This is an AI-generated transcript from auto-generated subtitles for the video Guided Meditation: Look Again Freely; Love (17) With Respect. It likely contains inaccuracies, especially with speaker attribution if there are multiple speakers.

Guided Meditation: Look Again Freely; Dharmette: Love (17) With Respect - Gil Fronsdal

The following talk was given by Gil Fronsdal at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on February 03, 2026. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Guided Meditation: Look Again Freely

Hello and welcome. As we begin our meditation, I'd like to introduce the theme. It's along the lines of the series on love—love as part of Buddhism, part of meditation, part of a wise life. This week I'm talking about the different elements of it, and the element I'm going to talk about today is that the kind of love, the spiritual love of goodwill and friendship, is one that hopefully all love is: one that has respect in it.

I like very much this use of the English word "respect" for Vipassanā¹ practice. Vipassanā is the Pali word that means to see clearly. And "respect" comes from the Latin root to look again, to give a second look at something. Don't just settle on the first impressions. Don't settle on the first interpretation or reaction to something. To respect something is to look at it again.

But how do we look again so that it's fresh, with fresh eyes, open eyes? We're not carrying with us our predispositions and prejudices and things. What I'd like to do today is not emphasize respect as the step of looking again. Something happens in your experience, and you give it a second look. You take a deeper look at it. You bring it into focus. But rather than that second look, what I want to emphasize is the transition between the first knowing of something, the first experiencing or seeing of something, and the transition from that to giving the second look.

In between those two, there's a place of choice. In between those two, there's a place of transition, of a little pause, a little understanding that now we're going to do something different, we're going to look again. And rather than let that be a fleeting moment that you hardly notice, where maybe what you identify and what you think is important is you as the seer, you as the knower, maybe right there in that transition there's a different kind of identity, a different basis to appreciate. The one who has the choice, the place of choice, the place of changing, the place of choosing to see—there there's freedom. There there is a whole different way of being that is independent of what's being seen and our response or reaction to what is seen.

Right there, if you need to identify with some part of yourself, identify with the one there in that moment who says, "Okay, let's look again. Let's take a second look here. Let's be more present here," and then be more present. Be more aware of what's happening. But begin appreciating that choice. It might come with a simple thought. Appreciate thinking in that way. It might come with an impulse. It might come with a nonverbal kind of instruction that you tell yourself: take a second look here.

So see if in that transition you find some freedom, some self-respect, some agency, something that you value about yourself, something you appreciate about yourself—that in that transition you're not caught. In that transition, maybe you're not the normal self that you identify with. Maybe you are freer than you think. Maybe you have more agency than you think in that simple movement. And maybe that's something to appreciate and value.

So, to assume a meditation posture. And right there, that same thing, the movement to adjust your posture to a good meditation posture—right there, there's a transition where you're making a choice. Can you do that freely? Easefully.

And then gently closing your eyes and notice how you feel in your body. Notice the sensations, the tensions, the emotions. And then to take a second look at your body, take a second look at all that as a form of respect.

And then maybe take a few deeper, fuller breaths with a longer exhale, relaxing the whole length of the exhale.

Letting your breathing return to normal. And with breathing as the default, as the center, if your mind recognizes anything else that's compelling to your attention, you already know that it's there. And see if you can use that transition of choice to give it a second look, where the ability to choose predisposes you to look with fresh eyes, with respect for what you're looking at, not judgment, not preconceived ideas.

Can you discover something new, a new way of being in the transition from the first look to the second look, looking again?

Rather than identifying with being the one who sees or knows or experiences, see if you can fall back into a deeper place inside where the choice is made to look again, to know again, to look with more clarity, to know more simply. Please.

And then as we come to the end of this sitting, what would it be like now to turn your attention out into the world with respect? With not carrying with you the old information, the old judgments, the old emotions. But to turn now towards the communities around you with fresh eyes. Where the choice to look respectfully is to have the freedom and the agency to look without preconceptions, prejudice, agendas. To look upon the world without imposing yourself and your ideas on it. To look with respect as a form of love that maybe resonates with the goodwill of these words:

May all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings be peaceful. May all beings be free.

And may we gaze upon people respectfully, so that in our very gaze we are offering them the gift of safety, of peace, of freedom from our own attachments. Gazing with respect.

Thank you.

Dharmette: Love (17) With Respect

Hello and welcome to this Tuesday talk, the second in this subseries. The wider series is on love, and the subseries is the five elements of love that I'm offering this week. It's not the definitive five elements, but it's what I celebrate. Yesterday it was appreciation—that one of the core aspects of love is a deep appreciation, full appreciation of what is loved. And with that appreciation comes a kind of valuing of what we see, which is a basis for respecting.

I see that respect is an important aspect of love. We respect others, respect their value. We respect their autonomy. We respect their ability to think for themselves, their views, their opinions. Not all their opinions and views, but we respect their right to have them. We respect their capacity to be reflective and to think and to come to their own decisions and views. A form of respect then is to ask people about what they believe, their views, what's happening with them.

To "respect" is to "look again," from the Latin roots of the word, and that can take many forms. It can take the form of listening more carefully, asking them to say something again. "Can you say that again? Can you tell me more? That's interesting. I'd like to understand better." And so this idea of looking again, hearing again, as if the person and who the person is, is valuable to hear out.

The far enemy of respect is disdain, disrespect, not listening, not paying attention to someone, not being interested in what's behind their words, what's behind their beliefs, what's really happening for them. To not be interested. Respect involves some kind of interest, some kind of curiosity, an interest that what they have to say, who they are as a person, is something you value, you appreciate, and you want to know more. You want to see them more clearly.

Part of respect in Buddhism has more to do with us than with them. And that is to not see with disdain, not see with prejudice, not see with preconceived ideas, but to see with fresh eyes, to see what's really here. I learned this many years ago: when I see a friend after not seeing them for a while, to not carry with me my assumptions about them, because they might have changed, or their circumstances have changed. So, be there fresh. Be curious, be open, be available. Don't rush in based on the old assumptions of what the relationship is or who they are. Take the moments to find out where they are, how they are, what's going on. This is a way of respecting them.

It's also a way of respecting ourselves. We respect ourselves when we evoke our capacity to be interested, to be non-judgmental, without prejudice. Because those are harmful for ourselves; it limits who we are. So this idea of looking again, being respectful, looking with respect, viewing with respect, is a way of also cleaning up our own capacity for relating so that it allows for a cleaner love. It allows for a better love.

Now, the near enemy of respect is ignorance or indifference or not paying attention. Sometimes we are not interested, or we don't engage. We leave people alone because maybe we have too much of an idea of their autonomy. Maybe we have too many ideas of a different kind of bias, which is that "I don't want to burden them," or "I'm a nuisance for them," and so I'm going to respect them by ignoring them. But ignoring or leaving people alone can be a form of good respect if it's done wisely and with knowledge. Certainly, leave them alone with our judgments and our expectations and our needs.

Respect is also the opposite of wanting something from someone, where that's the primary way we see them—as an object for getting a need met or getting a want satisfied. To respect them is not to want anything back. To respect them is just to meet them, to see them for their own integrity, their own humanity, their own beingness. Of course, there are times when we need to have judgments and ideas and remember what happened in the past around someone. But if we're going to have love, we want to be able to see with fresh eyes. We want to be able to have the kind of respect that means to take a second look, take a clearer look, be interested, find out what's going on here, and value this person. I think valuing people's autonomy as a default is usually pretty helpful. And even if they can't be autonomous, then approach them with respect, with care. It's possible to approach people even with a degree of reverence, not just respect. A reverence that sees their capacity to be independent thinkers, independent decision-makers. The most important decisions of their life, they probably make alone, somehow in their own hearts and minds.

And so, to accompany people, to let them feel that you're there as a friend, as a companion, as a support, but you respect them, and they feel dignified. They feel respected. They feel like who they are has value because of the way we're willing to listen, because of the way we clearly offer respect for them without the challenges of our own needs and our own wants and our own prejudice and our own opinions. This is something like respect.

There are many forms of love—the love of friends, the love of lovers, the love of family, the love of our community. But what happens if we insert respect into it? Respect is more than appreciation. It takes time. Respect takes a little bit of time and space to really allow the person to come forth. It gives space and time for the person to speak, to be known, to be felt, so that they feel that we're seeing who they are as a person. We're seeing their dignity, we're seeing their value, we're seeing their maturity.

This isn't always easy to do. That's why I think having this mindfulness practice, meditation practice, can be so helpful, because it helps us to cleanse the static in the mind—all the thoughts and ideas and memories and judgments and opinions and stories that we swim in oftentimes—and have those quiet down and be still. And then see in that greater clarity of mind, how is love supported by respecting the people you're with? How does your love for others grow if you offer them respect? And to do it even when it's hard, even when some of their behavior maybe is something that you automatically react to and criticize and get upset with. What's it like to respect everyone and respect yourself?

What I'd like to propose is when love has respect in it, we grow as individuals. We benefit. We develop a greater and richer inner life. We grow in freedom. The very act of moving towards freedom, moving towards respect, that transition into respect—that's where we find our freedom.

So, if you're interested, I'd encourage you to see for you what the connection is between goodwill, friendship, love, and respect. These are great conversations to have with friends and strangers, with yourself, going for a walk or having tea. What do you know about the relationship between respect and love? And if you like, you might think of a synonym for respect if that's not the word that really grabs you. I like the word "reverence" myself, but maybe there's something else that you have that works better. Maybe it's simply curiosity, interest.

So, thank you.

I'll take this last minute here to announce that this Saturday with Sati Center, we're continuing our efforts to begin exploring this field of peace chaplaincy and conflict chaplaincy, which is particularly relevant always in human societies, but maybe more so right now. And my colleague in our peace chaplaincy efforts, Kirsten Deibert, is going to be interviewing Michael Nagler², who's been on the scene in the world of nonviolence and peace studies and conflict studies for probably over 50 years. A fascinating man and also a dharma practitioner, so he has a deep connection to this topic from his own spirituality. So that's at Sati Center this Saturday morning, and it's relatively short. It might just be an hour or an hour and a half or something. You'll find information on the sati.org website.

So thank you very much.