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Happy Hour: Embodied Gratitude - Nikki Mirghafori

The following talk was given by Nikki Mirghafori at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on November 25, 2023. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Happy Hour: Embodied Gratitude

Introduction

Hello to you in San Diego. Hello, Hugh and Peggy in Redwood City. Hi, Peggy in Montreal. I heard both Jerry and Gabriel—yes, right, both Canadians speaking at the same time. Truly united, whether in Montreal or Toronto. That's sweet.

Let's see, now we're on YouTube, and Karina says hi from Menlo Park, and Marianne from Burlingame. Carrie says hello on YouTube. Hi, great! Anybody else before we begin? It's Richard from Boston. Hi, Richard, welcome.

All right, let's begin. I ask you to mute yourself if you aren't muted already. Thank you, Neil, for posting information about the Happy Hour Google Groups. If you're new, you can join the low-traffic group that we have, where information and references are shared. We also have a little guide for supporting each other and yourself during the breakout rooms. With that, I'm going to change the settings so that unmuting won't be possible, ensuring the space stays quiet, and I'll change the chat settings. Last but not least of the preparatory things I do is to turn on the recording for the sake of Audio Dharma. Here we go.

Hello and welcome everyone to Happy Hour. For today's practice, given that it is, in the US at least, one day after the Thanksgiving holiday—which was yesterday here—and on Wednesday we did a gratitude practice. I have a memory of the reports that came back, some reports indicating that many felt better turning their minds and hearts to gratitude after the practice we did. So, let's do some more of that. Let's do more gratitude practice, and again, hold it lightly. There are no "shoulds." If the voice comes that you should be grateful for this, just drop it. Let it be a gentle leaning into a sense of appreciation for what arises, or not. Maybe you just sit in a sense of silence and appreciation for the breath.

Guided Meditation

So, let's begin our practice together. Let us arrive together. Arriving in this body, in this moment, however it's showing up. Whatever is showing up, letting our body relax into the posture. Letting our body relax into the support of the chair or the cushion.

Let us connect with the sensations of the breath—the body, the breath being breathed within the body. Calming, soothing, stabilizing. Connecting with this breath, this in-breath, this out-breath. Not the last one, not the next one. Taking a few minutes on our own to just settle, arrive, and take refuge inside the silence, as much as it's available. Taking refuge in simplicity. Just being here, sitting, and being breathed. Just this in-breath, just this out-breath.

Let the breath feel like a lullaby, calming and soothing the heart. "It's okay, sweetheart, it's okay. Whatever is happening, it's okay. It's like this right now." Nothing has to be different in this moment. Embracing the body, the heart, the mind, just as they are, with each breath.

And as if you were to take a little dropper that had a drop of color—you drop that drop of color in the glass, and the color dissipates, coloring the clear water a bit. Drop in a reflection of something that brought you joy today. Something that was maybe a moment of connection with yourself or with someone else. Something that you enjoy, that brought a moment of warmth, appreciation, and ever so slightly lit up your day. It doesn't have to be big. Look for the small—what we consider to be insignificant, but tune into it. Maybe somebody's kindness, maybe a smile. Bring this drop of color into the body. Drop it in the body. Not so much in your head, not thinking about it, but feeling the feelings in your belly, in your limbs, with your breath.

Letting this go. Letting the awareness come back to the silence, to the breath, the body, the simplicity of it all. Appreciating the simplicity of just being breathed here in the gathering community.

And now, if you feel like bringing in another drop of something else today that you have appreciation for, that brought some delight. This appreciation that has happened today in your life, or was available either today or yesterday. It's okay. Relaxing your body, not so much thinking about it, but relaxing the body, letting the heart open up to its own appreciation. There are no "shoulds" here. And if nothing comes up, it's okay. Can there be an appreciation of just sitting here in silence, in community, and practicing together?

Turning towards the good in our lives, intentionally. Letting there be an invitation for gentle appreciation for whatever might have showed up in your day today, or yesterday. Gladden your heart. Maybe a smile shows up on your face, a little bit of brightness in the heart space.

Letting yourself truly savor whatever might be coming up. And if not, it's okay too. If nothing arises, savoring the silence or savoring any gifts, any goodness. Turning to them intentionally. Things we often take for granted.

As we turn slowly, bring this sit to a close together. We open up to appreciation for what's here right now. Perhaps a comfortable chair or a cushion, the food that has nourished you and maybe has been prepared with care. The roof over your head, safe from the elements. Connections you have in your life with other beings, with other humans, animals. Connection you have with yourself, capacities you have—so many of them.

And appreciating yourself for having showed up to the practice, trusting you've planted seeds of goodness. May your practice together be a cause and condition for goodness in our own lives, for our own happiness and well-being, as well as all beings everywhere. May all beings be happy. May all beings be free. Thanks everyone. Thanks for your practice.

Community Practice

So, a little gratitude practice—a little different from the one we did on Wednesday, slightly different tone and flavor, but also similar. I'd like to invite us now, the way we engaged in the small groups on Wednesday together, to go around, and each person would share one thing that has brought them joy or that they're grateful for. That's such an uplifting practice, we can't have enough of that. I think, if I remember, Neil afterwards said we should do this every single time, so we're doing it a second time.

It's such an uplifting practice just to share, to really reflect in the presence of others what has brought us joy, what has brought us gladness, and what we're grateful for. And also to bear witness to what brings joy to others. It uplifts the heart. It brings so much joy.

So let's go in reverse alphabetical order. I'll create groups of three. Again, you're welcome to say pass, you are definitely welcome to say pass. Please know that this is a mudita¹ practice, a vicarious joy practice, as well as a gratitude practice. It uplifts the heart, especially if you have had a challenging time. This definitely uplifts the heart. I will create the breakout rooms here, and invite you to take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and be kind. Here we go.

Reflections

Okay, hello everyone, welcome back. The rooms are closed, and we have a few minutes for any reflections you might have. You can put them in the chat if you wish, or you can raise your hand to share your reflections.

Hello Ali, I see your hand.

Ali: Hello Nikki, glad to see you and everybody else. Actually, a lot of nature came in when we were grateful about joys that we had in this group. And then, at the end, it naturally arose for me with a couple of other guys that I was in the group with, that I wish them that we may all be on the lighter side of life. It just naturally came to me. I think it's partly the happy hour, and thanks to you and all the sangha², it just naturally came out. I never said that sentence before: "I wish the folks to be on the lighter side of life."

Nikki Mirghafori: Beautiful. Thanks so much, Ali, that's so beautiful. This natural wish that I'm hearing you say, this natural wish that just naturally arose from you having practiced and inclined your heart towards goodness. This natural wish for the well-being and happiness of others, everyone. Just such a beautiful way to go through life, wishing others well. What a gift! Thank you, Ali, thank you so much. That's just so beautiful, thanks for sharing that. Ah, that lifts my heart.

Abraham, please.

Abraham: Hi Nikki, hi folks. I just liked the reminder during the meditation—I remarked upon it in the group—of, you know, it doesn't have to be this huge, incredible, wonderful thing. Just to be tuned into the nice little things that happen during the day that make the day special, make it good, was so nice, because there are so many of them if you really are listening. So that's it.

Nikki Mirghafori: Beautiful. Thank you for highlighting that, Abraham. Exactly, there are so many, and if we tune into them, there's more good than challenge. Of course, our minds tune into the challenge and take the good for granted; that's just the way we operate as human beings. It's all of us. So it's nice to turn towards the good, this whispering of goodness that's throughout.

Yeah, Jim, I see your hand. I'm going to ask you to unmute, and if it's possible to turn on your camera so we can see you. You won't be on YouTube, but it would be nice to see you as you reflect.

Jim: Yeah, so I'm an old Vietnam vet, and I really loved the meditation. I really didn't share on gratitude; I shared on my experience of the relationship between attachment and safety, because it's something I work with in embodied healing for myself, for my PTSD. What I came to understand was the role attachment played. I also was lucky enough to find a medical doctor who flunked out of school in her last year, healed herself with embodied healing rather than the medical mind model, and explained to us how important it was to feel safety. I think we're safe because my door is locked or I have food in the fridge, and I've been working on that process. I reflected, when you started going down that road, that not enough Dharma teachers talk about this aspect of it, because it really is a bridge between Dharma and embodied healing. Yeah, I wanted to share that. Thank you.

Nikki Mirghafori: Yeah, thank you so much for sharing. So important, so significant, somatically feeling safe. Really letting the practice be somatic, not just in our heads or thinking, but really embodied, somatic. And I'm so happy to hear that you have found ways to really connect with that in your own practice, because that is paramount for every single person.

In fact, you know, the Buddha put that first, put mindfulness of the body first in the Four Satipaṭṭhānas³, the four foundations of mindfulness. The body is first; it's always first. It has to be embodied. Many Dharma teachers do try to bring it in, I hope and trust, and I think nowadays even more so with our understanding of how trauma lives in the body, and how really the embodied sense of safety is important. It cannot be emphasized enough, Jim. I know that when I really got it in my practice years and years ago, my practice just shifted and deepened in so many ways. So thank you for bringing it in. So important. Thank you.

So, dear ones, we have come to the end of Happy Hour today, and one of you wrote to me: "Happy Hour, Gratitude Hour." Yes, Happy Hour, Gratitude Hour today, and it's been sweet to practice with you. I feel happier and more uplifted for having practiced together. I'm smiling more, so that's always good. So thank you all for your practice, for bringing yourself wholeheartedly to this cultivation for the sake of both ourselves and all beings everywhere. May all beings be well. May all beings be free.

Thanks everyone. I'll stop the recording.