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Simplicity and Contentment - Diana Clark

The following talk was given by Diana Clark at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA on September 24, 2024. Please visit the website www.audiodharma.org for more information.

Simplicity and Contentment

Good evening, welcome. Welcome.

So tonight I'd like to talk a little bit about something that I'm often pointing to in indirect ways or multiple ways, and here's maybe yet another way. This has some overlap with some other teachings I've been doing, but this is the idea of the possibility of this deep sense of not being agitated, this comforting sense of not being agitated. There are so many ways in which we're agitated without really even noticing it. In fact, we might just think that's just the normal way of being.

It's so common just to have this sense of, "There's got to be something better, let me go find it." Whatever is happening, it's like, "Yeah, okay, but where's this something better that's in the next moment?" Maybe we're not even sure what exactly it is that we're looking for. We just have this sense that whatever we're experiencing right now, it ain't it. That somehow it doesn't measure up to some of the ideas that we have about what practice is, what happiness is, what peace and well-being is. Whatever we're experiencing now, we often have this feeling that it's not here.

Implicit in that is this agitation that might be so familiar that we don't even notice it. It's not until we maybe have some deep meditative experiences or something that we start to recognize, "Oh, wow, compared to that amount of stillness, I see how the way that I'm moving through the world and walking around has this sense of tumbling forward all the time," or tumbling into, or distracting, or diverting ourselves or our attention all the time.

The Buddhist teachings do point to this deep, meaningful sense of okayness, which does not sound glamorous. It kind of sounds like, "What, you know, okayness?" But there's a way in which we can understand this as maybe a different type of happiness. Because when we use this word happiness, not in the Buddhist sense but just in the usual way that we think about it, this happiness is often associated with getting what one wants. That's what will make us happy. So part of this agitation is just being able to get what we want, whether that's a material object or some experience or something.

Instead, there's this type of happiness that's what we might say is a contentment, and it's really different than the happiness that is often spoken about in contemporary times these days about getting what you want. Contentment is about not wanting. It's about not wanting. Because have you noticed that as soon as you get something that you want, how long does that last? Not very long, right? And then there's the next thing. Just because you have this fantastic, perfect cup of coffee, very satisfying, it's really great, you're going to want another one soon, right? The next day or whatever. It's not like we finally get satisfied as soon as we get things that we want. It's not like, "Oh, I never need to have ice cream again," or "I never need to have a new phone," or whatever it might be.

This contentment that's being pointed to is instead just the not wanting, which is pointing to the absence of a sense of lack, no longer having a sense of, "Something's missing, I need more." To clarify, this contentment is not a sense of complacency or tolerating or resignation. It's not a sense of like, "Okay, I guess I'll be okay with this because I can't get what I really want. Okay, I'll be okay with this." Nor is it just passively accepting everything that's here, kind of like a way in which we can be disconnected from our experience. And it's fine because we're kind of disconnected. We've entombed ourselves a little bit, kind of surrounded ourselves with this cottony kind of bumper so that things bounce off us.

I also want to say that contentment can feel like a booby prize. It can feel like, "Yeah, okay, if I can't have the fireworks, knock-your-socks-off kind of experience, okay, I guess I have contentment." More specifically, if you have this idea that you really want to have something, this strong sense of lacking, that you need things, this whole notion of contentment can be horrifying. Like, "What? No, no, no, no, I don't want to get rid of this sense of 'there needs to be something more'."

There's a way in which, without our even noticing it, we could have this sense of inadequacy, this sense of being insufficient in some way. And so there's a way that wanting more not only does it distract us from this terrible feeling of inadequacy, but it also gives us a promise of, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, this feeling is going to go away as soon as I get something." So this contentment is like putting aside the way of getting something. It's horrifying because then we have to put away the idea that "I'll be fine later, just as soon as I get something, attain something, achieve something, do something, stop doing something," something like that. That can be scary. Like, "Wait, you mean this current version of myself can be okay?" This can be like having to put aside the self-improvement project and say, "No, no, no, I'm fine just this way," which can feel uncomfortable in itself.

So instead, we're just tumbling forward into this always looking. Maybe for different people in different seasons of life, it may have different intensities. Maybe you're not somebody that's feeling like, "Okay, I got to get more." Maybe it's more like, "Get away from me," this kind of feeling. If we're accustomed to grumbling and complaining, like, "This shouldn't be like that, and that shouldn't be like this, and I got to fix this world, fix this environment," then this idea of contentment can feel like a failure. Like, "Oh, but everything's still not perfect out there." A sense of contentment is just saying, "Well, things are okay." But if we're filled with aversion towards "them," those people over there that are making all the problems, if we have that kind of sense, then maybe there's a way of thinking, "No, no, no, I can't be content because then that lets those people off the hook, and they shouldn't be let off the hook. They need to fly right and shape up and do what they should do." Maybe it's hard to put down those ideas. Maybe there's a way in which we are identified with, "There's us over here doing what's right, and there's them over there who are doing what's not right." It can be hard to put that down. It can be hard to put down the way that we kind of bolster ourselves up, that we're us over here on the right side.

We can learn something about ourselves about how much we dislike this idea of contentment. Like, "Yeah, okay, it sounds good, Diana, but later, we'll do it later, some other time." That's certainly how I thought about it. Like, "Oh yeah, okay, but first I have to fix this and take care of that, achieve this." There’s this list of things.

Part of the teachings, of course, is that what supports contentment are certain causes and conditions. Of course, it's not like contentment just arises out of magic. Nothing arises out of magic; things flow for a reason. So what are some of these things that can support contentment? Maybe right now, there might be this sense of, "Hmm, okay, this deep sense of contentment, this deep sense of nothing's wrong, everything's just fine, nothing needs to happen." And if something happens, that's okay too.

There are some of these conditions that support that. And what are some of these conditions? Well, maybe I'll say something like this: something that I appreciate about the Buddhist teachings is that we're not being asked to just adopt a bunch of beliefs. Just, "Believe this, and you'll be fine. Don't ask too many questions, just believe this." Instead, there's a real encouragement for us to discover for ourselves, for us to practice for ourselves, to have experiences for ourselves. It takes a certain amount of, maybe I'll use this word, faith to even do the practices so you can have the experiences. But there's this encouragement for us to find for ourselves what are some of the things that lead to contentment. What are some of the activities, thought patterns that really support a sense of ease, support a sense of freedom, support a sense of well-being? So there's this invitation for us to investigate and to discover for ourselves.

I'll give you some hints: Simplicity. Simplicity supports contentment. If we think about it, it kind of makes sense, right? To just put down some of the agitation that arises when there's some busyness or too much agitation or something like this. Simplicity really supports contentment. And I'll talk more about that, but first I want to share a little poem. I'm on a streak with poems these days. So here's a poem by Rosemarry Wahtola Trommer. It's called "Ambition."

I'm a person who, in the past, I wouldn't have characterized myself this way, but now looking back, I can see where I've had a lot of ambition. I wanted to do something, and that works until it doesn't, because it seems like there's never an end. At least for this person here, it seemed like it was just one thing after another to go out there and get and attain. So here's Rosemarry Wahtola Trommer's poem called "Ambition":

I am so far from the woman I want to be, so far from humility and simplicity. I dream of clearing not only the shelves, not only the closets, but also the cluttered inner rooms that crowd out the Divine. Every day I search for ways to best meet the day, with poems, beautiful meals, with songs, with praise, so many ways to be radiant. But I suspect all the day wants is for me to meet it and all that comes into my path with kindness and spaciousness. In my effort to be good, to be whole, I make it so difficult, this life. The day doesn't seem to hold my exuberance against me. It shows up as always, generous as a new tomorrow, quiet as dawn.

I appreciate in this poem this opening line, "I am so far from the woman I want to be," which is kind of what I'm pointing to, this sense of, "However I am is not good enough" in some kind of way. This is just the opening sense of, "Whatever I'm doing, it's not right." This agitation brings some complications, and some of these complications are just because we're trying to distract ourselves from this feeling of, "It's not quite right." You know, the Buddha was pointing to this, right? To the truth of Dukkha¹, and I'd like to say this is Dukkha, this feeling of, "Whatever I'm doing, it's not quite right."

Then in this poem, Rosemary Wahtola Trommer includes this line, "Every day I search for ways to best meet the day," again, this agitation of searching instead of just being with what the day is offering. And she includes, "In my effort to be good, to be whole, I make it so difficult, this life." So the poet here is recognizing that we make things more complicated so often than they need to be. This trying to make it be better just ends up complicating so much in obvious ways and not-so-obvious ways.

So what would it be like to keep things simple? Keep things simple. We could say that there's a Pali word, Nekkhamma², that can be translated as simplicity. There are other translations for it as well, but we could say it's simplicity, and it's one of the Pāramīs. It's one of the qualities to develop as a support for awakening that, when it becomes ripe, is really a support for awakening.

So what does it mean to have simplicity? I'll offer some things, but again, the encouragement is just for you to answer this question for yourself. What does it mean for you to have some simplicity? What are some of the ways in which your life seems complicated unnecessarily?

One is maybe keeping our external life simple, not being too busy. This is kind of a funny thing for me to be saying because I have spent years very busy doing this and that and the other thing, and realizing that it didn't give me the kind of space to just allow things to unfold. The other day I was in downtown Redwood City just running an errand and went to get into my car. The car doesn't start. You know, I have AAA, call AAA, love this organization, they reliably come and help you with whatever it is that's happening with your car. But there was a time in my life where I'd be like, "Oh no, I have a meeting at such and such a time, and how is this going to happen? And I have to take care of this and get this done." But you know, I have a little bit more space in my life, so I didn't have to get complicated into, "Oh my goodness, all these things that I had to do." It doesn't mean I'm a bad person because I scheduled things too closely, and now I'm going to have to do this, you know, all the stories that can happen. It's like, "Well, I guess I'm going to wait, and I'm going to practice a little bit, just meditate here in this parking garage, why not?" The weather was okay, you know, it wasn't like unbearably hot or unbearably cold.

So there's this way in which, as much as our life allows us to have some space, not to be too busy, because being busy is also just a cover-up for this sense of inadequacy that we might have, this sense of insufficiency. "I got to do more, I got to do more."

Then there's something else about simplicity: to keep our environment clutter-free as best we can. The complications are often, "Well, I need this object, okay, I'll get this here," or, "Oh yeah, I need to take care of that," and then, "Oh yeah, I want to remember to do this, but before I do that, I have to take care of this and that, so okay, so I better keep everything on my desk so I don't forget." This is what happens for me, and then my desk ends up with all this stuff and starts to feel a little bit overwhelming.

So is there a way to keep our environment simple? We don't need so much stuff. As I've mentioned a number of times, I've done a lot of retreat practice, and for me, something that's been really powerful about retreat practice is just how simple it is. I've lived months in just a small little room with just a few things and been very happy. You don't have to make so many decisions. "What am I going to wear?" Well, there are not so many choices. "What am I going to do?" Not so many choices. "What am I going to eat?" Not so many choices. And there's something about that, this sense of freedom, that feels like, "Ah." It turns out to be a relief.

So simplicity is about what we do with our time, what we do with our space. It's just something for us to think about how the way that it's not simple is often an expression of this quiet agitation, and then it's agitating to see the expression of agitation in those ways. It can also be interesting to notice if there's this hesitation like, "Oh, I don't want to clean up, I can't clean up," or something like this. I noticed this recently when I was cleaning out a closet. It's like, "Oh yeah, if I really donate this, then I'm really acknowledging that I'm no longer the person that's going to do this particular activity that took all this equipment. Is that right? But I liked being that person that was doing all that activity that took all that equipment. But am I really still that person?" It was just something to say, "You know, no, I'm at a different season of my life now." And sometimes it's hard to say, "Nope, just is. You know, my life is going this direction," and to say goodbye to, "Yeah, you know, that was a particular season of my life, and now maybe somebody else can use this equipment."

So what else about simplicity? You might notice that just being present for this moment is pretty simple. To just feel the pressure against the body and what you're sitting on is pretty straightforward. To feel our feet on the ground, it doesn't have to be complicated. Our practice can be about being embodied, partly because it interrupts the momentum of the mind, because this is where all the complications are, right? The lack of contentment is in the mind. The body is just doing what bodies do. It's the mind that's putting on top of an experience, saying, "This isn't okay, this has to be different." The experience itself is just the experience. It might be uncomfortable, it might be very uncomfortable, but this is what it means to have a human body. It means that sometimes it's uncomfortable. And the mind likes to put on top, "Oh no, no, no, no, this is terrible. What does this mean? And I have to..." you know, maybe there's a long story associated with it. "If only that thing didn't happen before, if only I had remembered to do this," or "Now if I adjust my posture, then I'm not going to look like I'm a good meditator, but I need to adjust my posture, but maybe my knee is going to fall off if I don't," or you know, whatever it might be.

So what is it to just be embodied? One way to think about this is to just be present for our bodies when we're moving, more specifically when we're walking. This is something that we do, you know, those of us who can walk. If you can't walk, the other ways in which you're mobile, or if you're not mobile, the ways that you are able to move in some kind of way, whatever movement one does, can we bring mindfulness to the experience of moving? It doesn't have to be anything that takes additional time. It can start with walking. It can start with feeling how the body feels as it moves through space. And this is such a vague thing to say, "as the body feels as it moves through space." Like, what does that mean? The invitation here is to discover for yourself what does it feel like to be moving. Because so often we're not present when we're moving because the mind is on where we're going. "I got to go to the kitchen to make sure all the contents in there are just fine, all the contents in the refrigerator are still there." Sometimes I feel like I'm opening up the refrigerator like, "Now, why am I doing this?" Close it again.

This can be really helpful if you are walking, noticing the pressure on the bottom of the feet. Notice maybe the feeling of clothing moving against the body. Any time that you're moving, this doesn't mean doing anything slowly. We're just doing it at the same time, but just doing it in a more embodied, sensitive way, being tuned into the experience that we're having. It might be very mundane, it might be seemingly boring, but it turns out to be really interesting, and it brings a sense of aliveness to our experience to really be embodied instead of a sense of life passing us by. We start to feel like we're really present.

So there's this way that we can just be with the simplicity of the moment, of having a body. I'm not saying that you have to be mindful for every step that you take for the remainder of your life. I'm just saying just start with one step, a few steps, and set this as an intention. Maybe the five steps that it takes to go down the hall to the bathroom or something like this. It turns out to be simple. Maybe the difficult part is just remembering to do it, but we can remember it the more often we do it. So, just an encouragement to be embodied for movement, however you're moving.

As a support for simplicity, it's also a support to look at what is making it not be simple. What is complicated? If we really look at it, as I said earlier, it's about what's actually happening in the mind. The mind is making things complicated. We could feel into when there are these extra elaborations beyond just the bodily experience, the way that the thinking has expanded into this Buddhist word that I really like: papañca³. Maybe some of you have heard this. Papañca. I just like to say it: papañca. It just means that elaboration, just kind of going on and on and on in thoughts. This idea of like, "Oh, okay, well, as soon as I get home, I got to remember to make my lunch for tomorrow. And what should I have tomorrow? Well, there's peanut butter and jelly. Yeah, but I had that last week. And you know, peanut butter, this person over here said that they like creamy peanut butter, but then chunky is really better, I'm sure it is. And oh yeah, the bread..." you know, just how we start to go on.

There's this way that there's ordinary thinking that's just an ordinary part of life, but then there's this extra kind of elaboration that we're doing. Sometimes we do need to elaborate. We need to solve a problem, we need to plan, we need to figure things out. That is part of our ordinary lives. Part of this practice is noticing when have we slipped into what's extra. When have we rehearsed for the 5th, 50th, 500th time that conversation we're going to have the next time we see that person, or the thing that we're trying to remember, just saying it over and over again, or replaying how that person didn't treat us respectfully or something like that.

Just to notice when we're lost in thought, a thought that just feels like it's ongoing, and then in a simple, relaxed way, just to come back to the embodied experience, much like we're doing in a meditation practice. But this in daily life is just a relaxed, easy kind of flowing with what's going, without this pressure of having to stay on the object. It's more just an encouragement to feel embodied. And if you're embodied, you also notice what the body feels like when the mind is busy with papañca. You'll start to feel this kind of slight tightness or this agitation. Sometimes there can be this leaning forward that happens with the papañca.

So maybe I'll summarize by an end here. There's this invitation in this practice of what it's pointing to is this greater ease and peace and freedom and contentment, this ending of this idea of "things need to be different," this ending of wanting something different to be, this subtle sense of agitation. A support for this contentment is simplicity. And then we could just think for ourselves, discover for ourselves, what does that mean for all of us. Maybe it's letting go of that idea of "inbox zero" and not getting agitated, maybe just choosing to about the number of emails that were in the inbox and do something skillful with them, but not feeling agitated by them. Or maybe it's looking at your environment and saying, "You know, maybe I can tidy up here." When we do meditation retreats online, maybe some of you have attended them, we even put a time for people to straighten up their practice area, just because we recognize it's really a way to honor and respect your experience. Like, "Okay, I'm just going to make a space here that's going to be where I practice, and I'm going to be intentional about it."

Simplicity can be with our physical things, external things out there, but it also can be, and a support for it can be, being embodied, which turns out to be pretty simple. And then of course, not being embodied is being lost in thought, which is papañca. So can we notice when we're lost in thought and instead come to the simplicity of the body, which supports this sense of contentment, this sense of peace and ease and well-being?

Then maybe I'll close with reading this poem again. The poem is "Ambition" by Rosemarry Wahtola Trommer.

I am so far from the woman I want to be, so far from humility and simplicity. I dream of clearing not only the shelves, not only the closets, but also the cluttered inner rooms that crowd out the Divine. Every day I search for ways to best meet the day, with poems, beautiful meals, with songs, with praise, so many ways to be radiant. But I suspect all the day wants is for me to meet it and all that comes into my path with kindness, with spaciousness. In my effort to be good, to be whole, I make it so difficult, this life. The day doesn't seem to hold my exuberance against me. It shows up as always, generous as a new tomorrow, quiet as dawn.

Thank you. And now I'll open it up for some questions and comments. Thanks. I think we have a comment back here.

Q&A

So isn't a certain amount of wanting healthy? I mean, why else would we deal with graduate school, you know, things like that? You don't have to go to graduate school, you don't even have to go to college, but isn't there a certain amount of wanting in life healthy?

Yeah, so this is part of the art of practice, is to recognize what is the healthy wanting and what is the wanting that's coming out of a sense of inadequacy. What is the going to graduate school, going to college, or whatever it might be, a sense of, "Yeah, this is the next right thing to do," and somehow it just comes from a sense of happiness and ease, as opposed to like, "Oh, I got to prove myself, and here's one way to prove myself," or something like that.

But I mean, college is so stressful. I mean, it was for me anyway, you know, just dealing with the deadlines and the papers and the tests, and you have to, I had to really push myself to even stay. So it seems like if I didn't want it, I might have just, "Oh, what the heck, I'll just drop out."

Yeah, I can see this is part of maybe one's life is to recognize, okay, what effort, even though it's uncomfortable, is worth enduring and finding a way, and what effort isn't. This is so much about, I would say, our life is figuring out what is worth putting that effort for, yeah, and what isn't. And often in college, you know, we're young at that age, and we kind of are just often doing it because society is supporting us. Maybe it's a good thing, turns out to be a good thing. But as we kind of mature in our lives and mature in spiritual life, we can be more sensitive to what's really being born out of a love for what is, and what's being born out of trying to just make myself feel better instead of not addressing the underlying sense of inadequacy or something like that.

Thank you. Anybody else have a comment or question?

Thanks. Going off of that question, you mentioned that it's up to the practice, use the practice to identify what is something that you'd like to achieve for your own sake versus because of inadequacies. So with what you said, how do you use the practice to be able to identify that? Like through meditation, at a microscopic level in this insight tradition, how do you use the practice to identify that?

Yeah, get familiar with what agitation feels like, in all the gross and subtle ways, you know, the obvious and subtle ways. And then just start to notice like, "Oh yeah, this is agitating, this isn't." And then what has the opposite of agitation would be like ease, and getting more sensitive to, "Oh yeah, this is more easeful." Part of how we do that is to be embodied, because often the agitation and the ease is showing up in whether we're having our shoulders up like this, or maybe our posture is leaning forward all the time, or maybe we're kind of like this or something. I'm exaggerating to show this, but there's a way in which being embodied, we can really notice what is more agitating and what's more easeful.

So, your question was how can we know which way... what was precisely your question?

Yeah, like how do we identify it with the practice? Like how does the practice help us identify those, you know, whether it falls under goals that are healthy versus, "Hey, I'm doing this because I feel inadequate." Like how does the practice help us get to that point?

Yeah, so one was, thank you for reminding me, get really familiar with agitation and its opposite. And get familiar with this feeling of inadequacy if it's there. And is there a way that we can nurture and honor and respect and take care of that feeling in such a way that it feels seen and that it feels taken care of, and so that it can heal itself? That it can, I'll use that language, heal itself or something like that.

So that's the second thing is to, you know, just get to know like, "Oh yeah, here's that familiar feeling that I'm not good enough or insufficient or inadequate," or whatever words that we have for it. And can we be okay with it? Because it's not going to go away by just by chasing, you know, doing more and more and more things. It's more about honoring and respecting it as a way in which it can soften and go away and get integrated, as opposed to being something that's quietly pushing us around in our life, quietly fueling so much of what we do and the way that we show up. Is this helpful?

Thank you.

I might add that this getting to know that feeling of inadequacy is often precisely what we don't want to do. I'll just add that, right? Because so much of distracting and diverting and busyness and all this kind of stuff is a way for us to really not be with that feeling. And so, you know, there's different ways in which we might do that. One could be in a meditative setting, maybe a therapeutic setting is appropriate, or maybe there's with friends or family. There are different ways to approach that, but I just kind of want to acknowledge I'm just saying like, "Get to know that sense of inadequacy." There's usually a lot of resistance to this, a lot of resistance for us to get to know that.

And then maybe I'll just add one more thing, you guys don't mind, right? I'll just do a whole another dharma talk here. [Laughter] A number of years ago, if it's helpful, I did a series on the inner critic with Happy Hour, which was something that happens online Monday through Friday at 6:00 PM on this YouTube channel. And I did, I don't know how many, 15, 20-something little talks about working with the inner critic, and it was in the context of using some Brahmavihāra⁴ practice, some of the heart practices with it. So that also can be, we can do particular practices that support some equanimity and support having a sense of well-being and compassion for some of the difficulties and stuff like that. So I'm just offering this, that there are some resources out there if people are interested in this. I think I did a 7:00 AM series also on the inner critic, so you can find stuff. There's not just me, there's lots of people doing stuff on that.

Okay. Well, may you have an okay evening. Thank you. Wishing you all a wonderful night. Bye-bye.