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Guided Meditation: Don't Give Yourself Away: Eightfold Path (4 of 10) Holistic Speech

The following talk was given by Gil Fronsdal at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on October 16, 2025. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Hello and welcome. Welcome to this meditation. For those of us in California, the morning meditation. The short and very significant teaching that I want to offer you here is something that I think encapsulates something very significant about what Buddhism offers and what it points to, and that is: never give up on yourself. Never give yourself away to ill will and hatred and greed. Don't give yourself away to anxiety or fear. Never give up on your wholeness. Never give up that there is a way of being free. There is a way of letting our good heart, our wholesome heart be a refuge and a support for ourselves. Never give up on oneself.

It's almost as if there are two different worlds we can live in, and it's a choice that we can make, even if it's just a small step. There's a world that we live in when we have, in some ways, given up on ourselves or given ourselves away to attachments, to fears, to ways of being which are not so healthy for us. And there's a whole different world we live in, and a world that we see, when we don't divide the world. We don't give parts of ourselves away. We don't narrow our focus on conceit or fear, but rather a world where we see it all. We're not giving ourselves away and getting caught only in what is difficult, but what is great about us and wonderful, wholesome, and not what is unwholesome or unhealthy.

The world of waking up is a world where we see the whole, all of it. And we stand in the middle, present and aware, not giving ourselves away to any of it. Seeing it all, the whole. And from there, having what's the best in us respond to this world of ours. It's like having two different worlds.

And so we sit to meditate, to step into the awakened world, even if it's very small little steps of showing up, of being mindful, of recognizing what's happening in the moment. But to recognize it with a calm recognition, to sense and be present for our experience, but to find that place where we can be present calmly. Calmly meaning not swept away, not reactive to what's happening.

So this world where we wake up to all of who we are and all of what the world is, not sugarcoating it, not with blinders on, but a whole that allows the best of ourselves to inform how we go forward.

So to begin, think about your meditation posture—sitting down, laying down, standing if you're doing standing meditation—to think of it as the center of the world, certainly the center of your world. And you're going to take your full place, your rightful place here at the center of it all. To be aware, to be awake. And so the posture of meditation is an enactment of sitting in the middle of this awakened, whole world.

Gently closing your eyes and taking some long, relaxing, deep breaths. Enjoyable breaths, just deep enough to still be enjoyable. And on the exhale, settling, grounding yourself here in this body, in this place, in this center of your world.

Letting your breathing return to normal. Continue as you exhale to soften and relax in the body. Relax and soften in a way that's settling and grounding. Each exhale a reminder that you're taking your place at the center of the world. Maybe with the breathing itself being the center of the center, or the place your inhale begins and exhale ends deep in your torso. The center of the center of the center is here. Take your place.

Not giving up on yourself, not assuming that there's anything inherently wrong or inadequate about you. You don't have to then replace it with the idea that there's something right about you. Both those ideas are not needed when you stand in the middle of it all, awake.

And as you exhale, relax the thinking mind, soften. Settle into the body breathing, where the birth and the passing of the world happens with each inhale and exhale. Each inhale, you're born into this world, to the center of this world, awake and aware of the present moment without needing to divide it or judge it, or give yourself away to hostility or judgment or criticism, to greed or desire and wanting. Each inhale, the world is born with you awake. Each exhale, letting everything go.

Not giving yourself away to your thinking. Rather, place yourself here in your direct experience of now. To wake up, to be aware of it all without losing your calm, your center in the midst of this world.

With each exhale, letting go of any way that you have given up on yourself or given yourself away. And in every inhale, show up anew, as if you're stepping into a new world with all your senses, ready to take in the whole.

As we come to the end of the sitting, consider that the more fully we're present for all of who we are—the wholesome, the unwholesome, the healthy, the unhealthy—but we're present for all of it calmly, harmoniously, not giving ourselves away to any of it, there's more of us available to say hello to someone, to ask them how they are, to smile, to offer some good words, to do a small service.

The ways in which we care for others in the world carries more value if we bring all of ourselves to it. I learned in Buddhism sometimes to hand a gift to someone, even as small as a cup of tea, with two hands. Not with one hand while looking elsewhere, but to really bring all of ourselves here with two hands.

So may it be that our ability to sit in the middle of the world, awake to all of it, means that our way to care for the world is more complete, more whole, with more offered in the fullness of our being. May it be that this practice that we do supports us in how we can care for our world.

May all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings be peaceful. May all beings be free.

Thank you.

Hello and welcome to this series of talks on the Eightfold Path. Sometimes it's called the Noble Eightfold Path; sometimes I translate it for myself as the Dignified Eightfold Path, that we sit with a certain kind of dignity, as if we're worthwhile or worthy. This dignity of the Dharma, of the Eightfold Path, a lot of it comes from our capacity to be aware of ourselves and the world with a wholeness, a holism, holistically, everything included. That's a means by which we start living the goal of the practice. The goal is to be free in the middle of everything.

We learn how to be free in the middle of ourselves and our challenges, our attachments, our reactivity, by standing tall metaphorically and saying, "Yes." Not "yes" that we agree with things, but "yes, this is the whole works. This is what I'm waking up to." The value of this waking up to the whole is we can see clearly then what is healthy and unhealthy in how we operate, and what goes on in the mind and the heart. We can see it clearly without being judgmental or diminishing ourselves or undermining ourselves or feeling bad about ourselves. We do this without giving ourselves away to any one thing, without selecting part of the whole in which to get lost or be narrowed by or caught in.

In doing that, we see that there is suffering and there's the absence of suffering, the freedom from it, side by side. We see that there are ways in which we do get caught, that we do give ourselves away, but we see it side by side with how we don't do it. There's space, there's stillness, there's openness, there's non-reactivity next to the reactivity. Maybe the non-reactivity, the spaciousness, is actually bigger than any way in which we're preoccupied or caught by anything at all.

That's what the first part of the Eightfold Path is: Right View, to have a holistic view of it all. In doing that, we understand that being caught, to cling, to be reactive, narrows the scope. That's a way we lose ourselves; we give ourselves away. We regain ourselves by having an awareness that can include it all. This awareness that can include it all, I think of as what is most sacred in Buddhism. There's nothing that's considered undesirable or unwanted for the purposes of being aware. What's most phenomenal is this open, spacious, expansive awareness that has a capacity to recognize and see everything without being caught by it.

That means we no longer get caught by greed, hatred, and delusion. We don't get caught by ill will and hostility and sensual desires. We're more oriented—the second fold of the Eightfold Path—to a holistic orientation. To be oriented towards freedom from sensual desire, freedom from ill will, freedom from hostility, towards kindness, goodwill, and compassion.

With that orientation, it begins to guide us in how we live our lives and how we live our social lives. The whole world that we sit in the middle of is, in a big part, a social world. One way or the other, we live in dependence, in relationship to all the many people that sustain us, support us, and connect with us. There's immediate family perhaps, or friends, but there's a whole field of people who provide us with food and bring the food to the stores so we can eat. I feel very grateful for the people who are stocking the shelves in the supermarket for me, who are there helping me check out. They're an important link for me to be able to feed my family, and I'm grateful for that link. I'm grateful for what they make possible.

We live in this social world. So when we have this orientation towards non-harm, towards non-hostility, non-ill will, that shapes how we speak. The third fold of the Eightfold Path, the third fold that we're unfolding to open up to the wholeness that's tucked away in all these folds, is holistic speech. To speak from that sense of whole, that inclusivity, that gives us its orientation to a whole, healthy possibility of being in the world. A way that keeps us whole.

If we tell lies, it's very hard to tell a lie without clinging or resisting or shutting down or disrespecting or shutting out the hearts of others. This holistic mode, its orientation is not to limit itself. We don't limit and hurt ourselves, so we don't lie. There's no malicious speech. We don't speak in ways that harm other people, that create divisiveness and hurt people. Because if we do that, we're clinging to something. We're actually limiting ourselves; we're giving ourselves away. Even though it seems like we're really being ourselves, really powerful, and our anger really exists—"That's who I am, now I really know that I'm here"—it can feel that way. That's one of the reasons why people give themselves over to hostility and to judgment and criticism, because it feels like they're being empowered or they're really existing. They are someone now. But in fact, from the holistic point of view, we've lost ourselves. We've given up on ourselves.

The holistic view lends itself to avoiding malicious speech, harmful speech, and also to avoiding harsh speech. Harsh speech has a kind of sting in it; it's painful to hear. It might not exactly be a formal hostility or malicious speech, but just a tone of voice is so sarcastic or so intense or so hot and fiery and pointed. The Buddha talks about people having knives in their tongues. Maybe in the modern world, we say bullets in our tongues, that the words are the arrows, the words are the bullets that come off our tongue. So then, to not speak harshly but to speak kindly, in a way that is pleasant and supportive and relaxing to hear for other people.

The fourth aspect of holistic speech is to not talk frivolously. Don't talk mindlessly in a way that loses touch with others, loses the human connectivity, the wholeness that's there. You can certainly have idle chatter. Sometimes this one's called "no idle chatter," but there can be idle chatter that actually makes us feel very connected. It's a way of finding our way and being connected in a simple, lighthearted way that can feel very good. But nothing frivolous, nothing mindless where we lose that connection both to ourselves and to others.

So in this holistic speaking, you're seeing that how we speak, this third factor of the Noble Eightfold Path, is clearly informed by the holistic view and the holistic orientation. This points to how important it is to practice. The Eightfold Path primarily arose in the Buddha's mind not because he knew how to do it before he was enlightened, but it arose in the Buddha's mind after he was awake that he understood that this view, this orientation, leads to how we live in this world actively, fully, not disconnected from the world, not disconnected from ourselves, but to live in the world free and fully here.

There's no need to diminish ourselves or belittle ourselves or apologize for ourselves, as there's no need to assert ourselves or have conceit or to champion ourselves in some kind of selfish way. The middle way between self-denial and self-assertion is to be fully present with all of who we are. And in doing that, we speak words which are true. We speak words which are supportive and healing and beneficial, uniting people. We speak words that are soothing and settling and relaxing and trustworthy in tone. And when we speak words that are said mindfully or clearly, those words are a signal, very clear, broadband, fully there. They convey so much more than what the words mean. They convey this wholeness, this completeness. As if, "I'm whole and you can be whole. I'm fully here."

If we diminish ourselves in any kind of way, then the words don't carry as much strength. If we speak with a lot of self-assertion, we also kind of diminish the other people and they don't hear. But to be fully present in our fullness, our wholeness, and then speak with others and have our speech be truthful, healing and unifying, kind, gentle, and meaningful. This is the way that the Eightfold Path arises from deep within. It's not something we have to assume or believe we're supposed to do. We have the evidence for how important this is because we've become awake to the wholeness of who we are. And we know for ourselves how good it is, how natural it is to speak holistically.

Holistic speaking, the third unfolding of the Eightfold Path. And then tomorrow, it's holistic action, which is one more way to keep unfolding the way we've been folded up, so we become freer and freer in how we live our life in this world.

Thank you very much. May you pay attention to your speech today. May your speech come out of your whole. Thank you.