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Happy Hour: Feeling Supported and Offering Care through the Invisible Web of Interconnection - Nikki Mirghafori

The following talk was given by Nikki Mirghafori at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on November 14, 2024. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Happy Hour: Feeling Supported and Offering Care through the Invisible Web of Interconnection

Hello everyone, and welcome to Happy Hour. It is lovely to be with you, Sangha¹ community. How nice to be with community.

The guided meditation I want to invite us to engage with has to do with the theme of community and shared kindness, friendliness, and goodwill. This goodwill is shared; it is reflected, mirrored, and supported. We don’t do this practice alone. If we were the only person doing this practice of cultivation, it would be hard, but we are not alone. We are never alone. Even if we imagine that we are alone, we are never, ever alone.

We are deeply interconnected with other humans and other beings in this deep web of interconnection. We have an impact on how others feel and behave. We can have a positive impact or a negative impact, and others have an impact on us too. It is important to really value and appreciate that we are supported, that we support others, and that we matter. Our actions matter.

Especially with what is happening in our world, I saw a quote—actually a paraphrased quote from Ram Dass²—that whether today is the first day of an apocalypse or a utopia, our task is still the same: we still act as best as we can with integrity, with kindness, and with goodwill in the world. Trusting that we impact others and others support us—like-minded, like-hearted people. Coming together here in Happy Hour is a reminder of that support. That is the theme of our practice.

Guided Meditation

With that, let’s land. Let’s arrive in our posture. If you need to shift and move—maybe if you are sitting, shift left and right, front and back. Roll your shoulders back. Maybe move your arms just to feel your body. Maybe move your ankles a little bit, your feet, your legs. Befriending your body, getting back in your body, is very important for practice—for us to embody and inhabit our body.

Then, when you are ready, come to stillness. Feeling your feet if you are sitting on a chair, feeling your feet stable on the earth. A wide stance. Feeling your hands touching one another or your lap. Feeling your bottom on the cushion or the chair. A sense of stability. The uprightness of the body—stable, upright, and relaxed. Let the body soften.

Start with a few breaths, receiving. Relaxing and receiving. Just a few breaths to settle in the body. Embodiment first and foremost.

If thoughts are arising, with friendliness and a smile say, "Thank you, not now. We will come back to you later." Giving my whole heart to this practice of settling and cultivation right now.

Connecting with the breath, allowing it to be known and received fully. As fully as possible. Breath fully in the body. Completely expanding with the in-breath, contracting with the out-breath. The body, the abdomen.

As if your life depended on it—which, by the way, it does. Not dismissive or ignoring what your life depends on. Fully attending to the breath, the fullness of the breath, however it shows up.

Now I would like to invite you to consider, as you are receiving the breath and feeling the breath in the body (so that we stay embodied during this reflection; we don't go into our head and become "heady" and just involved with thoughts, but an embodied reflection), drop this reflection in your body. Feeling, not thinking. Feeling that you are connected. You are connected, deeply intertwined, connected in this web with other beings.

Bring a few beings—perhaps your family and friends, colleagues—to your heart space, to your mind. Not thinking, again feeling as if you were sitting with them in space. Breathing with them. In-breath, out-breath. Perhaps imagining this rhythm of your breath as actions that impact them. Your moods, your words, your thoughts impact them. And they too impact you, support you. Vice versa. How we hold each other in this invisible web. How we are held by one another. And again, feeling the breath in the body. Let it be sensed. And you don’t have to think of action or words, make it detailed, but just a sense of interconnection. Co-creating our reality together, our world together. Feeling the breath in the body.

Even if you haven't interacted, or talked, or written, with this web of people, still you are deeply interconnected. Let yourself be nourished by the goodness of it. Yes, there are always ways we impact one another negatively, but for now, I would like to invite you to lean into the good. Our hearts and minds have a tendency to go for the negative and the mistakes. Not right now. Not skillful. Stay with the wholesome ways we support, care for, love, appreciate, and are grateful for one another. The way we inspire one another. And feel into it. Feel, not so much think, but feel. If it ever gets heavy, drop it all. Just come back to the breath and the body. You know what to do.

Again, if your mind goes towards the negative, drop it for now. Please intentionally turn towards the skillful ways you have been supported, elevated, inspired. The way you do that for others.

If too many stories and thoughts arise, gently, lovingly let them go. Come back to the breath and the feeling of interconnection.

Perhaps in your heart's mind, you can imagine an embodied game where you receive—you catch—a ball of goodness from someone. Support, care, a phone call, a smile. As if they are throwing you a golden ball of care. You receive it, appreciate it, then you transform this Golden Ball of care, kindness, goodwill, regard, positive impact, and you share it with someone else. You keep receiving these balls and passing them on to others.

Perhaps imagine lots of balls are sent your way. Or flowers, if you prefer that imagery. Lots of golden flowers at your feet that so many have sent your way with their care. And you send flowers to others as well. Care, goodness.

As we turn to end this sitting period, I invite you to bring to your heart or its space the members of this community. The Happy Hour community, showing up either on Zoom or on YouTube, or listening later on the web. All of us supporting one another in this path. Connected to one another through our goodwill, our practice. An invisible web of kindness, goodness, support. Offering each other flowers of care through our presence, seen or unseen.

Maybe in your heart say thank you to those in this community and also your own network. Dedicating the goodness—trusting there is goodness here in our practice—and sharing the goodness of this practice with all beings to whom we are invisibly connected. May all beings everywhere be happy. May all beings everywhere be free. Including ourselves.

Thanks, everyone. Thank you for your practice.

Small Group Practice

Today's invitation was to practice with the support that we receive, the support that we give to others, seen and unseen. These gifts that we have received from so many beings, we continue to receive. The gifts we have given to so many beings, and we continue to do that.

I invited you in this practice especially because the mind can sometimes go to all the mistakes we have made, the ways we have not been supported, the ways we haven't supported others. Yes, yes, yes. And yet we know that our minds as humans have a tendency toward negativity much more than positivity. So just try to balance that a little bit with tonight's practice. Not to say that it is not wholesome to perhaps have remorse, or there are challenges, or forgiveness—all those practices are good in their own right. This is a different practice. Tonight I invited you specifically to stay with the goodness, really feeling the goodness of the support and giving goodness, and turning our minds intentionally towards that.

This is part of the Four Wise Efforts³. One of the Four Wise Efforts is bringing up wholesome states if they haven't arisen—intentionally intending to bring them up, to cultivate them, to nourish them. So that is what we were doing here.

Also feeling the goodness of this community, the connections we have here. Here we support one another in this practice. See how your heart felt bringing a sense of being supported by others and supporting others. For me, as I was practicing, there is just goodness. This feeling of, "Oh yeah, this person and that person." Wow, there is a sense of goodness that has supported me. And of course, not everything. There has been so much support in my life and continues to be, like every one of your lives.

You know, all the inventions, for example. Zoom has been invented and we can meet through it. I consider that to be a support by the person who invented it, and I am invisibly connected to those groups of people—actually not a person, huge groups of people over time who worked so hard to make this possible. Thank you. So either directly—family or friends, loved ones—or indirectly, just so many human beings we benefit from their work, from their goodwill, from their effort, from their intention, from their hard work. And the same for us. So really appreciating that helps us feel less alone if we are feeling alone. Loneliness is one of the number one issues in the US and the world, especially since the pandemic.

Now I would like to invite us to engage in small groups with one another as a way to bring our practice, the rubber meeting the road. The invitation is to practice Metta⁴ in small groups.

The guidelines:

• M stands for Metta, of course.
• M also stands for Mindfully listening and speaking. Really considering the practice of small groups as a continuation of the meditation.
• Embracing compassion if internal resistance comes up, or any reactions or discomfort, both for yourself and for others. Can you be non-reactive and hold it with kindness, whatever is coming up?
• Staying on topic. The topic I would like to give you tonight is: What happened when you intentionally brought up feeling supported by others and supporting others? Was there particular imagery that worked for you, or staying with the body? What can support you in this practice?
• Be brief. Take turns. Offer just one nugget. Let others offer nuggets, or you can also hold silence.
• Avoiding cross talk. Not giving advice, not commenting on other people's experience, so that we keep it really safe for one another.

Maybe just showing up in the group is a part of your community practice, feeling the support of others. Maybe you start by saying, "Thank you for being here and practicing with me. I feel your support right now." So it can be either in real-time practice of holding each other with support and care, or reporting about what happened in your practice, in the meditation that you sat.

Always practicing kindness and goodwill, taking care of ourselves and each other.

Reflections and Q&A

Nikki: Welcome back everyone. The rooms are closed, everybody is back, and we have some time for reflections and questions.

Barbara: I was just saying to my group something that I thought of at the last second and I didn't have a chance to say it, so I'll just say it to the whole group. The dental hygienist yesterday—he is from Mexico—he said, "Do you have any plans for the holidays?" I said, "Yeah. How about you? Are you going to celebrate Thanksgiving?" He said, "No, I'm from Mexico. We don't celebrate Thanksgiving." And I said, "You don't? What about Gracias?" And his eyes got big and he said, "You're right! That's Thanksgiving!"

Nikki: Go for it! That is great. That is beautiful. Thank you, Barbara. I love how this friendliness... basically, the unseen in the frame is just this friendly exchange of reflecting goodness back. Like, "Oh yeah, here you already have that." It is reflecting the goodness of others, and that is what you were doing. Thanks for sharing, this uplifts my heart. Gracias a la vida. Which, by the way, reminds me there is a famous song by Mercedes Sosa⁵. "Gracias a la Vida" (Thanks to Life). It has given me so much. I'll send it to the Google Groups. It is so beautiful.

Barbara: Yeah, his point to me was just formulaic: "Do you have any plans?" But then I thought, you know, you too. We all can give thanks, right? And when he got it immediately, he was like, "You're sweet."

Nikki: Yay, thanks Barbara. This is so sweet. Gracias a la vida. Lovely. Thank you. Very sweet.

Amy: Aloha. That word itself is such an interconnecting word here. When I was dropping in with it, I was picturing moments of laughter, or eye contact, or hugs. That was really helpful. Historically, I have written down people's names and then kind of went through and thought of things that I am grateful for—moments I am grateful for, connections I am grateful for. Or even thinking through the "Love Languages"—like, oh, this person I feel met by acts of service, or those types of things. I used to do it for a bunch of the people I could think of in my life, and that was really supportive. So that might be something I try again. I think laughter is the way we connect.

Nikki: Gosh, thank you. Thanks for sharing the practice that you used to do, and I also appreciate your inspiration to [think], "Oh yeah, I used to do this. I was really sweet and heartful and yeah, that was supportive." And yes, why not? Let's do it again. Especially at this time, we need to uplift our heart and feel the support of one another so that we don't go towards the darkness too much. Of course not ignoring it, but so that we are more resourced through each other's support, that we can take wholesome actions in the world. Thank you, Amy. That is lovely. And this too, right? The darkness and this—through these beautiful moments with our Dharma⁶ community here and you and everything. So thank you. Aloha is both hello and goodbye, right? Love it.

Claire: I just wanted to spin off what Amy was talking about. At least five years ago I was trying to mentor somebody, and I noticed that she wasn't very appreciative of the good things going on in her life. Anyway, I got the bright idea of starting a gratitude list via email. She and I and one other gal now have been circulating this list for five years every day. And what was really funny was that the first time I did it, I couldn't think of a thing that I was grateful for. I was the one who needed it! I thought I was giving it to them.

Nikki: Oh, I love it. Oh my goodness, that is great, Claire.

Claire: It has been such a gift to me to get my mind to think in terms of what is working and not what is not working. I want to pass it along as a tip to others because it's been great for me.

Nikki: So sweet, Claire. I just love it. Especially this recognition that this goodness—if you wanted to do something for someone else, like, "Oh yeah, I want to support this person"—wow, you are actually receiving more than you are giving in some ways. We receive in the giving. It is not more than or less than; we receive the gift. Giving is the gift. That is how I feel about Happy Hour. It is a giving of my time and sharing the Dharma, and yet I receive so much from being with the community and practicing together and learning from you and being inspired. It just makes my heart really happy every time I come. So thank you. I want to thank you for all of you for your practice and showing up and supporting one another.

What a beautiful community. We have been going on for a while. Claire mentioned five years doing the gratitude list—yay, I am inspired. We have been online together for four and a half years now, and I think maybe seven or eight years ago we started Happy Hour in person at IMC⁷. So, going strong. Here we are.

So, dear ones, I don't see any other hands. So how about we dedicate the merit?

We can close with appreciation and gratitude. Feeling the support, supporting others. Being supported by others. Giving, receiving. Giving is receiving. Receiving is giving. Oh, how sweet. How beautiful.

May all beings everywhere be happy. May all beings everywhere be free. Including ourselves.

Thanks everyone. Appreciate you all. Thank you.