—all the words that have come up in the chat—and inhabit them in interaction. We are raising the bar a little bit. It might be easier when your eyes are closed, just practicing on your own, to feel these beautiful qualities. Now, keep tuning into them in community.

You may not say so much. You may just offer a few words and listen more, but see if you can keep tuning into these qualities in community. This is a really great sandbox to see how we can keep our groundedness, our peace, our clarity, our calm when we are in community.

You are invited to practice Mettā, mindfully listening and speaking with others, staying in your body. Embracing compassion and kindness for whatever arises in the body. The topic is: How can you stay tuned with the quality that you had tuned into in community? What supports you?

This is really a live, interactive exploration. As I am teaching, I want to stay tuned with settledness, with calm. I feel my feet on the earth. I take a deep breath. This way I can still talk and share with you and still have a sense of calm. This is important so that in interactions I can keep this.

Reflections

Welcome back everyone. I see smiles, which is always sweet. I would love to hear from you. What is alive for you? How was this practice for you? Especially, I am curious: what did you find when you tried to tune into equipoise while interacting with others? What did you find was helpful in real time to keep your stability and balance?

Isabelle: It was really nice to not pressure myself to have to talk, or say as many words as I usually do. That was really nice. I often feel that way and I am not in tune with it, so it was really nice to have it be okay tonight to do that.

Nikki: Thanks for sharing this. It's always okay. It's always okay not to say much, just say a few words. I appreciate you being in tune with that and naming that tonight, that it was supportive for you.

Jerry: It seemed that anxiety begets anxiety, anger begets anger. So the calmness of people's voices within the small group certainly added to my sense of keeping myself anchored.

Nikki: Nice. The calm voice of your fellow practitioners helped you be more calm. That is lovely. Such a great support. And yes, absolutely, anxiety begets more anxiety and fear begets more fear. It is the law of Karma⁴. This moment reconditions the next moment; it increases the probability of the next moment being of the same ilk. If we are angry in this moment, the probability of us being angry in the next moment increases. Call it karma, call it neuroscience.

Susan: I have been very emotional for the last week, even before the election. My word was "balance," and when I was in the breakout room I just kept breathing really deeply, and that really helped me do that. At one point, something that someone said didn't trigger me, but I got some emotion around it. I was able to like close my eyes and just be in that moment and have it be okay.

Nikki: Great, thank you Susan. We can keep our equanimity and equipoise, our balance and our calm, in the midst of what could be agitating or triggering. The world for all of us would be a much more wonderful place regarding both how we are for ourselves and how we interact with others if we don't fly off the handle. Deep breathing really brought this sense of presence in what was happening to your body, to realize, "Okay dear, I need to close my eyes, just be with this. It's okay, I can be with this."

Bill says in the chat: "What helped me was awareness of the chair I'm sitting on. Like part of being embodied."

Nikki: Great. Embodiment is exactly feeling what your body is feeling internally as well as the touch points. Feeling the chair is great.

Marian says: "What helped me was saying 'I will be settled no matter what' to myself. Made it an intention."

Nikki: Yes, the power of intention. Love it. Thank you Marian. Powerful practice tonight. I really loved how you shared that you really took on this practice instruction to practice with it in real time. Goodness, if we can take this to our interactions in daily life! Somebody says something and we just get reactive and we don't even notice and fly off the handle. Instead, we can stay. We might respond, of course, but we might respond from a place of balance and care rather than reactivity.

So, dear ones, let's close. Thank you all. Thank you for your presence, for your practice. For the sake of yourselves and all beings everywhere, may all beings be happy. May all beings be free, including ourselves.